A Special Broccasion

What a Long, Strange, Green Trip It's Been

2009-04-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

Back in February I wrote about Onward State getting nominated for Best Alternative Media Outlet by U.S. News and World Report. What I didn't mention is that I sweetened the pot for readers to vote in the poll by offering one "Mark Act of Shame."

A little under two months later, I'm running out of introductory economics courses in a green bodysuit as a direct result. Enjoy.

And I'll Look Down And Whisper..."No"

2009-03-06T22:02:00.000-08:00

I saw Watchmen in IMAX about 7 hours ago, and have been conducting meta analysis ever since.

Shuffling out of the theater, I gave it at 8.5/10. I enjoyed the movie. The $15 ticket may have been a little much for the IMAX experience, but it was just under three hours of solid entertainment.

Since then, I've been reading reviews and talking to others who have seen the movie. My rating has now become a burden.

Let me say this first - If you are considering seeing Watchmen in theaters, READ THE GRAPHIC NOVEL first. And if you haven't done either, READ NO FURTHER.

I sincerely believe that those who have not read the celebrated comic will not enjoy the movie as it is supposed to be. Though it occasionally kowtows to the bourgeois moviegoer, director Zack Snyder fully intended on making a loving recreation of the story. And it is here where I think that Watchmen fails - it's brilliant in some aspects, yet curiously misguided.

I attribute this to trying to please everyone - the hype for this movie was huge. After the wild success of The Dark Knight, people are looking for the next gritty, somewhat-realistic superhero action flick. Though Watchmen certainly appears to be this movie in previews, it's the antithesis of what the story is at it's heart - a deconstruction of the popularized superhero archetype within an alternate history. Crowds will flock to this movie expecting an action-packed, R-rated Batman movie. They will be disappointed. Conversely, comic nerds wearing smiley-face buttons will flcok to this movie expecting a frame-for-frame recreation with little or no interference. They will also be disappointed.

The genius of Watchmen is that the drama's source is the Cold War - not a devious supervillain with a master plan. Adrian Veidt does play this role in some degree - but the source material's story is set up as a whodunit rather than traditional conflicts we've become so accustomed to in the recent spike in superhero films. The movie seems to confuse his role in the story - the revelation of his involvement near the film's climax is much less dramatic when he is portrayed as a condescending, cold tycoon earlier in the film. He's a symbol of perfection in the graphic novel - nobel and adored by the public - and his identification as a misguided harbinger of destruction is much more surprising in that manner. The comic-within-a-comic, The Black Freighter, mirrors his folly and ultimately explains why empirically what he did was right, he is not free from guilt. This part of the story was (rightfully, given the 2hr, 43 minute running time after cuts) cut from the movie, so the portrayal of the character earlier in the film is even more important. Instead, I feel his characterization was simplified to appeal to mainstream audiences - those not interested in the original work would probably have a problem sitting through 140 minutes without a personification of evil.

Oddly enough, the film seems to increase the violence unnecessarily. Instead of shooting his ill-fated right-hand man, Big Figure has his arms sawed off. Instead of Rorschach burning the kidnapper alive, we are treated to the sight of the masked vigilante repeatedly plunging a butcher's knife into the perpetrator's forehead. I'm no prude - but they clearly were taking opportunities to add "woah, did you see that?" moments. And they don't work as well.

On one hand, some of the scenes are wonderfully translated to film - the riot during the police strike, Rorschach's prison confrontations, and the death of the Comedian are all more entertaining when they aren't merely drawings. Seeing these scenes in live action is something the source material cannot offer itself. But there are other sequences that were clearly an attempt to keep the audience engaged with action - the Nite Owl and Silk Specter's apartment rescue, for example seemed cheesy and unnecessary.

On that level, some characters benefited from being brought to life, while others are frustratingly portrayed. The good news is that the movie is, for the most part, extremely well-cast. Jeffrey Dean Morgan blew me away as the Comedian - he made liking a despicable character much easier than it was on paper. Jackie Earle Hayley was meant to be Rorshach. Patrick Wilson makes an endearing, yet somehow bad-ass, Nite Owl. Billy Crudup does a commendable job Doctor Manhattan, a character I have struggled to sympathize with (and still do).

Malin Akerman physically represents Laurie Jupiter well. She's incredibly gorgeous in the movie and looks like the character should. But she doesn't portray a sympathetic character - whether this is acting or the direction, I'm not sure. The character's dramatic moments aren't laughably bad in the movie, but are strangely more moving within the panel of a comic. It's not enough to jeopordize the tone of the film, but those of us who have read Watchmen know something's not quite right.

Matthew Goode as Adrian Veidt is the film's biggest mistake. He wasn't right for the part - which makes sense, considering that they had difficulty casting Veidt. But to be fair to Goode, as stated above, the film's script does a poor job fleshing out the character.

The movie's soundtrack has the most dramatic highs and lows. The credits sequence catching up the audience with the path of this alternate history set to "The Times They Are A-Changin'" is incredibly well done. The Comedian's riot-breaking set to "Boogeyman" is downright awesome. "The Sounds of Silence" provides an appropriate atmosphere to the Comedian's funeral. But at the same time, you have the bizarre inclusion of 99 Luft Balloons, and an incredibly lame Bob Dylan cover by My Chemical Romance for the closing credits. Wikipedia mentions that MCR are huge fans of the graphic novel. Guess what, so am I, and you don't have to suffer through my rendition of anything while filing out of the theater.

Of course, all of this is secondary to how the plot is handled. Watchmen is very much a series of vignettes leading up to a climactic (if puzzling) ending. For the most part, (read: with the exception of Veidt) we are familiarized with the main characters as the plot is slowly advanced. There are some tweaks to simplify some of the back stories, but they are still the same people. The only major difference is the blame of attacks on earth not from aliens, but Doctor Manhattan. I found the best way to describe my stand on this is to respond to IGN's:

Dropping the squid isn't the problem; it's that the logic of the new finale that Snyder and the writers came up with doesn't hold up under the least bit of scrutiny. On the surface level, making Doctor Manhattan the scapegoat sounds like a great alternative... until you realize that there is simply no way the countries of the world are going to set aside their differences and join hands in peace after America's ultimate super-weapon -- which he has been touted as for the whole film -- is to blame for the deaths of millions. The U.S. and U.S.S.R. are at the very brink of war, remember. Complete and total nuclear annihilation is at hand, with the rest of the world wondering if America might use the blue-skinned ace it has up its sleeve (as it did to win in Vietnam). So given that state of anxiety, if Doctor Manhattan took out the world's major cities, why would any foreign nation now want to work with America for a better future? If there was ever a time when they'd want to wipe us off the map, it'd be after such an attack. As silly as the squid was, it worked because it was an external threat that united these disparate human factions in a common cause against a more powerful outside force. Imagine if the world knew that the squid was an American creation, there would have been no Utopian outcome.

I am of the opinion that the squid was the worst part of the graphic novel. It seemed tacked on and flimsy. From my perspective, Alan Moore thought it would be cool to throw in some bullshit about a psychic's brain and genetic engineering to wow the reader. So the blame on Dr. Manhattan, while it was dumbed down, made a little more sense to me. I feel the attack on American cities would shake any suspicion that Manhattan was working for the U.S., and that he was a much more credible threat than random-ass giant squid aliens popping up in major cities. Manhattan can be considered external because he is NOT HUMAN, and I'm sure Earth's general population could buy that if banded together, they would stand a chance against the indestructible man. It was one of the few choices that made the movie more blockbuster-friendly that I actually agreed with.

Taking all of this into account, why is it so hard for me to assess how much I truly liked this movie? Do I like it because it's been in the back of my brain constantly? Do I like it because I paid an exorbitant amount of money, then drove 50 minutes to watch it on an insanely large screen? Do I like it because I bought a Rorschach poster for my room? No.

I like it because I love the source material. Because deep down, no matter how pissed off some of the fanboys got when anything was changed, when a line was delivered the wrong way, or when they had to see the film version of Adrian Veidt, they wanted this movie. They wanted to see some of their favorite moments jump off the page, and feel the same way they did the first time they read Watchmen. And in some parts of the movie, they did.

And that's why I've concluded that the movie works best as a companion piece - you take the good with the bad, because you know the bad doesn't cheapen the graphic novel. It just fails to live up to expectations. And for those of us who were disappointed, we likely have the source material sitting on our bookshelf, unchanged.

In Snyder's recreation of the book, he tries to please too many people. Moviegoers uninitiated to the story will find it slowly paced and sometimes confusing. Uncompromising diehards will lose hair when Archie's flamethrower goes off at the point of climax for comedic effect. And ultimately, the movie will probably fizzle after a strong showing in the first weekend.

But that doesn't mean it's a bad movie. I loved some segments, and questioned others, and ultimately left with a good feeling. I could be giving it points because the book was so good in the first place, but that really just speaks to how remarkable the story is. I enjoyed the movie because I was prudent enough to appreciate the source material, but not obsessed with it to the point of hating any tweak.

I truly believe allowing myself to enjoy the book first was key. All the uninitiated will look up and ask "should I see this Watchmen? I haven't heard much about it." And I'll Look Down And Whisper "No."

Twitter

2009-03-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

Is this the beginning of the end for my Facebook abstinence? I signed up on Twitter, which is basically the Facebook patch.

Happy Lent, Everybody!

2009-02-26T10:45:00.000-08:00

I forgot it was Ash Wednesday yesterday, and I didn't give anything up this year. I might be going to hell.

[Source: Filmdrunk]

Bo Burnham Doesn't Take Kindly to Latecomers

2009-02-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

Somebody had the good sense to film Bo Burnham's show at Penn State last week (which I reviewed here), and included this little exchange between the rising stand-up and Brendan from Full Ammo Improv. The stuff Burnham says before is funny, but if you have no interest in his material, skip to the 1:20 mark, and watch what happens when he chooses to dart into his saved seat up front juuuuuusssst as Bo starts a song.

24 Thoughts

2009-02-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many people other than me are watching 24 this season (I know there are at least three of us), but it's returned to form. Sort of.

Season 6 turned a lot of people off by being completely incomprehensible, but it seems the writers' strike did some good for the show. But even with a focused story line, it seems that the series has been on TV long enough that it's becoming a parody of itself.

The clip above really jumped out at me. Since torture has been a hot topic in the news, 24 has taken it's duty to pro-torture pretty seriously - hell, I'm sure in the back of the minds of torture supporters, they think It has worked for Jack billions of times! And why not? Sometimes they set it up so torture seems like the best option.

But the involvement of a baby is a new one. I found this fucking hilarious - mostly because it seems like 24 is jumping the [torture] shark. Jack has tortured everyone under the sun - men, women, white people, black people, Asian people - this had to come up in a writer's meeting eventually. Though they were careful to portray Jack as having no intention of actually hurting the suspect's 11-month-old son, I kept imagining an intense interrogation scene with Jack and a baby.

"I WILL THROW YOUR FUCKING CHILD INTO A BLENDER. I LOVE AMERICA THAT FUCKING MUCH."

"NO! He's an innocent child! He has nothing to do with the Sengalan conspiracy!"

"HE SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE BEING BORN!"

Maybe that's just me.

Also maybe just me - are they trying to put a nicer (freckled) face on torture by having new character Renee Walker (the woman in the video) slowly accept the merits of it? She looks like she could be a kindergarten teacher. I want her to pop popcorn for me and start share time.

It's like Annie grew up, went through FBI training, and resists singing about her hard-knock life because she's got a motherfucking terrorist plot to foil.

Vote or Die

2009-02-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

If you are one of the few people that reads this blog but NOT Onward State, you need to go vote for the other site that publishes the crap I churn out.

U.S. News and World Report nominated us for Best Alternative Media Outlet. It's awesome and took me by total surprise - but we're trailing to a couple competitors. Vote for us so people who go to Yale don't have yet another thing to hold over your head.

Go Vote!

Sixburgh, Baby

2009-02-01T21:52:00.001-08:00

I could write a long-winded, ecstatic post in celebration of my Steelers winning a record-setting 6th franchise Super Bowl, but to be honest, it wouldn't measure up to what I felt circa 2.5 hours ago.

What I will say is that it was incredible game and I managed to have 8 people who were pulling for the Cardinals over at my apartment and not maim anyone. And the following links:

The best part of The Boss' Super Bowl half time show - the unexpected shoving of his package into the camera lens. It's no wardrobe malfunction, but hey, it gives us something to talk about.

Will Leitch, Editor Emeritus of Deadspin and noted Cardinals fan, wrote a nice piece summing up his feelings on the game. It puts a good spin on the franchises' continuing quest for a championship.

My post for Onward State - a petition for the Eagles fans to pull for the Stillers. I'm not sure if it swayed anyone, especially considering all my friends would have gleefully seen Pittsburgh fall at the very adept hands of Larry Fitzgerald.

Hopefully this will be a nice appetizer for the inevitable Collegian riot story tomorrow morning.

Here We Go Steelers, Here We Go.

So Crosby Is Feeling Better

2009-01-29T09:32:00.000-08:00

Check out this quick clip from the Pens' 6-2 victory over the Rangers last night. Unfortunately I couldn't catch the game, but through the magic of Youtube I finally got to see the no-look backhand score by Crosby in the third period.

Even if you don't like hockey (or Crosby, and I know that applies to a good amount of people) it's worth watching.

Just In Case You're Not Convinced Scientology Screws People Up

2009-01-28T08:45:00.001-08:00

Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson and noted Scientology follower (she donates more than even John Travolta and Tom Cruise), left voice messages promoting a Scientology event on people's voicemail.

This in itself is pretty bad, but if you listen to the message, she keeps going in an out of character. For some reason, that's more disturbing to me.

Also, as WWTDD pointed out, uh...really, you think a cartoon 10-year old is the key to recruiting?

You're So Money And You Don't Even Know It

2009-01-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to seeing Swingers, and I have to say I can see why it has its devoted following. It's a great movie. It's not a Comedy that makes you hurt laughing, but it is engaging and smart. It's got that "let's go out and make shit happen" momentum that makes me wish I watched it Friday night instead of Sunday. It's funny how movies have that effect on me from time to time.

