Wednesday, May 28, 2008

This Movie Will Kick Ass

Chuck Palahniuk wrote the book Fight Club before anyone had even intended on making it into a movie. Now, I'm not one of those pro book fascists - Brad Pitt and Ed Norton did the book more than justice - but it's a little tragic how so many people know the first rule about fight club is to not talk about fight club, but have no idea who came up with that line.

Choke is quite possibly a better book by Palahniuk, so you can bet I am excited for it. Today the poster was relayed to my browser thanks to Filmdrunk, and I thought it was worth posting. The trailer may not give this direct of an impression, but this movie will kick ass.

Palahniuk has a knack for crafting enigmatic characters with bizarre habits used to cope with the messed up world they live in - making a great lead for a movie. This time it's Victor Mancini, a sex addict who forces himself to choke on food to grift from fellow diners when he's not working as colonial reenactor. It was just the icing on the cake when it happened to be I read the book while living in Williamsburg.

You don't get a great sense of the plot or the depth of Palahniuk's biting satire (it's only two minutes, after all), but it is a nice introduction to the limited release. I have hopes that it will get enough of a following that eventually more theaters will carry the film and A) I will be able to actually see it, considering State College isn't known for it's theatres and B) People may get behind it on the wave of Fight Club alone.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Octabong is No Joke

I have been a regular visitor of BustedTees since I discovered it's Connected Ventures sister site, Collegehumor, and have gladly paid for slightly overpriced t-shirts over the year(s) because they're pretty damn clever, yet not widely known enough that you'll see the same friggin' t-shirt on eight other people every day you wear it.

So, I was surprised that their newly advertised Octabong. was not a joke. Seriously? It sounds like satire, but the guys over at BT are for real - they are peddling an 8-armed compartmental beer bong so binge drinking can be even more team-related than before. The price of $45 seems a little steep, but hey, I'm really not their target market (when beyond pure demographic is considered). I guess they're trying to branch out from t-shirts - I wonder what's next.

Monday, May 26, 2008

You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay.

This is a futile attempt to provide evidence that I'm not a poser, as this song will absolutely explode in the iTunes download department - if it hasn't already - thanks to the simple fact that Apple used it in it's most recent commercial.

It's called 'Viva La Vida' and something about it is absolutely addicting. I have both Coldplay's A Rush of Blood To The Head and X & Y, but this single leads me to believe that this next album will easily best it's predecessors.

Listen to it, it just may be your favorite new song.

Still Worth Watching

I have always been a fan of The Simpsons - to this day I watch the ten seasons out on DVD on a weekly basis. There's a good reason why it's the longest running situation comedy in the history of television - it's smart, but doesn't bore you to death or condescend.

However, in recent years I have not bothered to tune in to new episodes on Sundays - somewhere just before the 300th episode, the quality level tended to dip. The unfortunate fact is, when you're on the air that long, you start to run out of things for your characters to do. I became one of the many Simpsons snobs that only respect the first eleven or twelve (of now 19!) seasons of the series.

Today, I stumbled across an MSN service that shows a handful of full episodes of the 19th season, and I have to say, Matt Groening and Co. have still got it. Sure, the episodes' premises are even more far fetched and the writers are more prone to episodes completely devoted to parody - 'Love, Springfield Style' made me laugh once or twice but reminded me why I didn't bother to make the series appointment television anymore - but compared to the drivel that gets primetime status on other nights, it's pretty damn good.

In my opinion, the ideal length for a quality sitcom is 8-10 years, maximum. Jerry Seinfeld had it right - go out on top. The Simpsons has obviously sprinted past that mark (nearly twiceover), but popular culture commentary still gives it some steam. An episode entitled 'Any Given Sundance', in which Lisa films her dysfunctional family in a documentary had a great example of the family being a foil for current events -

Lisa [Turning on the Camera]: No Toupees!

Homer: Whaat, I’m going for a Shia LeBeouf thing – not quite a nerd, not quite a hunk – Shia LeBeouf!

Throw in the self-effacing cameo by John C. Reilly in the end (The Simpsons often avoids the pitfalls of stunt-casting by openly lampooning guest stars) and that's worth my thirty minutes. Yeah, it's not as good as it was anymore - but you could do much worse.

As for myself, I'm looking forward to when these episodes come out on DVD - I have some catching up to do.

Sunday, May 25, 2008


It's 4:15 A.M. For most people, this insinuates that you have been up all night - it's too late for your average person to go to bed, but too early for most early workers to rise. I realize that there are many exceptions to this rule, but it's 4:15, give me a break.

I decided at about 2 AM to pull an All-Nighter because I did the math. With church at 8, I was looking at 6 hours maximum - I can't tell you how much sleep I've lost doing night math as the minutes pass.

So, because I have no better excuse, this is a writing experiment. For what? Nothing that would be on here anytime soon - it's a secret project. (Read: Something I'm excited about, but it's too cool to be realistic, and therefore likely to come to fruition.) Either way, I think I've made some progress - usually this type of writing strategy produces stuff you look at the next day and wonder if it was inspired by an acid trip, but hey, it's a start.

I may have found a way to combat stalled progress for personal writing endeavors. Or this will be yet another terrible idea. Hey, look - A LOLCat!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Disappointing Halo 3 Tidbits

If Bungie, the company behind the Halo Trilogy, does one thing well, it's informing hardcore fans of upcoming projects. The Weekly What's Up(date) has been something I, as a fan of the games, have checked every week for months. Unfortunately, good news comes as often at bad news.

Though there was some hints to the contents of upcoming Downloadable Multiplayer Maps, I found a few things discouraging:
- "We’re absolutely aware of the massive community outcry and desire to have new armor permutations added to Halo 3. It’s been investigated thoroughly and there will not be any new armor permutations added to Halo 3."

This sucks. 'Investigated thoroughly' means 'deemed not fiscally advantageous'. Granted, this could be one of those things where I don't know what I'm talking about, but this would be something fans of the game would love, but wouldn't make more people buy the game. It's not the worst thing in the world - after all, given the countless hours I've spent on Halo 3, I've gotten plenty of bang for my buck - but it would have been a great piece of downloadable content a handful of the community would have gladly paid for.
- "There are no plans that we are aware of to make the Legendary Maps free, ever."

I kind of feel like this is the most disappointing news. I'm not crying foul yet, but it seems like there was an assumed agreement that if you waited long enough, your patience would be rewarded with a waived fee for downloadable content - all the other Map packs followed this pattern. Is it because Bungie is it's own independent company and doesn't have the financial luxury to keep giving away older content? Or are they capitalizing on the fact that two fan favorites - the remakes of Lockout and Sidewinder (Blackout and Avalanche, respectively) - are contained in the Legendary Map Pack? The third possibility is that they don't want to dissuade sales right before they make the DLC free - you wouldn't pay for it if you knew it was only three more weeks until you didn't have to, would you?

- "We have no plans of any kind to reset Ranks in Halo 3. That said, we aren’t thrilled with the way the lines have blurred between EXP and Rank – your rank is really just a number we’re using to match you with other similarly ranked players – and that line blurring something we’re spending a lot of time looking at."

I kind of liked when they would reset your rank. If you waited a few weeks to play ranked matches, you could steamroll the competition for a good forty games. I really can't fault them too much for this - it's a testament to the new leveling system they've implemented.

Fantasy Football Mock Draft-tacular!

Yes, it's far too early for anyone remotely normal to care, but as a little gift to myself for Memorial Day Weekend, I decided to do a Fantasy Football Mock Draft at CBS Sportsline. I'm mainly posting this here so I can laugh at these picks when half of them are injured/holding out on their current contract/imprisoned for dogfighting during actual draft season -which, by the way, by my calendar is only nine weeks away!

The Rules -
Similar to how I usually play - 1 QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, 1 RB/WR, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 DST, 5 RES (14 Rounds)

The Draft -
Nine nobodies, including me, and one Auto-Pick player. I was in the tenth slot.

Round 1 - Pick #10 - Randy Moss (WR - Patriots)
Who was picked before: Marion Barber (RB - Cowboys)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: I typically follow traditional Fantasy Football protocol, taking the two strongest running backs available, as they have long been the foundation for championships. However, with the two-back system dominating today's NFL, these running backs are harder and harder to find, not to mention at a value in the tenth slot. Throw in the fact that RB is an injury-prone position and getting a crack at the first wide receiver taken overall is looking pretty good. Moss won't break records two years in a row, but he is the unquestioned top fantasy receiver at this point and is in a pass-happy, mostly unchanged, angry offense.
Why this was a bad pick: Moss has had a history of temper tantrums, and while he's on a winning squad, they were tragically (only in the eyes of Pats fans) close to having the perfect season and going 19-0. Many experts say that the New England Juggernaut will be immune to the legendary Superbowl hangover, but there's some risk taking Moss as the first member of your fantasy squad.