Apparently it took only Jon Favreau 2 weeks to write and all the key characters were modeled after his friends, who would go on to play them. Also, it introduced the dating context of the term "Wingman" to the social lexicon. Pretty cool shit.

Note: Be careful to specify more than just "Swingers" when you do a Google Search for the Image above.

Quantum Jujit-sucked

2009-01-21T20:38:00.000-08:00

Last semester, my friend Brian and I happened to notice a flier on one of the bulletin boards in the White Building. It was an advertisement for Quantum Jujitsu, a Martial Arts class that met three times a week and welcomed beginners. Brian suggested that we attend not only for the extra fitness, but get improve our self defense. The latter was particularly attractive to me, as my current self defense strategy is as follows:

1) Be approached by belligerent stranger
2) Soil myself
3) Sue someone

Flipping someone in a controlled throw onto the cold asphalt of Calder alley was a much more pleasing outcome to my psyche.

So, we both concluded that come Spring Semester, we supplement our current exercise regimen with thrice-weekly sessions of Jujitsu. But it's always much easier when you're PLANNING to exercise in the future than to actually go do it.

Leading up to the first class, I became more and more reticent. It sure as shit didn't help that I had a meeting for Onward State and that LOST was premiering. But I reassured myself that I don't stray from my comfort zone often, and it may be good to be open to something new for once.

Once we got to the IM building, the hallway was lined with somewhere between 60 to 80 other students. Not a great first sign. Eventually the Akido class that was using the wrestling room before us ended, and all of us moseyed on in.

We were all instructed to take off our socks and shoes to protect the mats, and eventually circled up to warm up. The next bad sign: I had a cramp during stretching. I knew I was out of shape, but we're talking 2 minutes into the class here. Jogging ensued, and with it, more cramps.

Ok, this is unpleasant, but this is something that will become more enjoyable as I get in shape, I thought as I rested on my hands and knees while the rest of the class did push ups from their fingertips. Just don't stand out as a slacker and you'll be fine.

Eventually, the Sensei has us all line up against the back wall to start the class. You know you're in trouble when you aren't even capable of doing the proper sitting position. I wisely didn't speak up to ask for instructions on sitting on my feet.

It certainly didn't help that the Sensei - whose name I didn't catch - looked remarkably like Derrick Comedy's Dominic Dierkes. So when I was supposed to be hearing "pull your partners left arm across your body to restrict his movement," I was hearing this:

Sadly, "pull out your gun" was never part of what we practiced.

When we started the first technique, which was essentially to have our partner break an invisible plane twice, grab them by the neck to headbutt them, and put another hand on their neck to bend their torso over our knee, I had already garnered the attention of one of the more experienced students. He saw that I was completely hapless. In their defense, they were very patient and kind considering my ineptitude, but it was an instant flashback to my first experiences with all other sports:

Sensei /Basketball Coach/Soccer Coach/ Baseball Coach/ Rugby Coach/ Snowboard Instructor/ Ski Instructor: OK, so you need to position your body like this.

Me: Like this?

Sensei /Basketball Coach/Soccer Coach/ Baseball Coach/ Rugby Coach/ Snowboard Instructor/ Ski Instructor: No, put your hand here.

Me: OK, so now what?

Sensei /Basketball Coach/Soccer Coach/ Baseball Coach/ Rugby Coach/ Snowboard Instructor/ Ski Instructor: Now you're doing [insert appropriate motion for sport] wrong.

Me: Is this right?

Sensei /Basketball Coach/Soccer Coach/ Baseball Coach/ Rugby Coach/ Snowboard Instructor/ Ski Instructor: No.

Me: I know that there is a different end result...but I'm not quite clear what I'm doing differently in the process.

Sensei /Basketball Coach/Soccer Coach/ Baseball Coach/ Rugby Coach/ Snowboard Instructor/ Ski Instructor: Alright, keep practicing with your partner.

I now know what Dyslexic kids feel in reading class.

As if my unintentional exposure as a Martial Arts special needs student within the first 15 minutes wasn't enough, the excessive contact with partners did the trick.

Now I may be being incredibly immature, but pretty much every technique seemed a little too much like a big ol' man hug. Even when we practiced a choke, it ended in us leaning our head forward to rest it next to theirs. This lead to thoughts like, You know, if the only way to overpower an enemy is to straddle him like this, maybe throwing the fight isn't so bad.

Every single partner I worked with (including Brian) was very nice about my disability (I can't say the same thing for former teammates, but I many first practices of sports as a child are blocked out), but honestly, I really didn't feel like putting my body against theirs that much.

I had run into a guy I had freshman seminar with - whose face I had all but forgotten - and the awkward moment of him saying he knew me after I introduced myself was enhanced by the bath house soundtrack of groans and grunts as we walked through a hold technique.

By the end of the 2+ hour session (almost 3 when considering the dressing/undressing and drive over), It was clear that I wasn't cut out for Jujitsu. It was also clear why I rarely tend to leave my comfort zone - especially for matters involving physical fitness.

Brian has already said he's planning on returning to the class. Me - I'll save the $100 in dues and watch how things turn out with the Oceanic Six next week.

'Snuff' Review

2009-01-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

A little awhile ago, Jared/Murtaza introduced me to Goodreads, a site all about books. Being an avid reader, I have come to really enjoy this site, and am starting to log my impressions of every book I read right after it's end. Here's a quick review I wrote on Chuck Palahniuk's 'Snuff':

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
So far, it's my least favorite Palahniuk book. But really, that's not to say that it's a complete waste of time. A waste of the hefty $24.99 cover price? Well, that's another story.

First off, the good: Palahniuk does many of the things he does well in this book. He does a great job with expository dialogue, mainly because his style isn't really dialogue at all. As in previous books, we learn about our protagonist(s) through anecdotal soliloquies to the reader: sermon-like rants that keep us reading his literature. They're well-described, straightforward, and engaging. That's all here.

The bizarre, hard to believe myths, legends, and little-known facts presented in nearly every Palahniuk book are all here. He doesn't get enough credit for the research that it takes to yield this information.

Porn titles like "Twat on a Hot Tin Roof" make the book worth at least borrowing.

Also is the crazy premise any Palahniuk book is almost guaranteed - the idea of a porn star sleeping with 600 men is provocative by itself, but the possibility of one of those 600 being her long-lost son takes us into Palahniuk territory.

The bad: It doesn't really seem to get past the premise. I would call the end anticlimactic, but looking back, it doesn't really even build suspense. The relatively short book (just under 200 pages, which took me somewhere around 5 hours to read), doesn't take the reader anywhere but a seemingly inevitable snafu. At the end of the book, I found myself asking why I care? The characters aren't very remarkable. Neither are their revelations.

It's just a remarkable premise carrying the book, which is, unfortunately, not enough to reach the high standard faithful readers have set for the subversive mind behind "Fight Club" and "Choke."

View all my reviews.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-18T19:50:00.000-08:00

Here We Go, Here We Go. Pittsburgh's Going To The Super Bowl.

[Photo via ESPN]

There's Just Something About Tim Meadows

2009-01-15T19:44:00.001-08:00

...That makes me find him absolutely hilarious. It's a shame this guy's career didn't take off after a long stint on SNL.

Here he is on the Colbert Report as P.K. Winsome, a recurring character that pops up from time to time so the Report isn't all Stephen.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

P.K. Winsome - Obama Collectibles

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Onward State - Week 2

2008-12-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

Since almost all of my writing time is going toward Onward State, I thought I'd post what I write there on a weekly basis. I can't just let this blog go to waste while I contribute to a much more professional/thriving/focused site.

Here's the much delayed week 2 update...appropriate considering I had planned to write 2-4 more posts than what's listed below, but they became irrelevant because I put them off for so long.

Week 2 Spans from December 11 - December 18:

December 11:

Shipley Named Nation's Best Center - Worst lead yet. Oh well.

December 15:

Ticket Sale Prompts Police Intervention - Originally started with a football angle, but then turned into a tongue-in-cheek "Penn Staters against The Man" post.

December 17:

Nittany Lions Nab Newsome - Great story to post about. It's a shame the Collegian didn't go more in depth about it.

While it's not quite the post-a-palooza the first week was, it's still fairly regular. I can tell you that during this current week, there will be at least one per day.

Kanye Must Be Extra-Embarrassing at Karaoke Parties

2008-12-15T14:08:00.000-08:00

I have been a Kanye West Fan/Apologist for roughly a year and a half - simply because I think the guy is a beat magician. I was ready to give him credit for expanding his musical horizons in his latest album, 808s and Heartbreaks, but WWTDD really pointed out how much ProTools work was apparently used while recording his album:

That's West on Saturday Night Live last weekend. Auto-tune really works wonders, doesn't it?

Onward State - Week 1

2008-12-10T20:44:00.000-08:00

Since almost all of my writing time is going toward Onward State, I thought I'd post what I write there on a weekly basis. I can't just let this blog go to waste while I contribute to a much more professional/thriving/focused site.

Week 1 Spans from December 3 - December 10:

December 3:

Harris Poll Flub Increases BCS Skepticism - My first post. Bonus - Jamie's over the top praise of the post in public fashion.

December 4:

Sheep Won't Be Headed To Pasadena - My first "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I'm the first one to cover this" post. Yes, it seems silly to think about now - but keep in mind, I'm still feeling out the protocol for posting on the blog at this point.

College Dictionary: Sorostitute - Click on this one if you're looking for the funny. Well, more "semi-whimsical while avoiding swearing and offending people funny." College Dictionary may or may not be a reoccurring fixture.

December 5:

Rose Bowl Ticket Sale Details - Any opportunity I get to talk about Maybin, I'm takin' it.

December 9:

Bill Cosby's Coming To Happy Valley, You See - SOOOOO tempting to litter this post with House of Cosby references and videos, but I'm still chasing that unicorn known as professionalism. I almost ran down and tackled the majestic beast, but ended up including this video in the post. Nobody's perfect.

December 10th:

Joe Paterno: 2008 Coach of The Year Finalist - Felt I had to cover it after doing so many other football posts. It's probably just an attempt to feel like a real sportswriter - look at me, I'm Jason Whitlock! Too many black players are bojangling! Jeff George should be starting for the Vikings!

Devlin To Transfer - I couldn't believe my luck of checking the Daily Collegian within an hour of the story breaking - not only is it a "look, Mark broke another story on Onward State!", but a super interesting one (in my opinion) at that. Oddly enough, Managing Editor Eli Glazier wrote up a post and posted it just before I published mine. He was really cool about it, and we eneded up combining the two.

As you can see, I'm writing a shitload more.

Until next week.

Introducing Onward State

2008-12-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting here as frequently I did over the summer, and I wish I can say it's because I have been writing elsewhere. It wasn't, I have just been lazy. But now I can use the excuse of focusing creatively elsewhere.

My first post for Penn State's New Blog, Onward State, was published earlier this evening. Though it's not the post I was scheduled to write (that should be up sometime tomorrow - it is slated to be more comedic in nature), the idea of someone involved in voting for the teams that play in the national championship was so ludicrous (and Penn State-related), I wrote something quickly. It turned out slightly better than the things I impulsively write on here.

Onward State officially launched after Thanksgiving break, and already is filled with posts and has accrued a small following. The guys that started it up are doing a really professional job without making it dull or predictable. If Penn State goings-on interest you, you enjoy my writing, or just need another website to go to during the day, bookmark it, visit it daily, show it to friends, whatever.

I Am Near-Hypnotized By This

2008-12-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

Even though I typically find myself disappointed by the user-submitted content at CollegeHumor these days, I will still visit the site often.

This is exactly why.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Even When Marketing Virally, LOST Is Awesome

2008-11-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

Due to the combination of ABC's LOST being the best television drama of all time and there being WAY too much time in between seasons, I am already frothing at the mouth for the new season, which doesn't come until January 21st, 2009.

But that doesn't mean my anticipation can't grow even more - J.J. Abrams and Co. are masters at hyping the already hyped. This time it's in the newest trailer for the fifth season [WARNING: It's chock full of spoilers if you haven't seen the first four seasons], where a mysterious image pops up.

From comingsoon.net:

ABC has launched the new trailer for the fifth season of "Lost," which features music from The Fray's "You Found Me." In the trailer at the 1:34 and 2:25 mark, the studio flashes the logo for a tie-in company called Ajira Airways, which can be visited at AjiraAirways.com. The trailer, which you can view below, consists of footage from last season as well as from the upcoming season. "Lost" premieres on Wednesday, January 21st at 8/7c.

Because I'm such a good guy, I suffered through playing segments of the video OVER and OVER to get a screen capture of the image, having to hear The Fray's shit-tastic new song. It's not that I have anything against the Fray, it's just that I find their music whiny and repetitive. And it sure as hell doesn't help that I associate them with Grey's Anatomy.As you can see, it's not incredibly remarkable, but honestly, it could have been a picture of TubGirl [Ed.: Don't worry, it's not the actual website] and I would have been intrigued.

As you can see below, the website isn't much more than a sign-up for e-mail updates (and a vague message below 'Let Your Journey Begin'), but you can bet that the Ajira Airways marketing campaign won't stop there. It should be quite interesting to see where it goes, and what information gets out before the three-hour premiere.
The message below (not pictured) reads:

The skies have no limit with our new destinations launching January 21st, 2009. Take an adventure anywhere around the globe and reimagine your world as big as ours. Check back often to discover new ways to get lost in the world.
No Borders, Now Boarding - Ajira Airways.

They said "get LOST!" OMG!!!!11111!!!!

BIG TEN CHAMPIONS

2008-11-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

See you in Pasadena.

President-Elect Barack Obama

2008-11-04T20:37:00.000-08:00

I'm trying desperately to think of a way of distinguishing myself from millions of Americans feeling an indescribable sensation - it's incredibly frustrating but I don't care.

It came out of nowhere when Jon Stewart announced (Why not watch the Daily Show for election news?) at 11:01 that Obama would be our 44th President. I don't hate the feeling.

I would elaborate but I find myself watching the coverage in a stupor - we've arrived at a new frontier, but are suspended for the moment. Yes, he's our President-Elect, but that won't change things immediately.