Round 2 - Pick #11 - Clinton Portis (RB - Redskins)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Larry Johnson (RB - Chiefs)
Why this was a good pick: Clinton Portis bounced back from being injured and had a decent year and rumbled for 1,262 yards and 11 touchdowns (not to mention 389 yards receiving). He was an unheralded consistent force that, if healthy and used properly by new coach Jim Zorn, is an under the radar cornerstone of a championship team - not flashy, but productive. Think Rudi Johnson of the Bengals before his injury in 2007.
Why this was a bad pick: Portis has an injury history - even as of the 8th of May, he was on the injury report. Granted, he was probable with only hip trouble (it's the knees fantasy owners are worried about), but previously injured running backs are more likely to crap out on you mid season. Throw this in the uncertainty of an entirely new coaching staff, and my 'safe pick' suddenly isn't looking so safe.

Round 3 - Pick #30 - Torry Holt (WR - Rams)
Who was picked before: Derek Anderson (QB - Browns)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: To quote CBS Sports' expert analysis: "Rams WR Torry Holt has at least 90 catches and 1,100 yards in six-straight years. He reached that mark again last year despite dealing with a sore knee." Keep in mind that on top of all of this, St. Louis was having line problems all year while trudging to an awful 3-13 record. Despite Holt's age (32), there's a lot of upside here - the Rams may be able to keep Quarterback Marc Bulger on his feet and healthy this season, paying dividends for Touchdown Torry.
Why this was a bad pick: There's no guarantee that the line in St. Louis will hold. Orlando Pace is set to return, but the Rams didn't get a shot at Michigan Tackle Jake Long in the draft and didn't do anything spectacular in later rounds or free agency to make a huge turnaround in the Offensive line. In addition, Issac Bruce has departed in free agency to San Francisco - inevitiably leaving Holt with extra coverage from opposing defenses.

Round 4 - Pick #31 - Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Steelers)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Plaxico Burress (WR - Giants)
Why this was a good pick: I've traditionally stocked up on top-flight running backs and receivers in the first six rounds and put off drafting a quarterback. Ironically, the most important position in the National Football League isn't that integral in a fantasy championship - statistically, the top quarterback traditionally isn't far and away more superior than the tenth. However, my attempts to platoon low-end quarterbacks were agonizing - I always seem to pick the wrong starter from week to week. This year, I'm in the market for a top 5 quarterback - something Roethlisberger has become in Bruce Arians' past-first offense. He can start every week if healthy.
Why this was a bad pick: In the first four rounds, I have only one running back on my roster - and his name isn't LaDanian Tomlinson or Adrian Peterson. Considering it's another 19 picks until I can get my second back, if there is a run on RBs, I am royally screwed. Also, regarding Big Ben, Pittsburgh's offensive line hasn't gotten any better - a scary thought considering #7 was sacked 47 times last season.

Round 5 - Pick #50 - Michael Turner (RB - Falcons)
Who was picked before: Rudi Johnson (RB - Bengals)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: Turner has finally gotten to opportunity to shine without being engulfed in the shadow of LaDanian Tomlinson - unfortunately, he's now joined a team that can't seem to escape the shadow of Michael Vick. Still, the team is committed to back to basic football and Turner only has to fight change-of pace diminuitive back Jerious Norwood for carries. Given the less than fearsome competition in the NFC South, and Turner seems destined for 1,000 yards by volume of carries alone.
Why this was a bad pick: It was heartbreaking that a bargain like Rudi Johnson in the 5th round went right before this pick. Johnson has less variables to worry about than Turner, and was a consistency king for his injury. Also, Turner is a well-paid free agent who averaged over 6/yards a carry behind a premiere running back coming to play for a rebuilding team with few weapons. Sounds reminiscent of LaMont Jordan in Oakland, who had his moments of glory but struggled to consistently be the force he was made out to be.

Round 6 - Pick #51 - Jonathan Stewart (RB - Panthers)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Antonio Gates (TE- Chargers)
Why this was a good pick: This was a my swing for the fences pick - Stewart is a sign that Carolina is ready to win now, with the power running game. Before his injury at Oregon, some would argue he was the best all-around pro running back of this year's draft class. Given Carolina's intent not to rush Quarterback Jake Delhomme back from injury and lack of talent at the running back position before drafting Stewart, it looks like he'll be getting 15+ carries/game by the end of the season.
Why this was a bad pick: Antonio Gates was the safer call here - he's a Tight End that you would without a doubt start week in and week out. Also, Stewart is as likely to fail as he is to succeed. Last year I was excited to snag DeAngelo Williams, a promising young talent with a decent offensive line and a lame duck incumbent to challenge for the starting job. This year, a similar player on the same team is challenging Williams for that very same job. Maybe I'm just a sucker for runners in powder blue. On top of all of this, Edgerrin James was still available.