Still, Obama's achievements are awe-inspiring. Overcoming not only a worthy opponent for the Democratic nomination, but yet another for the office of President of the United States is a herculean task in itself - doing so as a relative unknown who happens to be biracial in a country still rife with prejudice and ignorance is unbelievable.

This is one of the most important elections in American History, and I am incredibly proud to be a part of it.

Say what you will about John McCain - no matter what you thought of his platform or campaign, he went out with class. His concession speech acknowledged that the American people have made their choice and in turn have started a new chapter in history. I have no doubt that he will stay true to his word and work to make compromises between the different political ideologies in our government.

Though I keep finding myself at a loss for words - especially those bearing any originality - I still feel the need to keep writing. Truly, this is a moment that needs to be preserved to the best of my ability.

Tomorrow is a new day, and while Obama might not be in the Oval Office yet, change is coming.

This Kid Must Get Laid All The Time - Oh Wait, He's Six?

2008-10-27T13:00:00.001-07:00

My first kid (I've already named him Kiefer) will not go to school. He will be home schooled - not because I support the idea that kids are actually better off, but because he'll spend most of his day training to do this:

Insanity.

/Just Spooged In Pants

2008-10-09T07:19:00.001-07:00

Despite how incredibly nerdy it may be, I can't help but find myself ecstatic that the inevitable has been confirmed - a new Halo game.

The now titled Halo 3: Recon was originally supposed to debut at E3, but there was a minor fiasco in which Microsoft requested that the heavily-teased secret unveiling be delayed. It has only made the arrival of the details that much sweeter.

About two weeks ago, a teaser trailer simply called "Keep It Clean" showed up on Bungie.net, and fueled a ton of speculation - was it an entirely new game? If so, why did Halo 3's logo appear at the end? Gamespot had a great analysis, offering a number of interpretations to the trailer:

Though nothing is official yet, the title in question appears to be the "Halo Recon" project that has been rumored for months. A source told GameSpot in July the project will be "a cross between Ghost Recon and Gears of War." Instead of following the Halo franchise's usual protagonist--the SPARTAN super-soldier Master Chief--it will supposedly follow the exploits of a squad of colonial marines in a "less cartoony" and "more bloody, violent, and grim" tale of a battle between UNSC forces and the pan-racial religious empire known as the Covenant.

Well, they hit the nail on the head so far. Although the style of the game hasn't been revealed, it has been confirmed that the title is literally Halo 3: Recon, and it is an entirely new campaign with a new hero.

Personally, I embrace the idea of getting away from the series' iconic character. Players are really just interested in his abilities, rather than his personality, which is basically non-existent. As long as this "new hero" isn't a clone of him and has a decent backstory, we may have a winner. As far as gameplay goes, I'll take anything I can get. All three of the Halo games have brought me thousands upon thousands of hours of joy, and I don't expect any less from this installment. I just wish it was coming out sooner than Fall 2009.

Mystery Team Trailer Now Online

2008-09-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

Derrick Comedy has been around for what seems like ages - I'll still go back and watch classic sketches like "Jerry" and "Keyboard Kid" months and months after seeing them on youtube. If you're unfamiliar with Derrick, my recommendation is you watch Bro Rape - the video that got me to watch their progress as a comedy group.

They just released the above trailer for their feature length movie, Mystery Team. It may start out a little slow, but really picks up towards the end. I'll be chuckling at the "Let's treat ourselves" line all day.

Whether you think the movie will be good or not, you've got to give these guys props - they took a year to write, shoot, and edit this movie and are really going for it. Some of them have even already gained marked success - Donald is a writer on 30 Rock and if you watch closely in the trailer, you'll see that newest SNL cast member Bobby Monyihan has a part in the movie.

Why Oregon State Upsetting USC is Bad For Penn State

2008-09-26T09:42:00.001-07:00

I'm often told I'm a pessimist. So often that over the years, I've developed an reply that is now nearly automatic - "Well, I guess that mean's I'm never disappointed. I'm either right or pleasantly surprised." Consider this the crux of the following argument.

If you [somehow] haven't heard, The University of Southern California (ranked #1 in every college football poll after trashing perennial BCS Bowl contender Ohio State) was trailing Oregon State 21-0 at the half. Some of us turned off It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to watch the greatest upset of this fall so far, some fielded texts from friends watching the game becuase that show is hillarious, and I assume some minority joined me in serendipitously being in a room with two tvs, having our cake and eating it too. Eventually, USC rallied just enough to piss away the game and give Oregon State Beaver fans their christmas present 3 months early.Now - normally in the BCS system, any contender suffering a loss is a good thing. Statistically, I can't argue with that. But a Foxsports article by Michael Rosenberg really made it clear that this presents a problem for Penn State:

"The No. 1. Trojans were just beaten by Oregon State. That is the same Oregon State team that fell behind 45-7 to Penn State, and that's the same Penn State team that is not supposed to be on the same level as Ohio State, and that is the same Ohio State that got crushed 35-3 by USC, and if you can't understand this sentence, don't worry. I wrote it and I'm as baffled as anybody."

"The quick conclusions are that Ohio State is not nearly as good as we thought, USC is a little shaky and Penn State should be in the top five. But who knows?"

This is bad. Penn State needs to fly under the radar. As a Nittany Lions fan, I know we're good. But as a college football fan, I also know that athletic talent alone doesn't decide a football game. Hype is a killer - and for a team that has lost its star defensive player (Sean Lee), is rife with off the field controversy (uh, half the team), and doesn't have a clear-cut No.1 quarterback (Clark starts, but the chants for Devlin are just an INT away), the last thing they need is the nation expecting them to be a top 5 team.

I know, most seasoned fans will take these statements with a grain of salt - the BCS is destined to be screwed up with these upsets by the end of the year - but people tend to forget how stupid media coverage can be. The very experts themselves become hype-peddlers when they should know that this hiccup doesn't circuitiously make Penn State being a Top-5 team.

Thanks to Oregon State's colossal win over USC, and their one-sided loss in Happy Valley, people will watch the Nittany Lions in prime time on ABC against Illinois this Saturday, expecting Penn State to blow the shit out of Juice Williams and the Fighting Illini. I'm not going to say it won't happen - but I'd rather have people underestimate the team.

Because it feels much better to be on the wrong end of an expected challenge (which I think, despite the disparity in Illinois' #22 ranking and Penn State's #12, this game very much is), than to be the victim of an upset.

This Is Why I Love LOLJocks

2008-09-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Through some channel or another (probably Kissing Suzy Kolber), I discovered LOLJocks.
It's not updated very often - it seems frequency of posts depend on opportunity - but when they get a good picture, you can bet they make the most of it.

SNL Has Regressed

2008-09-15T09:36:00.001-07:00

To summarize what Filmdrunk has so astutely stated, SNL blew this past Saturday. I'd go into it further, but really I think I'd just get depressed. The good news is that there was one shining light - a digital short by Andy Samberg. It's so bizarre, but I can't stop watching it.

Seriously, there was maybe one other sketch that was funny.

Website of The Week - Powell To The People

2008-09-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

The internet can be a very scary place - something that anyone who has accidentally stumbled on to hentai can tell you - but there are, as you may know, a great deal of websites tucked away in the series of tubes that are worth visiting. I found one today.

Powell To The People is the personal website of Keith Powell, an incredibly funny actor who plays Toofer on 30 Rock, which I regard as the greatest comedy on television right now. The best part of Powell To The People is that you get to enjoy more Powell-centric comedy than the ensemble cast of 30 Rock can show. This is very apparent in the intro:

"I understand that most actor websites have touched-up headshots, carefully selected reviews, and photos of themselves standing next to famous people. Well, I will do no such thing because I really think it distracts people from seeing more of me."

I guess what surprises me most about the website is how funny the guy is in text. Some of us know Powell as a talented comedic actor, but his self deprecation in his bio is quite good.

"He has shown an amazing range for a young actor, jumping effortlessly from comedy to drama to Wendy’s commercial."

"A career in regional theater followed where he portrayed everything from rappers (criminals) to kings (in-breeders) to the cognitively disabled (Irish)."

On top of this, he has some original content in the form of viral videos, (though honestly, I enjoy the written segments of the website best so far), a blog which he seems to update regularly, and a form to contact him. Not bad.

I guess I just appreciate those in comedy who take the time to use the internet to break down some barriers between performers and fans. In the Funny Or Die era of internet comedy, a young talent in Powell has arrived.

I'm Back

2008-09-08T13:44:00.001-07:00

The hiatus is over - I've decided to try and at least write one post per day now that the school year has started.

Expect bizarre anecdotes, sports references, and other internet musings.

God Loves Milo Ventimiglia More Than He Loves You

2008-07-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

From AskMen.com:

Hayden Panettiere performed a surprise striptease on her boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia's birthday.

The 'Heroes' actress - who plays self-healing cheerleader Claire Bennett in the hit TV show - donned a special raunchy cheerleader outfit and treated her co-star, who turned 31, by gyrating in front of him, before whipping off the costume to reveal sexy red lingerie.

A source said: "Hayden gave Milo an unforgettable birthday surprise by morphing from her bouncy cheerleader character in 'Heroes' to a bump-and-grind striptease.

"She asked the wardrobe girls to make her a Velcro lined version of the outfit she wears on the show. As she sang 'Happy Birthday' to Milo in front of cast and crew during lunch she ripped off the costume to show off her sexy red lingerie. Milo's face went bright red."

Hayden finished her routine by kissing and hugging Milo as onlookers gave her a standing ovation.

Annnnnddddddd suddenly all the encouragement to study hard and do well in school doesn't seem better than being an actor.

I Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

2008-07-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

I am bludgeoning the song in this trailer to death. I think Pineapple Express is going to be the best comedy of the summer, and it has a great trailer to boot. Plus the song - Paper Planes by MIA - is on Ruckus.

This Is Why I Drafted Chris Cooley

2008-07-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

I participated in an Auction-style fantasy football draft last night and purposefully held out to bid on Chris Cooley. Why? The dude's a cool guy.

On getting a Fred Davis rookie football card:

"I'm going to have him sign it and put it on eBay."

Way To Go, Fuckhead

2008-07-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Police: Student facing charges after drunken night in Latsch Football Building.

Let me first say that the following is not based on the fact that I choose not to partake in alcoholic drinking - it's more that people in the "real world" hear that I'm from Penn State and suddenly assume they're talking to Bluto Blutarsky.A few weeks ago, I was talking to a co-worker about possibly getting hours at a store location in State College, so I could continue to work during the school year. I said it would be nice to have a short shift every week. His response was, "Yeah man, beer money. I know how you Penn Staters love your beer." The only thing I could think to say was a deadpan "yeah, we do."

I could be wrong here, but as someone who has never had to worry about choking on his vomit, that sucks.

Penn State is not a school exclusively devoded to pissing oneself/destroying property/catching pubic crabs every Thursday-Saturday night. Yes, a good deal of the undergrads have a story that they may not be proud of, but Jesus, PSU is technically a Public Ivy. Unfortunately this is lost on most people, thanks to stories like this.

"While inside, Costenbader allegedly damaged a window in the training office by throwing weights at it, flipped two tables and two trampolines in the training room and broke a window in the south lobby."

Can you even blame that on being drunk? That just sounds like this guy is an asshole.

So thanks, shit-for-brains. Despite the fact I am getting a fairly respectable degree, it will be depreciated by the fact that most people assume that all 40,000 of us have had an episode worthy of Gary Busey.

The Last of the WJBR Photoshops?!

2008-07-24T21:05:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't been posting regularly (or anything interesting for that matter), but hey, let's keep the crapfest going with more mediocre photoshops - because if I don't post them here, they vanish into the internet vacuum.I only have a few weeks left in my internship, so soon these posts may be a thing of the past.

Is This Awesome, Or Is It Just Me?

2008-07-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

I was checking for easy Tabs (because I don't play guitar nearly enough anymore) on UltimateGuitar.com, and was surprised to find this. It turns out it's simple as hell and could be one of those "hey hey guys look what I can play! Waka Waka Waka!" songs. Maybe everyone else has been aware of this for years, but I had no idea this audio is out there, let alone on Seeqpod. Enjoy.

Marshawn Lynch Makes Shaun Phillips Look Like Stephen Hawking

2008-07-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

I recently devoted a post to ripping Shaun Phillips' grammar, spelling, and overall understanding of everything because I found his blog on Yardbarker and couldn't help but comment. I guess I should have looked harder on the site, because Marshawn Lynch makes the San Diego Linebacker look like a genius.

Thanks to the handy sidebar on the sports blog community's website, I happened to see that the quite talented, yet somewhat troubled, Buffalo running back had recently updated his account. To give you the best recreation of my reaction, i'll sample from some of Marshawn's best entries:

"well its bout dat time... time to put on da hard hat and put n sum dirty work... off season was koo i had a kids camp on july 12 in Oakland had a solid turn out bout 600 kids... Lamar Woodly LB from pitt and his cuzin Sam came out to help... had prizes 4 all da kids and sum good life learned lessons dat we talk to da kids bout... just runnin n da yard sayin whats up.....hold ya chin up.....nuh nuh nuh ....gone"

"whats good yardbarkers what it do its ya local neighborhood running back outta OAKLAND....in buffalo playin for da bills...if u looked at da headline reading DAMN its cause ive been out 4 da past two weeks and its been hurting me not to b out der wit ma teammates even if we losing....i just cant wait til i can get back out der wit ma bra bras (teammates).....but dis just ma lil intro until i can get back to yall wit a lil mo....stay solid til next time"

Suddenly, the idea of Lynch being stupid enough to not be aware when he hits "a dancing woman in the street" with his car is completely believable. Let's just hope his "bra bras" are "der" for him when Commissioner Goddell hands down his sentence.

Nuh nuh nuh...gone.

Why So Serious?

2008-07-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

Despite the temptation to write about my thoughts on The Dark Knight, given the gushing reviews (nearly) everyone has given the movie - I'll keep to lesser-tread territory. I will say that I went to go see the midnight opening, and even after getting home at 3 AM and having work at 8 the next morning, I had no regrets - so if you haven't seen this movie and you have any interest, I suggest you take the plunge already.