Round 7 - Pick #70 - Thomas Jones (RB - Jets)
Who was picked before: Hines Ward (WR - Steelers)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: The Jets didn't do anything drastic at the position through the draft or free agency (though they would have undoubtedly taken Darren McFadden if Oakland hadn't), so it shows they have some faith in Jones, who disappointed last season but still managed over 1,000 yards last year. Throw in new additions to the offensive line (especially Guard Alan Faneca) and an easier schedule, and Jones is my redemption for the risky pick of Jonathan Stewart at the running back position.
Why this was a bad pick: Jones is 30 - an awful age for running backs. There is still uncertainty for the lowly jets at quarterback - Kellen Clemens didn't look like he was ready for the starting job numerous times last year, which translates to 8 defenders in the box for an already challenged back. Luckily, Jones is at most considered a flex player for my team.

Round 8 - Pick #71 - Todd Heap (TE - Baltimore)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Josh Brown (K- Rams) (Seriously)
Why this was a good pick: Heap was considered an elite talent at Tight End before being injured last year. Also, whether it's Kyle Boller, Troy Smith, or Joe Flacco running the offense next year, they're all bound to lean on Heap as a safety valve.
Why this was a bad pick: Baltimore's offense was pretty terrible last year, and there's no guarantee that new coach John Harbraugh will be able to turn around the unit in a mere season. At this point, I'm falling behind on wide receivers, as I have no reserves drafted at the position in the first eight rounds.

Round 9 - Pick #90 - David Garrard (QB - Jaguars)
Who was picked before: D/ST Seahawks
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: In fantasy football, it's a good idea to "handcuff" your best players by drafting their backup in case they are injured - this works best for Running Backs, as Quarterback's backups are typically unfit to start in fantasy football. I have decided to "handcuff" my fourth round investment not with his real-life backup, but another quality quarterback - the newly extended David Garrard, who was a low-end No.1 quarterback last year. I'm overcompensating at the position, but at worst Garrard can be trade bait after Roethlisberger's BYE week.
Why this was a bad pick: I've invested a lot in the Quarterback position and in turn have sacrificed depth at Wide Receiver and Running Back. It's better to have starters at all positions than to have extraordinary depth at one position - something that isn't completely represented by this draft.

Round 10 - Pick #91 - Donald Driver (WR - Packers)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Justin Fargas (RB - Raiders)
Why this was a good pick: Driver has long considered a low-end No. 1 fantasy wide receiver. To get him in the double digit rounds was surprising. He has had fourth straight seasons with at least 80 grabs and 1,000 yards - not bad for your reserve player.
Why this was a bad pick: Driver doesn't have tremendous upside. He's 33 with two young wideouts - Greg Jennings and James Jones - poised to take his job, and his longtime passer just retired. Factor this in with last season's dropoff of touchdowns, and it may have been a better idea to take a risk on Bryant Johnson of the 49ers, who could be the number one receiver for the newest Martz experiment and was taken ten picks later.

Round 11 - Pick #110 - D/ST Patriots
Who was picked before: Jerricho Cotchery (WR - Jets)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: I'm playing the odds with this one - the Patriots' competition in the AFC East is less than offensively intimidating. 6 games against the Dolphins, Jets, and Bills are enough of a selling point for me to draft this squad.
Why this was a bad pick: The Patriots lost a lot at corner this past offseason - most importantly lockdown DB Asante Samuel - and didn't draft replacements until later in the draft. In addition to that, the high-flying offense often led to high-scoring games against decent opponents, ultimately destroying the value of the D/ST certain weeks. I've just drafted a boom-or-bust commodity.

Round 12 - Pick #111 - Javon Walker (WR - Raiders)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Santana Moss (WR - Redskins)
Why this was a good pick: Walker is my big "surprise, bitches!" of this draft. He was hampered in Denver last year and demanded to be released, but it hasn't been ages since he was a quality fantasy performer. Given that Ronald Curry is the best wide receiver in Oakland, you know Walker will get the looks he wants if he can stay healthy enough to play every game. On top of that, Oakland has stockpiled a good amount of offensive firepower in their backfield - JaMarcus Russell, Michael Bush, Justin Fargas, and now Darren McFadden. Walker could come out of nowhere to have a good season.
Why this was a bad pick: Let's see, a relatively green Quarterback with a piss-poor offensive line, a new team, infamous recent injury history, and little to no support at the WR2 position, is that enough to dissuade you?