I can't say much about Heath Ledger's performance that hasn't already been said - I think Brendon of What Would Tyler Durden Do? put it very well:

Everything Ledger did in this movie was fucking awesome. "And here we go" is not an amazing line. Picture that on the page. It's just four little words. Ledger made it awesome. This sucks. I can’t believe he’s dead. Most actors fucking suck. There’s only like 7 good ones. Now there are 6. Now pretty idiots like Channing Tatum will ruin more of my movies, reading lines like his script had the dialog written upside down and backwards. Channing, if you're reading this, and later today you feel a pop inside your head, it's because I just threw a rock at the back of your skull. Hey, look, over here, it's me, Brendon, from that website, You Suck.

I will say that I don't think they should recast the Joker. The fact that Rachael whiny-ass Dawes was recast bugged me - the most captivating movie villain in recent memory looking, sounding, or acting slightly differently would just kill any chance of it being as good as this installment. As far as I'm concerned, If Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan come back for a third movie (they are surprisingly uncommitted at this time), Batman should be pitted against other villains.

Now - to the point of this post. I think up to Ledger's performance, audiences have taken this reboot of the series for granted. Nolan's revisioning of Batman has built a solid foundation for the now uber-popular superhero genre in darker territory - allowing for villains to have more weight.

In this day and age where so much of these movies substitute impressive stunts with CGI (though, admittedly, I still like these movies), pander to cheap puns ("Not everyone heals as fast as you, Logan), and break the fourth wall ("I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch"), the Batman series stands apart as legitimately suspenseful.

Now, we all remember the God-awful Joel Schumacher movies. After the box office failure that was Batman and Robin, future Bat-movies were put on hold. However, after seeing The Dark Knight this weekend and being desperate for more, I learned a lot about the prospective follow ups to reboot the series on Wikipedia - Batman Begins came only after several other attempts. So, if you enjoyed Nolan's masterpiece, be thankful that none of these movies came to fruition -

All movies have been drawn from the "Unsuccessful Projects" sub-article on Wikipedia.

Batman Triumphant

Warner Bros. hired Mark Protosevich to write a script for the fifth Batman film, titled Batman Triumphant, ^[8] even before the theatrical release of Batman & Robin. Joel Schumacher, George Clooney, and Chris O’Donnell were still contracted for another film. ^[9] The Scarecrow was to be the main villain and through the use of his fear gas, Scarecrow would cause Batman to confront his worst fear: the return of The Joker. Harley Quinn was in the script and shown as the daughter of Jack Napier. ^[8]

As of yet, the script hasn’t been leaked online and it is unknown whether or not Jack Nicholson would reprise his role as the Joker. Due to poor results from Batman & Robin, Triumphant was canceled and Warner Bros. commissioned more scripts. ^[10]

While this doesn't sound like a bad plot (Harley Quinn isn't a bad character if interpret the right way and Scarecrow has and always will be one of my favorite lesser-known comic villains), tone and casting are the concerns with this project. Chris O'Donnell and George Clooney have been the butt of Bat-jokes for years, and that wouldn't have changed with Joel Schumacher at the helm once again. Batman Triumphant would have been junk-food cinema at best - and Batman and Robin 2 at worst.

Another issue I have here is Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Now, it may be because most of us are caught up in Ledger-mania, but I was flipping channels and happened to catch Tim Burton's Batman on abc family. Nicholson wasn't even remotely intimidating or creepy. I realize that half of this was the take on the series, but really - I couldn't watch his performance without being bored to death.

Batman: DarKnight

In 1998, Lee Shapiro and Stephen Wise pitched the idea for a fifth Batman movie to Warner Bros. Vice President Tom Lassally. It was to be called Batman: DarKnight (not to be confused with The Dark Knight) and included the Scarecrow and Man-Bat as the new villains, with the studio being most impressed with the characterization of Man-Bat. ^[11] Fear was to be the initial theme (much like the main one for Batman Begins) and according to Shapiro, with Scarecrow being true to the source material. Within three months, Lee Shapiro and Stephen Wise sent their first draft to Warner Bros. Joel Schumacher was still signed to direct but dropped out only weeks after the first draft was completed. ^[11] The story went as:

Bruce Wayne is in self-imposed seclusion from life, because he feels he has lost his greatest weapons in the fight against crime: his mystique and his enemies' fear. Dick Grayson attends Gotham University, trying to discover who he is apart from his guardian and unwilling to return as Robin without him. Meanwhile, Dr. Jonathan Crane uses his position as professor of psychology at Gotham University and as resident psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum to conduct his experiments in fear. During a vengeful confrontation with a colleague, Dr. Kirk Langstrom, Crane unknowingly initiates Kirk's transformation into the creature known as Man-Bat. The unsuspecting denizens of Gotham scream for Batman's head, believing the Man-Bat's nightly hunts to be the Dark Knight's bloodthirsty return to action. Bruce dons cape and cowl once more to clear his name and solve the mystery behind these attacks. Eventually, Dick ends up in Arkham Asylum under Crane's unsympathetic watch, and Kirk struggles with his "man vs. monster" syndrome as he longs to both reunite with his wife and get revenge on Crane. ^[11]

The script for Batman: DarKnight sat at Warner Bros. and languished in development hell up until late 2000. Shapiro stated that DarKnight was in the running the longest as the next Batman movie compared to the other Batman projects in development. ^[11]

It may sound somewhat similar to what eventually became Batman Begins, but Man-Bat seems like a mistake for any Batman movie. He is part man, part bat. Seriously. I found it interesting that Scarecrow has consistently been the first choice for lead villain in each of these movies.

Batman Beyond

In October 1999, the website Ain't It Cool News reported that Warner Bros. was seriously considering a live action Batman Beyond movie, based on the animated series. In January 2000, Ain't It Cool News reported that Paul Dini and Alan Burnett would be writing the script, both of whom are well known for their work on The DC Animated Universe. In August 2000, it was confirmed that Dini, Burnett, Neal Stephenson, and Boaz Yakin were to all write the script, with Yakin to direct. A script was written and turned into Warner Bros., though the project was canceled in favor of the Batman: Year One project. ^[12]

For those of you not familiar, Batman Beyond was the cartoon that had Boy Meets World's Will Freidle voicing Batman. In the future. 'Nuff Said.

Batman vs. Superman

In August 2001,^[13] Andrew Kevin Walker pitched Warner Bros. an idea titled Batman vs Superman, attaching Peterson as director. Abrams' script was put on hold,^[14] and for reasons unknown, Akiva Goldsman was hired to rewrite Walker's draft which was codenamed "Asylum".^[15]

Goldsman's draft (dated June 21, 2002), had the premise of Bruce Wayne trying to shake all of the demons in his life after his five year retirement of crime fighting. Meanwhile, Clark Kent is down on his luck and in despair. Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth and Commissioner Gordon are all dead, as Clark just recently had a divorce with Lois Lane. Clark serves as Bruce's best man at his wedding to the beautiful and lovely Elizabeth Miller. After Elizabeth is killed by the Joker at the honeymoon, Bruce is forced to don the Batsuit once more, tangling a plot which involves Lex Luthor, while Clark sways a romance with Lana Lang in Smallville.^[16]

Filming was to start in early 2003, with plans for a five to six month shoot. The release date was set for the summer of 2004.^[17] Batman vs Superman was to relaunch both the Batman and Superman franchises respectively, with both sequels being reboots.^[14] Within a month of the studio green lighting the project, Petersen left in favor of Troy (2004).^[18] Warner Bros. could have easily assigned a new director, but chose to cancel Batman vs Superman in favor of a recent script submitted by Abrams for Superman: Flyby.^[19]

This is where the prospective movies officially started to take a darker turn. While the 'coming out of retirement' may have been a good angle for Batman, I am skeptical of both he and Superman being in the same movie - we all saw what happened when too many characters were stuffed into Spiderman 3.

Eventually, an adaptation of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One was put into place. It was originally deemed 'too violent,' but not all was lost - this incarnation would eventually be re-arranged into Batman Begins.

I think it's safe to say it was worth the wait.

Rock Band 2 Track List

2008-07-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

IGN just released the track list of the highly anticipated Rock Band 2, simultaneously filling me with joy and regret. Yes, I love Rock Band, but I have dumped close to $200 on the game, hardware (yes, I somehow can sleep soundly at night with a plastic drum set in my basement), and downloadable tracks. This is more or less a conformation that I will spend even more money pretending to be a rock star in front of a TV screen.

But alas, it doesn't cost me anything to check out what Harmonix will seduce me with in September. This is why I love the Electronics Entertainment Expo - it's a truckload of information dumped on gamers all within a short period of time.

The full list is included in the link above, organized alphabetically, but I thought I would highlight the more interesting points of the reveal.

The first thing that jumps out to me is the inclusion of a GUNS AND ROSES CHINESE DEMOCRACY TRACK. Seriously. It's probably shit, but given the legendary status of Axl Rose's perpetually-delayed mystery album, it was huge for MTV Games and Harmonix to include "Shackler's Revenge." I have to admit that as a fan of the GnR glory days, I am a little bit curious.

In addition to this, there are some great songs included - Beck's E-Pro, Bon Jovi's Livin' on A Prayer (hell, Penn Staters get enough practice on the vocals at home games), The Foo Fighter's Everlong, Journey's Any Way You Want It, Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son, The Red Hot Chili Pepper's Give It Away, Tenacious D's Master Exploder, and The Who's Pinball Wizard will all but ensure I pay up once again. Given the promise that "All downloadable content will work with Rock Band 2 and gamers can export tracks from Rock Band 1 to Rock Band 2," I'm already feeling better about my impending investment.

Another facet of the unveiling of the track list is a confirmation that the Bonus Tracks, once again, accomplish the physical impossibility that is sucking and blowing simultaneously:

76.	Abnormality	Visions	2000s
77.	Anarchy Club	Get Clean	2000s
78.	Bang Camaro	Night Lies	2000s
79.	Breaking Wheel	Shoulder to the Plow	2000s
80.	The Libyans	Neighborhood	2000s
81.	The Main Drag	A Jagged Gorgeous Winter	2000s
82.	Speck	Conventional Lover	2000s
83.	The Sterns	Supreme Girl	2000s
84.	That Handsome Devil	Rob the Prez-O-Dent	2000s

Does anyone enjoy these tracks? I only recognize one band on this list - Bang Camaro - and that's simply because I remember their crappy song on the first Rock Band.

Harmonix also keeps things traditional including bizarre choices on the track list. Yes, we understand that you're going for a wide gaming audience, but are the following necessary?
- Alanis Morrisette - You Oughta Know
- The Donnas - New Kid In School
- The Go-Go's - We Got The Beat
- The Muffs - Kids In America

The important thing is that Rock Band 2 seems poised to deliver more of what drew so many of us otherwise rationally-thinking adults to buy overpriced plastic instruments; a solid selection of songs, enough material to warrant considerable replayablitiy, and graphics that show how much Guitar Hero slacks off in the department. More on Rock Band 2 in the inevitable complete reveal of the new peripherals.

Get this widget!

Rock Band 2 (game only) at IGN

I'm The Only Intern That Can Photoshop

2008-07-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Not great for a half-page ad, but I was under time restrictions.

What to do, Brett Farve?

2008-07-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

I had to laugh at Kissing Suzy Kolber's take on the latest chapter in the Brett Favre retirement/un-retirement saga. The idea of anyone receiving a text saying "4′S BOYESH INTHUZIAZM FTW" is funny to me. And really, it got me thinking - maybe this situation isn't bad after all.

Initially, when rumors started swirling that Favre would come back even after his tearful retirement speech, I just wanted him to go away. It's not that I don't like Brett Favre - I think he is one of the great quarterbacks of the NFL (though stats may provide fodder for those who differ in opinion), and it was awesome that he had that small part in There's Something About Mary - I just hate nearly every journalist's undying fellation of him. We get it - in Wisconsin, he's an industry. He brings people in a very boring and fat state hope. He's a likable guy. Stop saying he is the child in all of us and there should be a church erected for worship of him (not exact quotes). After tribute after tribute, speculation if Aaron Rodgers would ever live up to Favre's legend (which is ongoing and will be until Rodgers is in the Hall of Fame or out of the NFL), and the presentation of the cover of Madden 09, everyone had accepted that #4 was out of the league.Then the issue with Favre's locker still being intact was brought up. I dismissed it as a non-story; in fact, it mostly was - the Packers eventually took out Brett's locker and gave it to him. Even though I hate that sort of speculative-even-if-it-is-true-I-don't-give-a-shit coverage, I figured it was just a by-product of the slow off season - hey, T.O. hasn't pulled anything besides missing a drug test this year.

But THEN came the story regarding Favre's supposed request to un-retire and return to the team. At first this pissed me off. The guy has made Green Bay wait every offseason for the past 3 years - holding their breath to see if their hero will come back. When he finally breaks it, and the Packers get to give Aaron Rodgers "his team," the fucker decides he changed his mind. Seriously? Did the thought of doing Sensodyne Toothpaste endorsements as your most exciting activity of the year propel you to pick up the ol' pigskin again?

I can understand why the Packers would - as they are rumored to - deny Favre the starting job after this back-and-forth will-he won't-he crap. From a simple employment standpoint - how would you feel if you were promoted, only to get demoted when the guy who held your previous position changed his mind? On top of all of this, Football has a lot more psychological subtleties than most people think - it helps the entire offense to know, without doubt, who the signal caller will be for the season. A clearly defined starter will not only get the practice reps he needs, but confidence in him will be all the more valuable.

However, this text shows that Favre really knows he has made a mistake. He wants to play next season - maybe two or more. And it looks like Green Bay won't let him do that - which leaves them two options - cut him, or trade him.

I became less annoyed by the situation and more intrigued when I read the Miami Herald's take:

Brett Favre seems like he wants to parachute back into the NFL. They ought to be drawing a big ''X'' in the middle of the Dolphins' huddle and coaxing him to a soft landing right here in Miami. Favre by most indications is a quarterback who needs to play again. Seems he has had a change of heart and wishes to recant his March 4 retirement, but Green Bay appears to have yanked away the welcome mat, like Lucy used to yank away the football just as Charlie Brown was about to kick it. But Miami is a team that needs a QB it can trust and rely on in 2008. Favre last missed a game in 1992. Seriously. Tomorrow's sunrise cannot be trusted and relied on like this dude.