Round 13 - Pick #130 - LaDell Betts (RB - Redskins)
Who was picked before: D/ST Giants
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: LaDell has played well in Portis' stead when he is injured in the past. This is a pure handcuff pick.
Why this was a bad pick: I've only got two picks left with a suspect D/ST and TE on my roster, and I choose a guy who isn't even supposed to start.

Round 14 - Pick #131 - Neil Rackers (K - Arizona)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Ricky Williams (RB - Dolphins)
Why this was a good pick: I needed a kicker.
Why this was a bad pick: Rackers has been inconsistent lately, missing the key field goals he used to make. But hey, chances are this year's Robbie Gould will be picked off the waiver wire a few weeks into the season.

Final Roster -
The Andy Bernards - Mark
PlayerRound DraftedOverall PickStatusPos
Roethlisberger, Ben QB PIT431AQB
Portis, Clinton RB WAS211ARB
Turner, Michael RB ATL550ARB
Holt, Torry WR STL330AWR
Moss, Randy WR NE110AWR
Heap, Todd TE BAL871ATE
Stewart, Jonathan RB CAR651ARB-WR
Rackers, Neil K ARI14131AK
Patriots, DST DST NE11110ADST
Garrard, David QB JAC990RSQB
Betts, Ladell RB WAS13130RSRB-WR
Driver, Donald WR GB1091RSRB-WR
Jones, Thomas RB NYJ770RSRB-WR
Walker, Javon WR OAK12111RSRB-WR

I'd be OK with this draft if it were August - but then again, most people are happy on draft day, what matters is how they feel about their roster during the fantasy playoffs.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Pork and Beans Music Video

The first single off Weezer's Red Album, set for release on June 3rd, now has a video.

I was first inclined to criticize the music video, but it's kind of grown on me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the song, but it seems like way too many people are going "Hey, remember [insert internet meme here]?! Wasn't that hillarious?! Now isn't it hilarious that we're reminding you of it?" Maybe it's just bad timing that this was released so close to South Park's Canada on Strike episode. It's kind of impressive how many they cram in there.

Either way, it looks like Weezer is going back to it's goofy roots - admittedly, my favorite music video by the band is Keep Fishin', which of course features the Muppets with the band.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Chris Cooley, Other Athletes are Awesome

This anything new to me, but With Leather's recent feature on Chris Cooley's blog really prompted me to express how cool of a guy Cooley seems to be.

Ufford on WL makes essentially the same point, but #47 not only posts pictures of his hot wife to-be (the lovely lady on the right), but is completely straightforward in sharing information. He even was pretty cool about his team spending a second round draft pick on an additional tight end - something other players wouldn't take too kindly:

"As a player I feel like you can never discount having the best 11 guys on the field, so if two tight ends makes up the best 11 guys I'm all for it. I will do everything I can to help Fred become the best football player for the Redskins and I think he will do a great job."
I think my infatuation with the guy is a combination that the internet can put people on the same level - several athletes blog, and it not only gives you an insight into their personality, but puts out information that wouldn't be found on a national news source. Donovan McNabb, Donte Whitner, and Keith Rivers all blog at Yardbarker. This has been a great tool for McNabb, who often has to address his mothers' comments to clear the air - instead of getting second hand rumors that he's unhappy, fans can get his take straight from the quarterback.

In short, whether you're a fan of the Redskins or not, you should check out Chris Cooley's blog because he's the shit. If you want to find out more about certain professional athletes, not just limited to the NFL but other leagues (Gilbert Arenas had/has a blog), the best place might not be the media, but the players themselves. Go out there with your cybermachete and explore blogfrica - you'd be surprised what you'd might find.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Week With No Posts? Wow, I Suck.

I really don't have an excuse for not writing for a week. It's not like I'm busy.

At this moment, I have just deactivated my facebook account. It's not the first time I have done it - last winter I took the plunge, which actually isn't much of a plunge at all, considering you can re-activate it at any time. Which I promptly did within a month, if memory serves correctly.

They really seem used to deactivation at facebook. But there's this "Oh, you'll be back" tone when you start the process. Even if you get past that, they do this salesmen-esque last ditch effort to keep you hooked:

"Confirm Facebook Account Deactivation

Please let us know why you are deactivating. (required)

- I don't feel safe on the site.

You can alter your privacy settings to make sure you are more protected.

- This is temporary. I'll be back.

Remember, you can reactivate at any time by logging in with your email and password. Just so you know, your admin status in any groups or events will not be automatically restored after activation.

- I need to fix something in my account.

We can help you solve almost any problem. Let us know what the issue is and we'll help you fix it.

- I don't find Facebook useful.

You might find Facebook more useful if you connect with more of your friends. Check out our Friend Finder, or search for them.

- I receive too many emails from Facebook.

You can control what email you receive from us here.

- Facebook is resulting in social drama for me.

You can prevent this by learning about how to limit people from accessing your profile.

- I don't understand how to use the site.

You can email us with your questions. We'll respond within 24 hours.

- I have another Facebook account.

- I spend too much time using Facebook.

One way to control your interaction with Facebook is to limit the number of emails you receive from us. You can control what emails you receive here.

- Other"

I'm done with it. Yeah, it's fun to update profile pictures and talk to people you haven't seen in a long time, but I really weighed the pros and cons. On one hand, It's kind of a kick in the balls to people I don't go to school with, but they know my AIM and Cell number. And if you remembered to look here when I suddenly disappeared from facebook, good for you. Maybe I'll write here more often now.

Sometimes I don't like what I do on facebook. Why do I feel more comfortable posting on people's walls than talking to them in person? That's not right. How can I piss away 20 minute chunks cruising profiles of people I see regularly? Time to read a fucking book.

The second component to my rejection of the social network is a good amount of people treat it like a people-trophy collection. I'll get friend invitations from people that NEVER once intract other than that post. What's up with that?!

Now, to wrap this up as soon as possible in an attempt to head off xanga-style postings I so enjoyed mocking in middle school. Think about what you trade away for facebook in comparison to what you get out of it. I'm sure some people have very rewarding experiences and use it as an effective networking tool - I'm just worried too many of us are using it as a social substitute. And I'm looking to ditch that.

Your Facebook account has been deactivated.

To reactivate your account, simply log in as you normally would, and we'll send you a reactivation email.

Come back soon,
The Facebook Team

I'm going to try as hard as I can not to.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Annnnd There Goes My GPA

I've recently discovered Chickipedia, a newly-created venture that's probably due to be Bill O'Reilly's ridiculous item of the day if it hasn't been already.

Just as the name suggests, Chikipedia is a Chick Encyclopedia.

At this moment, it boasts 3,230 women and 34,353 images. Ashley Alexandre Dupre of Governor Spitzer fame is labeled as 'The Hottest' at the moment. Hot chicks in movies that have just released are also featured on the front page. Queen Latifah may not be my cup of tea, but hey, I had no idea she was in What Happens In Vegas.

This website is basically a testament to the fact that us guys can always have more attractive women in our lives. There are literally millions of porn websites, sex is nearly omnipresent in advertising, and a good fraction of the female population dress more provocatively than ever - and yet that still isn't enough. Any new way to package this essence is welcomed with open armed by guys surfing the internet - men who have significant others who are mad at them, men who have no significant other to be mad at them, or just men with five minutes to spare. Chickipedia is not necessary, but is just flat out cool.

For Example, I clicked on 'Random Chick', and I am immediately directed to the page of Sienna West, a pornagraphic actress whose work I had not previously been acquainted with. (No, really.) Why would I ever need to know she was in Milf Worship 3? I don't know, but that doesn't keep me from clicking that button like a psychological test subject.

Each page has a relatively impressive amount of information, most notably the subject's measurements and a link to women of similar physical attributes. Can you hear that? It's the sound of all productivity of males from 16-40 dwindling.

And wouldn't you know it, the ability to embed entries into blogs!

Jenna_Fischer - see more hot women

More Flight of The Conchords Loveliness

Supposedly a 'Youtube Exclusive', Flight of The Conchords released a video for 'Ladies of The World', easily one of the best 3 songs on their self-titled LP.

Now, longtime fans of Flight of The Conchords will quickly point out that they have already made a video for this song, included in the episode of their TV series on HBO entitled 'New Fans.' Personally, I'll take anything these guys put out to the masses - remember this statement when you see me chugging a fresh bottle of Flight of The Conchords brand raccoon semen-flavored soda.

I'm not sure which I prefer, as one has such original hokey charm to it, but the other offers Jemaine's ridiculous new mustache and rollerskating. I've included the new video (first), and then the original concept as shown in 'New Fans'. (Note: Embedded video doesn't appear if you're reading this on Facebook) Either way, I think these guys are awesome.