Besides the cliched Peanuts analogy, I wholeheartedly agree. Miami is undergoing a pathetic three-quarterback race between the mediocre journeyman they intend to start (Josh McCown), the unproven commodity that led the team at the end of last year's sad season (John Beck), and their quarterback of the future (Chad Henne). Brett Favre would give them a top-10 quarterback for week 1. It wouldn't matter if he retired after the '09 season - it would still put them in a better place then they are now.

The point was also made that in the Packer's division, the NFC North, there is a dearth of quality quarterbacks. Could you imagine the Chicago Bears, or Detroit Lions going against the Pack with Favre at the helm? If I were a Green Bay fan, I think I'd have an identity crisis! Better yet - the Minnesota Vikings! Not only has Favre historically terrorized this franchise, but many speculate that with a quality quarterback, Minnesota could very well be the team to beat - their defense is no doubt top 10 with the acquisitions of S Madieu Williams and DE Jared Allen, and Adrian Peterson is the leagues best young running back. I've got to say - given my indifference to that division, I'd love to see how #4 in purple would play out.

So I guess my point is that there may be a reward for fans of the NFL having to hear the speculative drivel of if and where will Brett Favre play this season. If not, it just reminds some of us how much we can't wait for the season to start.

"Welcome Ta Earf!"

2008-07-04T10:26:00.001-07:00

Happy Independence Day everybody.

(Lost on the reference? Click Here.)

Somebody Get Shaun Phillips a Spell Checker

2008-07-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's easy to forget in all the glory of professional football that many of these athletically talented men are less than moderately intelligent. In some cases, they don't express themselves well. This is why I love Kissing Suzy Kolber, which routinely verbally eviscerates NFL players while still remaining loyal fans, and Yardbarker, which brings the fans on the same level as the players. Yardbarker features several blogs written by professional athletes, and some are better than others. Keith Rivers of the Cincinnati Bengals, for example, often writes thoughtful and extensive entires with proper grammar and syntax. Then there's Shaun Phillips of the Chargers, whose hobbies include "Learning about the world", weighing in on the controversy surrounding the rapid inflation of rookie contracts:

I think they gotta stop somewhere with this. I love that everyone is making money but its starting to get rediculous how much money unproven players are getting before they take a snap. There are future hall of famers that are not making as much in there entire carrier as these kids are making in one check. I think the nfl should take some notes from the nba on caping rookies. If you think about it most rookies don't really come into there own until 4th our 5th yr anyway. So just imagen how much there second contract will b if they where 2 play there whole 50mil contract out it makes u wanna laugh huh. My final note is more power to them cause I want everyone to get all the money in the world cause imma get mine.

Sp95

Where do I start? While I do agree with Shaun that it is 'rediculous' how young phenoms are "making more in one check" than hall of fame-bound veterans earn in their entire "carrier" and I do think that "caping" rookies a la the NBA is the solution, it's hard for me to "imagen" how we can take his opinion seriously when he doesn't even bother to spell out "be, to, and you." What did you save with those abbreviations, Shaun? Four letters? Factor in your decision to include proper punctuation and you're almost up to double digits in characters you didn't have to type!

Also, I think I saw his final note of "more power to them cause I want everyone to get all the money in the world cause imma get mine" on a bumper sticker. It was a long sticker.

But hey, I guess the joke is on me because a guy who types at a first grade level is making millions of dollars a year while no doubt sleeping with countless beautiful women - while I sit in my underwear eating a klondike bar amidst snarky blogposts.

This Just In: CHTV Short Makes Me Laugh

2008-06-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

I've got to be honest with you - I didn't really like when Collegehumor started having it's staffers focus on video projects rather than writing articles themselves. It was a good business decision, as viral videos are the way of the internet these days, but I found so many faces on the site so much funnier when they were in print. Amir Blumenfeld, for example, I can't stand in the Jake and Amir videos my brother shits his pants (not litterally...yet) watching, but I used to look forward to his comedic writing.

Dan Guretwich (the "cool english teacher" in this sketch) was one of those people. However, I do have to give him credit - I recently discovered that he writes many of the scripts for these shorts, which in my limited comedy writing, I have found to be hard shit. Sure, I don't find many of CH's videos to be particularly worthy of my time (not to hate on Jake and Amir, but sometimes it seems like they're not even trying), but every once and awhile a video like this reminds me why I visit the site. It's hard work to be consistently funny on a regular basis, and the more regular exposure you get, the harder it is to please people - Will Ferrell has this problem with the more critical part of the moviegoing population. So enjoy this (old) episode of "Hardly Working" - I was one of many people who had the "cool" teacher and can say Dan nailed it.

More WJBR.com Photoshop Work

2008-06-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm all over the front page.My in the thick of summer logo, which was actually designed before the logo it just replaced. People seem to like the sunglasses over the 99. I'm not sure, but I probably have stolen that idea from somewhere.It's riddled with amateur photoshopper aesthetic issues, but at least it's a half-page advertisement. By the way, "Join WJBR" means "awkwardly power-walk by the two young adults trying to hand out magnets and temporary tattoos while trying to get your kids to an early movie."This wasn't officially assigned to me, as Paul the production guy kind of wandered over while I was working on something else, saw that I had apparently a lot of practice with photoshop by now, and mentioned how people would always call him saying that the original online outlet link was too hard to find. I made this while doing the work I was actually supposed to be doing.This one is disappointing, because I had made an alternate logo that was, in my opinion, better. It had a ball pit background instead of the creepy little kids' heads. I figured most of us have positive associations with ball pits, and pictures demonstrate a product better than words, but I guess the alternate was too hard to read, or my boss couldn't find it. Oh well.Probably the simplest ad for the website I've made. Justified becuase fireworks will be relevant for what- One week?

I know none of these are particularly impressive or interesting, but it seems like once they are taken down and replaced by newer ads, they're off the internet completely. So I'm storing some of the better (yes, this is my best attempt at quality work) ads here. I'm sure there will be more, as I have found out I am the only intern that knows how to photoshop.

This Can't Promote Healthy Behavior

2008-06-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

For the past few months, I've been signing on to AIM just about whenever I open my laptop - you never know who will be on when, and even if you don't have anything to talk about, it isn't a bad idea to catch up with people.

As a result, I see the AIM "Dashboard" roughly half a dozen times a day. I would change my settings so it didn't pop up in my browser automatically, but I have to admit that every now and then, there's an interesting story buried among the usual crap.

While this may be more appropriately dubbed usual crap, today I saw this:
Good Job, AOL. I have to click on her. Despite the disgustingly saccharine header, I find her adorable. It's probably the attribution of innocence given to rainbow hair paired with the fact that she's, to paraphrase Vince Vaughn "eyefucking the shit out of me."

So, like a hormone driven idiot, I clicked, and discovered Pixnay. Pixnay is one of the many AOL subsites, and is described as the following:

Choose your favorite of two photos randomly plucked from our pool of hot girls and guys. The next battle will appear. Pick. Click. Repeat. Enjoy.
Judging these face-offs is rockin’ in itself, but why not spout your opinion for all of Pixnay to see or, better yet, get in the ring and join the fray?
All you need is a hot picture of yourself and an AOL or AIM screen name to play.

Not only will this give lazy people like myself carte blanche to creep on girls I don't even know, but the fact that everyone is openly encouraged to submit their own pictures for judging opens so many opportunities for disaster.

If you're ugly, or even average, it is almost impossible that this fact will be confirmed quickly - people don't exactly hold back their criticisms on the internet - you've got so much to hide behind, why would you?

Take, for example, this young lady:I don't think further commentary is necessary.

If you're hot, you probably already know this - it just pisses the rest of us off when you get yet another confirmation that you will indelibly have an easier life simply because you're attractive. Plus, thanks to the internet, d-bags all over the world can "holla at ya" faster than ever!Also, doesn't anyone worry about stalkers anymore? Is that just me? Am I antiquated because I view the internet as a possible haven for disturbed perverts with a great deal of time (and most of the time, spooge) on their hands? Apparently this girl isn't:And people wonder why I don't want to have daughters down the road.

But I guess what really kills me the most about Pixnay is that I'm going to keep voting on girls like a lab rat hitting a button that triggers food. As minimal as the stimulation is, it does give you something to do - during time which I could be much more productive. Writing, more specifically.

Facebook Is Turning You Gay

2008-06-23T22:31:00.001-07:00

Back when I was on Facebook (oh, has it only been a month?), I would log in around 12 times a day. The time spent on Facebook for each log in would vary, but what is important is that when I did click around a lot, a new ad (or "flyer" as the supposedly user-friendly site calls) them would pop up in the left sidebar.

Towards the end of my time on Facebook, I would see a LOT of 'Men Seeking Men' ads appear in that sidebar. At first I dismissed it as the gay dating sites investing in flyers, but they kept coming up so often I became worried.

How many guys' profiles am I looking at? I would think. Why does Facebook think I'd be interested in meeting gay men?! Am I really that flamboyant in print?

Finally I asked some other people. Turns out, there were that many gay dating ads on there. And that's why I especially enjoyed Kissing Suzy Kolber's discovery of none other than Notre Dame / Cleveland Browns douchefuck BRADY QUINN in one of these ads.I find it hysterical that the reported gay-basher keeps finding himself associated with the homosexual community.If you're feeling like it's unfair for his sexuality to be questioned, I present the following:I guess if you're a gay dude on the prowl, just look for #10.

MTV and Harmonix Gave Me A Birthday Gift Whether They Knew It Or Not

2008-06-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

From IGN:

June 20, 2008 - MTV and Harmonix announced today that three tracks from Weezer's newly released Red Album will be made available for download in Rock Band on June 24 on Xbox Live and June 26 the PlayStation Network. The list of songs includes "Dreamin," "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived," and "Troublemaker." The track pack will cost you $5.49 (440 Microsoft Points) when bought as a bundle and $1.99 (160 Microsoft Points) for each individual song.

I've got to say, not only am I thrilled that Rock Band (the game in my collection that is second only to Halo 3) has allowed me to sing and play along with Weezer's hits "Say It Ain't So," "El Scorcho," and "Buddy Holly" in the past, but that they pick my three of my favorite five songs off their new album.

The Red Album is comparably solid to other albums, and while it may wilt in the second half, I love it as much, if not more, than Maladroit. What better day for MTV and Harmonix to make an announcement that I can further integrate Weezer and Rock Band than my birthday? It will without doubt be worth the measly $5.49 I will hand over as soon as possible this coming Tuesday.

Student Fights Mifflin Streak Charges

2008-06-20T16:05:00.001-07:00

I found this story by checking The Lion, my during the year employer (if you can call an organization you volunteer for while getting no compensation and employer), and it's blog on the Centre Daily Times website.

The gist of it is Elizabeth Burke(left), a 20 year-old student who participated in last semester's traditional streak, who was (unsurprisingly)apprehended by police and subsequently charged with open lewdness. The streak, for those of you not in the know, is an annual tradition among students, always taking place in the Pollock dorms region of campus.

What's interesting is the blogger's - more specifically Peter Bosak of The Times, who has followed the story for the past few weeks - examination of legalizing the streak. While it definitely won't happen (townies of State College tend to resent the students with what we already get away with in the first place), it doesn't seem like the most ludicrous idea. Plus, naked people.

Also, as The Lion operates during the entire year, cool stuff even gets done during the summer. The interview with the aforementioned student can be found here.

I Fucking Love The Daily Show

2008-06-17T22:14:00.000-07:00

The Daily Show has been both poignant and howlingly funny for years. It's remarkable how their writers so effectively lampoon the drivel that is show on Cable news networks while finding a way to keep being funny about the same stories that repeat themselves.

Jon Stewart and Co. really best themselves with this segment, featured last night, that was not only particularly applicable for me as an Obama supporter, but someone who has watched the word "blog" become a magnet of derision.

Can't see the clip? Watch it here.

The Troy McClure Film Quiz

2008-06-17T14:41:00.001-07:00

Phil Hartman voiced two of my favorite Simpsons characters - Shyster Lawyer Lionel Hutz and B-Movie washup Troy McClure. Naturally, I was thrilled to see the Troy McClure Film or Actual Terrible Movie Quiz on Mental Floss.

They start things out fairly easy, the first of the fifteen titles being The Erotic Adventures of Hercules. But after that, things get a little tough. Even someone who has watched America's favorite cast of yellow-hued dimwits countless time scored a mere 10/15 correct.

John Mayer May Be The Coolest Person Alive

2008-06-17T10:04:00.001-07:00

There is a reason why I put up with Funny or Die's unusually large embedded videos that make my page look awful - they are more often than not the most hilarious things on the internet.

I thought John Mayer was cool when I heard his music - the guy plays some of the best guitar this side of Zeppelin, and I thought he was the shit when he answered Ryan Seacrest's question of "Are you dating Jessica Simpson?" in Japanese. But on top of all this, the guy is funny.

"Please tell me I didn't just hear that you had cyber sex with a fifteen-year-old deaf girl."

2008-06-16T16:22:00.000-07:00

Do yourself a favor and watch Weeds.

If you have a subscription to the perpetually-in-second cable movie channel Showtime, you'll be able to catch the Season 4 premiere tonight. Speaking of that, if you haven't seen the first three seasons, it's probably available on On Demand.

You see, I am a DVD collector at heart - given that I can't watch too many movies over and over again (without the notable exceptions), this has led me to snatch up DVD seasons of TV shows I like as fast as a Warlord Dictator in an impoverished country would seize Unicef donations.

I have most of my favorite shows that are available - Arrested Development, Seinfeld, The Office, South Park, and The Simpsons get played nearly weekly - but occasionally I'll take a gamble and buy a season of a TV series if it's on sale for a ridiculous price. In fact, this is the very method by which I discovered Arrested Development.

My latest happy surprise is a dark comedy that enough people watch for there to be continued production and critical buzz, but not enough for you to get sick of people professing their love for it - not unlike Arrested before it got canceled.

I have only watched the first season (I purchased the first two seasons for a paltry $30 at Best Buy and have already 263 minutes of quality time to show for it), but here's the gist of the series: Nancy Botwin, expertly played by Mary-Louise Parker, finds herself struggling to support herself and her two sons' suburban California lifestyle after her husband suddenly dies from a heart attack. Her solution? Start selling pot in the upper-class community of Agrestic. What you get is a mix of stoner-comedy, soap opera-esque conflicts, and sharp satire of not only America's perception of Marijuana but the follies of upper class living. The story has hints of HBO's Big Love yet reminds me of Arrested in it's skewering of terrible people.

Faces you'll recognize include SNL alum Kevin Nealon - who may be my favorite part of the show ("It's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam only you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and shit.") as Botwin's stoner accountant and number one customer - Romany Malco of 40-Year-Old Virgin fame as the streetwise dealer Conrad, and Elizabeth Perkins as the utterly detestable (but howlingly funny) Cecilia - who you would know as the chick from Big.

Really, I can't say much more about the series without taking away from what I've seen, but it's one of those shows that unfortunately won't get it's due until it's prematurely canceled. With all the shit on TV lately, you'd think word of mouth could ensure shows like Weeds get more than critical praise.

It's Hard To Take A Mock Seriously When Jim Sorgi Is Drafted

2008-06-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

The idea of an auction-style fantasy football draft, in which players are given a salary cap and bid each other for the drafting rights of each player, has always been intriguing to me. Today I found out Fantasy Football Auctioneer not only hosts online auction-style fantasy drafts, but offers free mock drafts as well, and couldn't help but give it a try.

The only thing is, few people seem to know about it. I played against 10 automated players and 1 human, so things weren't exactly accurate. For instance, Jared Lorenzen and Jim Sorgi belong on the waiver wire, rather than taking up even $1 of one's salary cap. I can't really tell if I did well, but I decided to post the roster anyway.

Andy Bs (Andy Bernard)

Pos

Name

Team

Bye

Salary

David Garrard

Jaguars (JAC)

LaDainian Tomlinson

Chargers (SDG)

Earnest Graham

Buccaneers (TAM)

Santonio Holmes

Steelers (PIT)

Lee Evans

Bills (BUF)

Calvin Johnson

Lions (DET)

Heath Miller

Steelers (PIT)

Stephen Gostkowski

Patriots (NWE)

DEF

Minnesota Vikings

Vikings (MIN)

B-QB

Jason Campbell

Redskins (WAS)

B-RB

Darren Sproles

Chargers (SDG)

B-RB

Kevin Smith

Lions (DET)

B-RB

Rashard Mendenhall

Steelers (PIT)

B-WR

Donte' Stallworth

Browns (CLE)

B-WR

Patrick Crayton

Cowboys (DAL)

B-WR

Bobby Engram

Seahawks (SEA)

Remaining Salary Cap:$11

Total:$89

The real problem here is that I blew nearly 40% of my cap on the first pick. I usually complain about how the serpentine system limits you to a certain predictable pattern of players (if Randy Moss is your 1st rounder with the 10th overall pick, you won't get Ryan Grant unless you reach, for example), but I think I could have done better if this were not an auction format. I really salvaged this draft by having nearly $30 left over for all the rookie RBs and scrub WRs in the twilight of the draft.

In the end, this is a made up draft for a made up game, so I'm wasting my time unless the field of fantasy football becomes a viable career landscape.

Fable 2 Screenshots

2008-06-14T17:22:00.001-07:00

Years and years ago, my brother Nick would randomly drop to the floor and make himself convulse - it was his way of coping with what he called "Fable Cravings." You see, he had been following Peter Molyneux's game Fable for the Xbox for years, and apparently couldn't wait.

Besides this practice being particularly annoying, the problem with this whole situation is that Nick built up the game to be something that it wasn't. To his credit, Molyneux made huge promises he never could have delivered - "Blades of grass you cut will stay that way."

When the game came out, Nick played a game he expected to have limitless customization and player freedom that only had a fairly pedestrian amount of unique features. He ultimately viewed the long-awaited Fable in a negative light.

Hence, I am trying my best to temper my expectations for Fable 2. I myself loved the original, so I should have less reason to worry than my sibling, but I do not want to fall victim to the same aggrandizement for which Molyneux has become infamous. On the other hand, IGN has some interview material and screenshots with the creator of the game and it looks anything but disappointing. Also, check out the video interview.

The first 15 minutes of Fable 2 begin with you as a child. You'll choose to be either a boy or girl, but no other customization options are available.

Molyneux hopes that Fable 2 will not only deliver on the past promises for the original game, but will exceed all expectations. There's a lot to buy, a lot to explore and a lot of ways to improve your character. In fact, the final feature in Fable 2 isn't unlocked until the final 20 minutes. Expect to constantly have new expansions to your power and new wrinkles to gameplay throughout.

At one point in Fable 2, you meet a shadow creature who decides that one person must suffer in order to proceed in a crucial part of a quest. A young, attractive woman wanders into the woods and you are given a choice. One person must be horribly scarred. But will you sacrifice your own face to save this pretty girl or will you let vanity rule your decision? Sure, it could be easy to say you don't care about how you look, but your appearance affects how everyone in Albion reacts to you. Come home to your wife and kids with a mangled face and they will scream with terror. Are you willing to spend the rest of your time in Fable 2 horrifying children? And if not, then you forfeit the happiness of an innocent woman.

Maybe it's just because I need a girlfriend to occupy the time I would be using to play this game, but that sounds freakin' AWESOME! The final feature isn't unlocked until the final 20 minutes of the game?! Morality-bending shadow creatures?! Why don't game developers put that kind of stuff in EVERY game?!

Just hit me if I start having "Fable Cravings."

WJBR.com Shizz

2008-06-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

As I may or may not have mentioned on here, I am ankle-deep into an internship with WJBR. Though I have been told internships are mostly composed of random errands and re-introducing yourself, I have been surprised at the varied work I've done during my shifts at the station, which has ranged from hanging a mirror (though it may have been better for a professional to put holes in their wall) to logging commercials for the web broadcast.

Recently I've done some web work orders for the station - here's some photoshopping of mine that is featured on the website.

The first is a logo for early summer - complete with J-Bear. Stay tuned for the extra-summery station logo which has been delayed until the day summer "officially" starts.Next is an advertisement for a Dutch Wonderland "Block Party" contest - complete with blind-your-grandmother-bright color coding.And the third and final piece is probably the best one (ooh! he changed text color mid-word!) is advertising how to win Rachael Ray's "Yum-o" cookbook.Interestingly enough, I almost got in trouble for this one, as THIS photo (left) came up in a google image search for Rachael Ray. "That's NOT Rachael Ray," my supervisor said. Whether it is or not, it's not like I typed in "seductive chocolate spoon-licker." Oh well.

I'm wondering when I'll be called out for using the outline for lettering ALL the time. Really, it's all I've got. This isn't quality photoshop work. Maybe I'm just the only intern that is comfortable with using it, because really, this is basic stuff. The good news is the quicker I am with the basics, the more time I have to screw around with more complicated artistic accents for the WJBR page. So if you go on to the website and the Dating Line advertisement is somehow 3-D, pulsing and playing technomusic, it may have been just a slow day at work.

An Actually Interesting Article on Sexual Harrassment

2008-06-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

MSN - Complaints about women bosses preying on men have doubled since 1990. What’s going on out there?

I haven't bothered to change my default homepage from MSN, so occasionally I'll catch the 'Lifestyle' story of the day before going to FoxSports or CollegeHumor. Today's was about the growing trend of female bosses sexually harassing male subordinates. As demonstrated by the photo that accompanies the article (right), MSN apparently assumes, as I often do, that all women in this kind of story are hot.

If you're too lazy to read the entire article, I've selected some of the more detailed parts. I guess these are supposed to shock and awe you. Again, if you take MSN and my approach, this makes the story a lot better.

Louis Oblea Jr. logged onto his company computer and clicked on his e-mail: There was [his boss], completely nude and performing a sex act on herself. Not two minutes later, another e-mail from her landed in his in-box. This one, another woman, in a bondage getup.

Perhaps there was a miscommunication when "benefits" were discussed during his interview.

Says a 35-year-old executive at a Massachusetts financial company, who has 37 men reporting directly to her: “There are days when I just think, You know, I could have any single one of these guys."

She then goes on to say she would never cross that line blah blah blah, but why wreck your vision of the calculating cougar seductress?

She would ask me point-blank, Do I go down on my wife?

No commentary needed.

Just goes to show you, the Lifestyle section may be worth reading now and again.

Gee, I Wonder Why This Has Garnered Over 2 Million Views

2008-06-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, What Would Tyler Durden Do? strays from it's patented brand of entertainment satire to include something less relevant. I don't really mind because, look, it's a hot girl with no pants on! Wiggling her ass!

In other news, I really need a life.

It's Always Sunny

2008-06-06T15:27:00.000-07:00

While there is no real story here, a couple of us did spend a fun afternoon in Philadelphia today. Why drive 50 minutes out of my way when gas prices are skyrocketing? Because Preston and Steve announced that they would play a small part in the next season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia as construction workers. They also said that the cast would be filming today at 2:45 in the city, and invited everyone to come out and be extras in a crowd scene.

While we didn't get to be extras (there was just a group of gawkers that we traveled with), it was pretty cool seeing the cast up close. Rob McIllhenny in particular was really cool to people that yelled to him or waved. Way to remember your roots.

Nick had my camera and used his freakish height to get the best pictures possible, though the PAs backed us off early and often.

I'll start with the best picture first.David Hornsby - a.k.a. "Rickety Cricket."

Rob McIllheny - a.k.a. Mac (center, in the classic Phillies tee) Charlie Day - a.k.a. Charlie Kelly - mysteriously wearing the "Green Man" suit under his clothes.McIllhenny and Glenn Howerton - a.k.a. Mac and Dennis - going over details on an upcoming scene outside Commerce Bank.
From left to right: Hornsby, Mary Elizabeth Ellis (her back), - a.k.a. The Waitress - and McIlhenny preparing to shoot outside the bank.
Danny Devito's BACK! (It is very hard to take a picture of a short person from a crowd)

In short, I kind of expected for us to kind of mill around rather than have some mind-blowing experience, but it was still awesome to see so many writer-actors that I respect. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is one of the most unheralded shows on television and while crass, rarely takes a cookie-cutter approach at comedy. There's a good chance I'll be following them around if I'm in town next summer.

ESPN's Top Ten Running Backs in the History of The NFL

2008-06-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

I realize that a majority of the most recent posts have been simply links, but bear with me.

ESPN ranked the Top 10 NFL Running Backs, and interestingly enough, there is only one current player on that list. I realize that when you're compressing decades upon decades of talent into a top-ten list, you're going to spread it out through history, but given the rising standards for NFL defenses, you would think somebody like Westbrook could break into the tail end of the list. I think you can guess which current player made it in.

Don't fret, an adventure is planned for tomorrow - If all goes well, I'll at least have pictures.

Tidbit on Collegehumor

2008-06-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

It's a far cry than the other pieces of writing I've done that have been featured nationally for CollegeHumor, but for those longing for the days of London Bridge and Bitches, I have a small treat for you.

105% is a weekly column of short-form jokes which includes work from CollegeHumor staff members as well as readers/part-time writers. This week's edition featured a joke I sent in on a lark - accompanied by my classic alias on the site.

And if you're wondering why it's been so long since I've been featured on the site, the two aforementioned full-length articles got less than 100 "Likes" combined. Oh well, maybe I'll pop up more often now.

YESSSSSSSSS!

2008-06-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

ESPN Sent Keeper League Members A Revealing Message This Week.

I know that my league's draft is a little under 2 months away, but I am too excited to realize how long that really is.

UPDATE (6/10): As I referred others to this link, I have now discovered the destination has changed to some dude's league homepage. The message was that ESPN Fantasy Football leagues would open on Thursday, June 12th.

Fuck You, I Like This Artist

2008-06-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

I am being lectured by my brother nick for my preference for what he calls "songs by a fatty whore bag that were popular for a half of a day before they became utter jokes."

Now, at first, I was inclined to take offense to his opinion, as I have long criticized the trash that tops the TRL charts and reaches the top of the Billboard Hot 100 (Lil' Wayne's Lollipop, I'm looking at you.) However, since college (and downloading free music), my tastes have expanded, and I am no longer the classic/modern rock purist. On top of that, he listens to shitty 80s music that people who actually lived during the era don't even remember - and worse, Ska.

So, this is the inaugural edition of what may be a reoccurring feature, simply entitled: Fuck You, I Like This Artist. Because you know what, not all songs are going to be as uniquely musically crafted as Stairway to Heaven. In fact, most are recycled melodies and shallow lyrics packaged by a slick marketing firm. But damn, some of them are catchy.

So this edition's artist is none other than Katy Perry.

Ms. Perry, (who is not fat by the way, and I would say not a whore, but the truth is I've never met her so I couldn't tell you) was recommended by Broseph Jared, who typically is the source for the new Akon jam. Perry grew up as the daughter of two pastors in Santa Barbara. She released a Christian Gospel CD in 2001 under the name Katy Hudson before taking her Pop Rock approach to music.

You may know her for her hit song "Ur So Gay" (Below), which apparently has been around for a while. Perhaps I dismissed it immediately when she decided not to spell out 'You're.' It's gotten some buzz recently because Madonna mentioned it was her current favorite song in a radio interview.
What really hooked me was "I Kissed A Girl." Yes, all you have to do is hint lesbianism and I will give your song a chance. But in all seriousness, while 'I Kissed A Girl' isn't going to blow anyone away with musical complexity, it will get inside your head. Perry's pipes, along with the long lost cousin of the drum beat from Gary Glitter's 'Rock and Roll Pt. 2' make for a pretty good pop hit. The video, sadly, does not deliver on any assumed promises.
If you like what you hear, you may want to consider buying Katy Perry's album, One of The Boys, on June 17th.

If you don't and you think I'm a loser for liking either of these songs, Fuck You - I Like This Artist.

This Movie Will Kick Ass

2008-05-28T15:05:00.001-07:00

Chuck Palahniuk wrote the book Fight Club before anyone had even intended on making it into a movie. Now, I'm not one of those pro book fascists - Brad Pitt and Ed Norton did the book more than justice - but it's a little tragic how so many people know the first rule about fight club is to not talk about fight club, but have no idea who came up with that line.