Mr. Feeny Would Be Disappointed

Courtesy of Preston and Steve, a snapshot of Boy Meets World's Danielle Fischel (Topanga) making out with another girl.

And if you're skeptical, here's a head on shot of Ms. Fischel - who, interestingly enough, dated the very gay Lance Bass. (You'd be surprised how many famous women I Wikipedia simply because I see a picture of them making out with other women)

Sophomoric of me? You betcha.

But too awesome not to post.

(Click on each photo to enlarge)

(Why yes, that was a double entendre)

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I Think I'm Ready To Embrace The NHL

If you've held a conversation me more than three times, it's likely that I have shared my plight with you - I am obsessed with the NFL, and face a horrible, horrible entertainment recession after the Super Bowl annually.

I tried to follow Baseball - the games seem insignificant, you can lose dozens upon dozens of games and still make it to the playoffs. Throw that in with the length of the games, and how am I supposed to me as emotionally invested as I am when watching the gridiron? Don't get me wrong, I'll go to the park to watch the Phils and have a great time while enjoying a bucket o' Crabfries, but it doesn't come anywhere close to football.

Basketball was even worse, on both the collegiate and professional level. For the record, I prefer the NCAA - March Madness is like the entire season compressed into a month, which helps the less than die-hard fans. But Penn State faithfully sucking is fairly discouraging. And do the professionals even try for the first half of the season? One half, Kobe's bitching about how he wants to be traded, the next he's playing at an MVP level.

But since I've gotten back, I've discovered that our cable plan carries Versus - the network that plays the NHL games that aren't picked up nationally.

And, at the conclusion of the second game of the Penguins - Flyers series, I have to admit, I think I've found my savior.

The game is just flat out exciting - players can score at any time, power plays completely change the momentum of the game, and the fights - oh, the fights. That's like an added bonus. I realize I'm jumping on the bandwagon a little late here, but I can see myself following a team faithfully.

I think what impressed me more than anything is the passion from the Fans - all the white towels and raucous fans packed into Mellon Arena reminded me a little bit of Beaver Stadium. Going to a home playoff game for an NHL team is now on my Bucket List.

And one added note - I haven't OFFICIALLY thrown my weight behind a team yet, but I currently reside in a Pens household. I'll try to keep my opinions to myself so I don't get accused of being a fairweather fan on either side. Maybe I'll pull something like my brother Nick and randomly claim I'm an Anaheim Mighty Ducks fan.

And as an added bonus, some appropriate Youtubage. More commercials should be this good -

Ok, MacGruber Has Grown On Me

At first I kind of wrote off the SNL MacGruber digital shorts, but Shia LeBouf's appearance in the reoccurring sketch was pretty funny.

Sure, it's no Dear Sister, which I consider Shia's most memorable work on SNL, but it's worth watching.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Here's Why Dan Connor Fell So Far in the Draft

Alex Marvez of wrote a pretty good piece about Dan Connor today.

In addition to giving the Linebacker U reputation of Penn State a little credit (something the NFL hasn't done the past few years), the article provides a little enlightenment to why Connor fell so far in the draft. Given the opportunities for Linebacker U Almunus Matt Millen to take Connor at the top of the second round and Buffalo to draft Connor to start next to Paul Posluzny, it was a huge surprise that Carolina found him available in the third round.

Though the bulk of the article gives some insight as to why Connor wasn't worth taking with at top-5o pick, I've got a feeling that the Panthers will have the last laugh when the Nittany Lions' all-time tackler starts next to another young star of the linebacking corps, Jon Beason.

Monday, May 5, 2008

IGN's Best Ad Jingles Ever

IGN decided (for whatever reason) to post the best jingles...1-7?

7 is an arbitrary amount, but It's something to think about. To me, Mentos would be at least the second best jingle. The first? Valtrex.

Superhero Movie Orgy (Iron Man 2 Already on The Way)

"Buoyed by the blockbuster success of "Iron Man" over the weekend, Marvel Studios on Monday announced plans for a string of superhero properties, including an "Iron Man" sequel set for April 2010."

Iron Man kicked some serious ass this weekend, and for the most part, it should have. The casting was pretty well done, and visual effects by Industrial Lights and Magic (George Lucas' Company) made the whole experience enjoyable.

But I really hope they don't "fast track" Iron Man 2 - a possibility with the release date of 2010 already set. For as much as I enjoyed the first of the series this Friday, I had some problems with it. Cutesy scenes where the little boy on the ferris wheel drops his ice cream watching Iron Man fly by really added nothing. Lines like "and now I'm going to kill you" (spoiler: Iron Monger says it) actually made me laugh. Batman Begins had a little bit of levity (The headline "Drunk Billionare Burns Down Home" comes to mind), but it didn't distract from the plot at all.