Choke is quite possibly a better book by Palahniuk, so you can bet I am excited for it. Today the poster was relayed to my browser thanks to Filmdrunk, and I thought it was worth posting. The trailer may not give this direct of an impression, but this movie will kick ass.

Palahniuk has a knack for crafting enigmatic characters with bizarre habits used to cope with the messed up world they live in - making a great lead for a movie. This time it's Victor Mancini, a sex addict who forces himself to choke on food to grift from fellow diners when he's not working as colonial reenactor. It was just the icing on the cake when it happened to be I read the book while living in Williamsburg.

You don't get a great sense of the plot or the depth of Palahniuk's biting satire (it's only two minutes, after all), but it is a nice introduction to the limited release. I have hopes that it will get enough of a following that eventually more theaters will carry the film and A) I will be able to actually see it, considering State College isn't known for it's theatres and B) People may get behind it on the wave of Fight Club alone.

The Octabong is No Joke

2008-05-27T13:49:00.001-07:00

I have been a regular visitor of BustedTees since I discovered it's Connected Ventures sister site, Collegehumor, and have gladly paid for slightly overpriced t-shirts over the year(s) because they're pretty damn clever, yet not widely known enough that you'll see the same friggin' t-shirt on eight other people every day you wear it.

So, I was surprised that their newly advertised Octabong. was not a joke. Seriously? It sounds like satire, but the guys over at BT are for real - they are peddling an 8-armed compartmental beer bong so binge drinking can be even more team-related than before. The price of $45 seems a little steep, but hey, I'm really not their target market (when beyond pure demographic is considered). I guess they're trying to branch out from t-shirts - I wonder what's next.

You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay.

2008-05-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

This is a futile attempt to provide evidence that I'm not a poser, as this song will absolutely explode in the iTunes download department - if it hasn't already - thanks to the simple fact that Apple used it in it's most recent commercial.

It's called 'Viva La Vida' and something about it is absolutely addicting. I have both Coldplay's A Rush of Blood To The Head and X & Y, but this single leads me to believe that this next album will easily best it's predecessors.

Listen to it, it just may be your favorite new song.

Still Worth Watching

2008-05-26T12:01:00.001-07:00

I have always been a fan of The Simpsons - to this day I watch the ten seasons out on DVD on a weekly basis. There's a good reason why it's the longest running situation comedy in the history of television - it's smart, but doesn't bore you to death or condescend.

However, in recent years I have not bothered to tune in to new episodes on Sundays - somewhere just before the 300th episode, the quality level tended to dip. The unfortunate fact is, when you're on the air that long, you start to run out of things for your characters to do. I became one of the many Simpsons snobs that only respect the first eleven or twelve (of now 19!) seasons of the series.

Today, I stumbled across an MSN service that shows a handful of full episodes of the 19th season, and I have to say, Matt Groening and Co. have still got it. Sure, the episodes' premises are even more far fetched and the writers are more prone to episodes completely devoted to parody - 'Love, Springfield Style' made me laugh once or twice but reminded me why I didn't bother to make the series appointment television anymore - but compared to the drivel that gets primetime status on other nights, it's pretty damn good.

In my opinion, the ideal length for a quality sitcom is 8-10 years, maximum. Jerry Seinfeld had it right - go out on top. The Simpsons has obviously sprinted past that mark (nearly twiceover), but popular culture commentary still gives it some steam. An episode entitled 'Any Given Sundance', in which Lisa films her dysfunctional family in a documentary had a great example of the family being a foil for current events -

Lisa [Turning on the Camera]: No Toupees!

Homer: Whaat, I’m going for a Shia LeBeouf thing – not quite a nerd, not quite a hunk – Shia LeBeouf!

Throw in the self-effacing cameo by John C. Reilly in the end (The Simpsons often avoids the pitfalls of stunt-casting by openly lampooning guest stars) and that's worth my thirty minutes. Yeah, it's not as good as it was anymore - but you could do much worse.

As for myself, I'm looking forward to when these episodes come out on DVD - I have some catching up to do.

All-Nighter

2008-05-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

It's 4:15 A.M. For most people, this insinuates that you have been up all night - it's too late for your average person to go to bed, but too early for most early workers to rise. I realize that there are many exceptions to this rule, but it's 4:15, give me a break.

I decided at about 2 AM to pull an All-Nighter because I did the math. With church at 8, I was looking at 6 hours maximum - I can't tell you how much sleep I've lost doing night math as the minutes pass.

So, because I have no better excuse, this is a writing experiment. For what? Nothing that would be on here anytime soon - it's a secret project. (Read: Something I'm excited about, but it's too cool to be realistic, and therefore likely to come to fruition.) Either way, I think I've made some progress - usually this type of writing strategy produces stuff you look at the next day and wonder if it was inspired by an acid trip, but hey, it's a start.

I may have found a way to combat stalled progress for personal writing endeavors. Or this will be yet another terrible idea. Hey, look - A LOLCat!

Disappointing Halo 3 Tidbits

2008-05-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

If Bungie, the company behind the Halo Trilogy, does one thing well, it's informing hardcore fans of upcoming projects. The Weekly What's Up(date) has been something I, as a fan of the games, have checked every week for months. Unfortunately, good news comes as often at bad news.

Though there was some hints to the contents of upcoming Downloadable Multiplayer Maps, I found a few things discouraging:

- "We’re absolutely aware of the massive community outcry and desire to have new armor permutations added to Halo 3. It’s been investigated thoroughly and there will not be any new armor permutations added to Halo 3."

This sucks. 'Investigated thoroughly' means 'deemed not fiscally advantageous'. Granted, this could be one of those things where I don't know what I'm talking about, but this would be something fans of the game would love, but wouldn't make more people buy the game. It's not the worst thing in the world - after all, given the countless hours I've spent on Halo 3, I've gotten plenty of bang for my buck - but it would have been a great piece of downloadable content a handful of the community would have gladly paid for.

- "There are no plans that we are aware of to make the Legendary Maps free, ever."

I kind of feel like this is the most disappointing news. I'm not crying foul yet, but it seems like there was an assumed agreement that if you waited long enough, your patience would be rewarded with a waived fee for downloadable content - all the other Map packs followed this pattern. Is it because Bungie is it's own independent company and doesn't have the financial luxury to keep giving away older content? Or are they capitalizing on the fact that two fan favorites - the remakes of Lockout and Sidewinder (Blackout and Avalanche, respectively) - are contained in the Legendary Map Pack? The third possibility is that they don't want to dissuade sales right before they make the DLC free - you wouldn't pay for it if you knew it was only three more weeks until you didn't have to, would you?

- "We have no plans of any kind to reset Ranks in Halo 3. That said, we aren’t thrilled with the way the lines have blurred between EXP and Rank – your rank is really just a number we’re using to match you with other similarly ranked players – and that line blurring something we’re spending a lot of time looking at."

I kind of liked when they would reset your rank. If you waited a few weeks to play ranked matches, you could steamroll the competition for a good forty games. I really can't fault them too much for this - it's a testament to the new leveling system they've implemented.

Fantasy Football Mock Draft-tacular!

2008-05-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's far too early for anyone remotely normal to care, but as a little gift to myself for Memorial Day Weekend, I decided to do a Fantasy Football Mock Draft at CBS Sportsline. I'm mainly posting this here so I can laugh at these picks when half of them are injured/holding out on their current contract/imprisoned for dogfighting during actual draft season -which, by the way, by my calendar is only nine weeks away!

The Rules -
Similar to how I usually play - 1 QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, 1 RB/WR, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 DST, 5 RES (14 Rounds)

The Draft -
Nine nobodies, including me, and one Auto-Pick player. I was in the tenth slot.

Round 1 - Pick #10 - Randy Moss (WR - Patriots)
Who was picked before: Marion Barber (RB - Cowboys)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: I typically follow traditional Fantasy Football protocol, taking the two strongest running backs available, as they have long been the foundation for championships. However, with the two-back system dominating today's NFL, these running backs are harder and harder to find, not to mention at a value in the tenth slot. Throw in the fact that RB is an injury-prone position and getting a crack at the first wide receiver taken overall is looking pretty good. Moss won't break records two years in a row, but he is the unquestioned top fantasy receiver at this point and is in a pass-happy, mostly unchanged, angry offense.
Why this was a bad pick: Moss has had a history of temper tantrums, and while he's on a winning squad, they were tragically (only in the eyes of Pats fans) close to having the perfect season and going 19-0. Many experts say that the New England Juggernaut will be immune to the legendary Superbowl hangover, but there's some risk taking Moss as the first member of your fantasy squad.

Round 2 - Pick #11 - Clinton Portis (RB - Redskins)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Larry Johnson (RB - Chiefs)
Why this was a good pick: Clinton Portis bounced back from being injured and had a decent year and rumbled for 1,262 yards and 11 touchdowns (not to mention 389 yards receiving). He was an unheralded consistent force that, if healthy and used properly by new coach Jim Zorn, is an under the radar cornerstone of a championship team - not flashy, but productive. Think Rudi Johnson of the Bengals before his injury in 2007.
Why this was a bad pick: Portis has an injury history - even as of the 8th of May, he was on the injury report. Granted, he was probable with only hip trouble (it's the knees fantasy owners are worried about), but previously injured running backs are more likely to crap out on you mid season. Throw this in the uncertainty of an entirely new coaching staff, and my 'safe pick' suddenly isn't looking so safe.

Round 3 - Pick #30 - Torry Holt (WR - Rams)
Who was picked before: Derek Anderson (QB - Browns)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: To quote CBS Sports' expert analysis: "Rams WR Torry Holt has at least 90 catches and 1,100 yards in six-straight years. He reached that mark again last year despite dealing with a sore knee." Keep in mind that on top of all of this, St. Louis was having line problems all year while trudging to an awful 3-13 record. Despite Holt's age (32), there's a lot of upside here - the Rams may be able to keep Quarterback Marc Bulger on his feet and healthy this season, paying dividends for Touchdown Torry.
Why this was a bad pick: There's no guarantee that the line in St. Louis will hold. Orlando Pace is set to return, but the Rams didn't get a shot at Michigan Tackle Jake Long in the draft and didn't do anything spectacular in later rounds or free agency to make a huge turnaround in the Offensive line. In addition, Issac Bruce has departed in free agency to San Francisco - inevitiably leaving Holt with extra coverage from opposing defenses.

Round 4 - Pick #31 - Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Steelers)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Plaxico Burress (WR - Giants)
Why this was a good pick: I've traditionally stocked up on top-flight running backs and receivers in the first six rounds and put off drafting a quarterback. Ironically, the most important position in the National Football League isn't that integral in a fantasy championship - statistically, the top quarterback traditionally isn't far and away more superior than the tenth. However, my attempts to platoon low-end quarterbacks were agonizing - I always seem to pick the wrong starter from week to week. This year, I'm in the market for a top 5 quarterback - something Roethlisberger has become in Bruce Arians' past-first offense. He can start every week if healthy.
Why this was a bad pick: In the first four rounds, I have only one running back on my roster - and his name isn't LaDanian Tomlinson or Adrian Peterson. Considering it's another 19 picks until I can get my second back, if there is a run on RBs, I am royally screwed. Also, regarding Big Ben, Pittsburgh's offensive line hasn't gotten any better - a scary thought considering #7 was sacked 47 times last season.

Round 5 - Pick #50 - Michael Turner (RB - Falcons)
Who was picked before: Rudi Johnson (RB - Bengals)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: Turner has finally gotten to opportunity to shine without being engulfed in the shadow of LaDanian Tomlinson - unfortunately, he's now joined a team that can't seem to escape the shadow of Michael Vick. Still, the team is committed to back to basic football and Turner only has to fight change-of pace diminuitive back Jerious Norwood for carries. Given the less than fearsome competition in the NFC South, and Turner seems destined for 1,000 yards by volume of carries alone.
Why this was a bad pick: It was heartbreaking that a bargain like Rudi Johnson in the 5th round went right before this pick. Johnson has less variables to worry about than Turner, and was a consistency king for his injury. Also, Turner is a well-paid free agent who averaged over 6/yards a carry behind a premiere running back coming to play for a rebuilding team with few weapons. Sounds reminiscent of LaMont Jordan in Oakland, who had his moments of glory but struggled to consistently be the force he was made out to be.

Round 6 - Pick #51 - Jonathan Stewart (RB - Panthers)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Antonio Gates (TE- Chargers)
Why this was a good pick: This was a my swing for the fences pick - Stewart is a sign that Carolina is ready to win now, with the power running game. Before his injury at Oregon, some would argue he was the best all-around pro running back of this year's draft class. Given Carolina's intent not to rush Quarterback Jake Delhomme back from injury and lack of talent at the running back position before drafting Stewart, it looks like he'll be getting 15+ carries/game by the end of the season.
Why this was a bad pick: Antonio Gates was the safer call here - he's a Tight End that you would without a doubt start week in and week out. Also, Stewart is as likely to fail as he is to succeed. Last year I was excited to snag DeAngelo Williams, a promising young talent with a decent offensive line and a lame duck incumbent to challenge for the starting job. This year, a similar player on the same team is challenging Williams for that very same job. Maybe I'm just a sucker for runners in powder blue. On top of all of this, Edgerrin James was still available.

Round 7 - Pick #70 - Thomas Jones (RB - Jets)
Who was picked before: Hines Ward (WR - Steelers)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: The Jets didn't do anything drastic at the position through the draft or free agency (though they would have undoubtedly taken Darren McFadden if Oakland hadn't), so it shows they have some faith in Jones, who disappointed last season but still managed over 1,000 yards last year. Throw in new additions to the offensive line (especially Guard Alan Faneca) and an easier schedule, and Jones is my redemption for the risky pick of Jonathan Stewart at the running back position.
Why this was a bad pick: Jones is 30 - an awful age for running backs. There is still uncertainty for the lowly jets at quarterback - Kellen Clemens didn't look like he was ready for the starting job numerous times last year, which translates to 8 defenders in the box for an already challenged back. Luckily, Jones is at most considered a flex player for my team.