I guess that's what I want every one of these upcoming superhero movies to be - Batman Begins. I don't care, completely copy the style. Batman Begins is my standard for any superhero movie because it took a wilting movie franchise, stripped it down and made it better than it ever was. The scary thing is that The Dark Knight is likely to be even better.

So Iron Man 2 should look to do the same - it's predecessor didn't set the bar nearly as high, so why not? Tighten the script up a little - make it darker. X-men degenerated from it's original so much that the third installment tried too hard to be funny ("Nobody heals faster than you, Logan" / "You of all people should know how fast the weather can change [Storm]").

The first movie did well in some areas - getting Sam Jackson as Nick Fury, as well as the apparent cameo of Tony Stark in the upcoming Hulk movie (which should not suck because Ed Norton is awesome, but there is no guarantee with any actor's involvement) - so it would be a shame for its sequels to follow the path of Spider-man's - yeah, that was me thumbing my nose at the third movie. Tough shit if you don't agree.

I guess there has to be a payoff at the end of this rant:

Friday, May 2, 2008

Spammed Alot

I have been getting a pretty steady stream of SPAM Emails for almost a year now, and while it is slightly annoying, I do enjoy some of the subject lines and thought I would share:

From: Denez
Subject: Fly her to orgasmic wonderland

From: hoerig
Subject: She invited me for a quickie

From: Beau Hopper
Subject: 750 $ bonus especially for you

From: Sida
Subject: Greatest shagging tips of 2008

From: Bencks
Subject: Be as attractive as 007

From: Mehgan
Subject: Click me and you will be sex hero in 5 min.

From: Atsushi Tomczyk
Subject: All your problems solved instantly

From: Marina McGill
Subject: You should be satisfied with Your penis

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Rant Alert: Thursday is the Best Night of TV. Ever.

Yes, this is mainly because it's 11 p.m. and I rather not study for my history final, but I've got to put it out there: if you don't watch TV on Thursday evenings, you're missing out.

"But ohhh Mark, you can't live if you're sittin' in front of the boob tube all night maannnnn!" Well guess what, random hippie doubter I just spontaneously created for pacing purposes, I AM living. And laughing, and loving. Because three of the best shows I've ever seen are somehow back to back to back from 9:00 to 11:00. That kind of thing doesn't happen naturally - God wants you to watch television with me.

First off, 30 Rock is the closest thing you'll get to Arrested Development these days. The writing surpasses anything Tina Fey did on SNL, and it utilizes the epitome of an ensemble cast. People keep saying that the AD/30 Rock comparisons are a bit of a stretch, but watch a bit of both and you'll see what I mean. If you have a brain, you'll find it funny.

Then, if you're reading this and have never chosen to watch The Office, you're pretty much a lost cause. They've even put more into the love storylines just to draw fence sitters like you in. And even when they compromised some of the awkward gold for "aww" moments, it's still great television. Steve Carrell does so much of the same thing, yet it continues to make me laugh.

Neither of these great comedies use the traditional sitcom multiple camera sets or laugh tracks - coincidence? No, just good rules to have to make a show worth watching.

And then LOST. LOST is the hardest argument to make, considering you have to treat catching up with the series like a part time job - it will take you eight hours a week for a three month period if you're starting from scratch - but if you've got the time, it's so worth it. LOST is easily my favorite non-comedy of all time, blowing Heroes and 24 out of the water effortlessly. It's use of flashbacks and flashforwards keeps you interested for the entire episode. Even the bad episodes are good.

I thought I had a point to this, but I guess I don't. Other than you should stop scratching your balls / vagina and watch some great TV on Thursdays.

Movies You May Have Not Heard of Yet: Hamlet 2

I was perusing Filmdrunk today and a movie that I had previously forgotten about was brought up because the poster was recently revealed.

Hamlet 2 stars Tropic Thunder (another movie that looks awesome) star / Alleged Owen Wilson drug enabler Steve Coogan as a drama teacher who writes an irreverent play with the characters of Shakespeare's Hamlet, a time machine, and Jesus. If that wasn't enough, it's from one of the co-writers of South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut and Team America: World Police.

I just love it for it's premise. That, and any movie that has Amy Poehler saying "The so-called 'Supreme Court' can suck my balls" is an instant hit with me. The trailer is below.