Round 8 - Pick #71 - Todd Heap (TE - Baltimore)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Josh Brown (K- Rams) (Seriously)
Why this was a good pick: Heap was considered an elite talent at Tight End before being injured last year. Also, whether it's Kyle Boller, Troy Smith, or Joe Flacco running the offense next year, they're all bound to lean on Heap as a safety valve.
Why this was a bad pick: Baltimore's offense was pretty terrible last year, and there's no guarantee that new coach John Harbraugh will be able to turn around the unit in a mere season. At this point, I'm falling behind on wide receivers, as I have no reserves drafted at the position in the first eight rounds.

Round 9 - Pick #90 - David Garrard (QB - Jaguars)
Who was picked before: D/ST Seahawks
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: In fantasy football, it's a good idea to "handcuff" your best players by drafting their backup in case they are injured - this works best for Running Backs, as Quarterback's backups are typically unfit to start in fantasy football. I have decided to "handcuff" my fourth round investment not with his real-life backup, but another quality quarterback - the newly extended David Garrard, who was a low-end No.1 quarterback last year. I'm overcompensating at the position, but at worst Garrard can be trade bait after Roethlisberger's BYE week.
Why this was a bad pick: I've invested a lot in the Quarterback position and in turn have sacrificed depth at Wide Receiver and Running Back. It's better to have starters at all positions than to have extraordinary depth at one position - something that isn't completely represented by this draft.

Round 10 - Pick #91 - Donald Driver (WR - Packers)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Justin Fargas (RB - Raiders)
Why this was a good pick: Driver has long considered a low-end No. 1 fantasy wide receiver. To get him in the double digit rounds was surprising. He has had fourth straight seasons with at least 80 grabs and 1,000 yards - not bad for your reserve player.
Why this was a bad pick: Driver doesn't have tremendous upside. He's 33 with two young wideouts - Greg Jennings and James Jones - poised to take his job, and his longtime passer just retired. Factor this in with last season's dropoff of touchdowns, and it may have been a better idea to take a risk on Bryant Johnson of the 49ers, who could be the number one receiver for the newest Martz experiment and was taken ten picks later.

Round 11 - Pick #110 - D/ST Patriots
Who was picked before: Jerricho Cotchery (WR - Jets)
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: I'm playing the odds with this one - the Patriots' competition in the AFC East is less than offensively intimidating. 6 games against the Dolphins, Jets, and Bills are enough of a selling point for me to draft this squad.
Why this was a bad pick: The Patriots lost a lot at corner this past offseason - most importantly lockdown DB Asante Samuel - and didn't draft replacements until later in the draft. In addition to that, the high-flying offense often led to high-scoring games against decent opponents, ultimately destroying the value of the D/ST certain weeks. I've just drafted a boom-or-bust commodity.

Round 12 - Pick #111 - Javon Walker (WR - Raiders)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Santana Moss (WR - Redskins)
Why this was a good pick: Walker is my big "surprise, bitches!" of this draft. He was hampered in Denver last year and demanded to be released, but it hasn't been ages since he was a quality fantasy performer. Given that Ronald Curry is the best wide receiver in Oakland, you know Walker will get the looks he wants if he can stay healthy enough to play every game. On top of that, Oakland has stockpiled a good amount of offensive firepower in their backfield - JaMarcus Russell, Michael Bush, Justin Fargas, and now Darren McFadden. Walker could come out of nowhere to have a good season.
Why this was a bad pick: Let's see, a relatively green Quarterback with a piss-poor offensive line, a new team, infamous recent injury history, and little to no support at the WR2 position, is that enough to dissuade you?

Round 13 - Pick #130 - LaDell Betts (RB - Redskins)
Who was picked before: D/ST Giants
Who was picked after: See below
Why this was a good pick: LaDell has played well in Portis' stead when he is injured in the past. This is a pure handcuff pick.
Why this was a bad pick: I've only got two picks left with a suspect D/ST and TE on my roster, and I choose a guy who isn't even supposed to start.

Round 14 - Pick #131 - Neil Rackers (K - Arizona)
Who was picked before: See above
Who was picked after: Ricky Williams (RB - Dolphins)
Why this was a good pick: I needed a kicker.
Why this was a bad pick: Rackers has been inconsistent lately, missing the key field goals he used to make. But hey, chances are this year's Robbie Gould will be picked off the waiver wire a few weeks into the season.

Final Roster -

The Andy Bernards - Mark
Player	Round Drafted	Overall Pick	Status	Pos
Roethlisberger, Ben QB PIT	4	31	A	QB
Portis, Clinton RB WAS	2	11	A	RB
Turner, Michael RB ATL	5	50	A	RB
Holt, Torry WR STL	3	30	A	WR
Moss, Randy WR NE	1	10	A	WR
Heap, Todd TE BAL	8	71	A	TE
Stewart, Jonathan RB CAR	6	51	A	RB-WR
Rackers, Neil K ARI	14	131	A	K
Patriots, DST DST NE	11	110	A	DST
Garrard, David QB JAC	9	90	RS	QB
Betts, Ladell RB WAS	13	130	RS	RB-WR
Driver, Donald WR GB	10	91	RS	RB-WR
Jones, Thomas RB NYJ	7	70	RS	RB-WR
Walker, Javon WR OAK	12	111	RS	RB-WR

I'd be OK with this draft if it were August - but then again, most people are happy on draft day, what matters is how they feel about their roster during the fantasy playoffs.

Pork and Beans Music Video

2008-05-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

The first single off Weezer's Red Album, set for release on June 3rd, now has a video.

I was first inclined to criticize the music video, but it's kind of grown on me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the song, but it seems like way too many people are going "Hey, remember [insert internet meme here]?! Wasn't that hillarious?! Now isn't it hilarious that we're reminding you of it?" Maybe it's just bad timing that this was released so close to South Park's Canada on Strike episode. It's kind of impressive how many they cram in there.

Either way, it looks like Weezer is going back to it's goofy roots - admittedly, my favorite music video by the band is Keep Fishin', which of course features the Muppets with the band.

Chris Cooley, Other Athletes are Awesome

2008-05-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

This anything new to me, but With Leather's recent feature on Chris Cooley's blog really prompted me to express how cool of a guy Cooley seems to be.

Ufford on WL makes essentially the same point, but #47 not only posts pictures of his hot wife to-be (the lovely lady on the right), but is completely straightforward in sharing information. He even was pretty cool about his team spending a second round draft pick on an additional tight end - something other players wouldn't take too kindly:

"As a player I feel like you can never discount having the best 11 guys on the field, so if two tight ends makes up the best 11 guys I'm all for it. I will do everything I can to help Fred become the best football player for the Redskins and I think he will do a great job."

I think my infatuation with the guy is a combination that the internet can put people on the same level - several athletes blog, and it not only gives you an insight into their personality, but puts out information that wouldn't be found on a national news source. Donovan McNabb, Donte Whitner, and Keith Rivers all blog at Yardbarker. This has been a great tool for McNabb, who often has to address his mothers' comments to clear the air - instead of getting second hand rumors that he's unhappy, fans can get his take straight from the quarterback.

In short, whether you're a fan of the Redskins or not, you should check out Chris Cooley's blog because he's the shit. If you want to find out more about certain professional athletes, not just limited to the NFL but other leagues (Gilbert Arenas had/has a blog), the best place might not be the media, but the players themselves. Go out there with your cybermachete and explore blogfrica - you'd be surprised what you'd might find.

A Week With No Posts? Wow, I Suck.

2008-05-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

I really don't have an excuse for not writing for a week. It's not like I'm busy.

At this moment, I have just deactivated my facebook account. It's not the first time I have done it - last winter I took the plunge, which actually isn't much of a plunge at all, considering you can re-activate it at any time. Which I promptly did within a month, if memory serves correctly.

They really seem used to deactivation at facebook. But there's this "Oh, you'll be back" tone when you start the process. Even if you get past that, they do this salesmen-esque last ditch effort to keep you hooked:

"Confirm Facebook Account Deactivation

Please let us know why you are deactivating. (required)

- I don't feel safe on the site.

You can alter your privacy settings to make sure you are more protected.

- This is temporary. I'll be back.

Remember, you can reactivate at any time by logging in with your email and password. Just so you know, your admin status in any groups or events will not be automatically restored after activation.

- I need to fix something in my account.

We can help you solve almost any problem. Let us know what the issue is and we'll help you fix it.

- I don't find Facebook useful.

You might find Facebook more useful if you connect with more of your friends. Check out our Friend Finder, or search for them.

- I receive too many emails from Facebook.

You can control what email you receive from us here.

- Facebook is resulting in social drama for me.

You can prevent this by learning about how to limit people from accessing your profile.

- I don't understand how to use the site.

You can email us with your questions. We'll respond within 24 hours.

- I have another Facebook account.

- I spend too much time using Facebook.

One way to control your interaction with Facebook is to limit the number of emails you receive from us. You can control what emails you receive here.

- Other"

I'm done with it. Yeah, it's fun to update profile pictures and talk to people you haven't seen in a long time, but I really weighed the pros and cons. On one hand, It's kind of a kick in the balls to people I don't go to school with, but they know my AIM and Cell number. And if you remembered to look here when I suddenly disappeared from facebook, good for you. Maybe I'll write here more often now.

Sometimes I don't like what I do on facebook. Why do I feel more comfortable posting on people's walls than talking to them in person? That's not right. How can I piss away 20 minute chunks cruising profiles of people I see regularly? Time to read a fucking book.

The second component to my rejection of the social network is a good amount of people treat it like a people-trophy collection. I'll get friend invitations from people that NEVER once intract other than that post. What's up with that?!

Now, to wrap this up as soon as possible in an attempt to head off xanga-style postings I so enjoyed mocking in middle school. Think about what you trade away for facebook in comparison to what you get out of it. I'm sure some people have very rewarding experiences and use it as an effective networking tool - I'm just worried too many of us are using it as a social substitute. And I'm looking to ditch that.

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I'm going to try as hard as I can not to.

Annnnd There Goes My GPA

2008-05-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered Chickipedia, a newly-created Break.com venture that's probably due to be Bill O'Reilly's ridiculous item of the day if it hasn't been already.

Just as the name suggests, Chikipedia is a Chick Encyclopedia.

At this moment, it boasts 3,230 women and 34,353 images. Ashley Alexandre Dupre of Governor Spitzer fame is labeled as 'The Hottest' at the moment. Hot chicks in movies that have just released are also featured on the front page. Queen Latifah may not be my cup of tea, but hey, I had no idea she was in What Happens In Vegas.

This website is basically a testament to the fact that us guys can always have more attractive women in our lives. There are literally millions of porn websites, sex is nearly omnipresent in advertising, and a good fraction of the female population dress more provocatively than ever - and yet that still isn't enough. Any new way to package this essence is welcomed with open armed by guys surfing the internet - men who have significant others who are mad at them, men who have no significant other to be mad at them, or just men with five minutes to spare. Chickipedia is not necessary, but is just flat out cool.

For Example, I clicked on 'Random Chick', and I am immediately directed to the page of Sienna West, a pornagraphic actress whose work I had not previously been acquainted with. (No, really.) Why would I ever need to know she was in Milf Worship 3? I don't know, but that doesn't keep me from clicking that button like a psychological test subject.

Each page has a relatively impressive amount of information, most notably the subject's measurements and a link to women of similar physical attributes. Can you hear that? It's the sound of all productivity of males from 16-40 dwindling.

And wouldn't you know it, the ability to embed entries into blogs!

Jenna_Fischer - see more hot women

More Flight of The Conchords Loveliness

2008-05-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

Supposedly a 'Youtube Exclusive', Flight of The Conchords released a video for 'Ladies of The World', easily one of the best 3 songs on their self-titled LP.

Now, longtime fans of Flight of The Conchords will quickly point out that they have already made a video for this song, included in the episode of their TV series on HBO entitled 'New Fans.' Personally, I'll take anything these guys put out to the masses - remember this statement when you see me chugging a fresh bottle of Flight of The Conchords brand raccoon semen-flavored soda.

I'm not sure which I prefer, as one has such original hokey charm to it, but the other offers Jemaine's ridiculous new mustache and rollerskating. I've included the new video (first), and then the original concept as shown in 'New Fans'. (Note: Embedded video doesn't appear if you're reading this on Facebook) Either way, I think these guys are awesome.

Mr. Feeny Would Be Disappointed

2008-05-14T18:41:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Preston and Steve, a snapshot of Boy Meets World's Danielle Fischel (Topanga) making out with another girl.

And if you're skeptical, here's a head on shot of Ms. Fischel - who, interestingly enough, dated the very gay Lance Bass. (You'd be surprised how many famous women I Wikipedia simply because I see a picture of them making out with other women)

Sophomoric of me? You betcha.

But too awesome not to post.

(Click on each photo to enlarge)

(Why yes, that was a double entendre)

I Think I'm Ready To Embrace The NHL

2008-05-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

If you've held a conversation me more than three times, it's likely that I have shared my plight with you - I am obsessed with the NFL, and face a horrible, horrible entertainment recession after the Super Bowl annually.

I tried to follow Baseball - the games seem insignificant, you can lose dozens upon dozens of games and still make it to the playoffs. Throw that in with the length of the games, and how am I supposed to me as emotionally invested as I am when watching the gridiron? Don't get me wrong, I'll go to the park to watch the Phils and have a great time while enjoying a bucket o' Crabfries, but it doesn't come anywhere close to football.

Basketball was even worse, on both the collegiate and professional level. For the record, I prefer the NCAA - March Madness is like the entire season compressed into a month, which helps the less than die-hard fans. But Penn State faithfully sucking is fairly discouraging. And do the professionals even try for the first half of the season? One half, Kobe's bitching about how he wants to be traded, the next he's playing at an MVP level.

But since I've gotten back, I've discovered that our cable plan carries Versus - the network that plays the NHL games that aren't picked up nationally.

And, at the conclusion of the second game of the Penguins - Flyers series, I have to admit, I think I've found my savior.

The game is just flat out exciting - players can score at any time, power plays completely change the momentum of the game, and the fights - oh, the fights. That's like an added bonus. I realize I'm jumping on the bandwagon a little late here, but I can see myself following a team faithfully.

I think what impressed me more than anything is the passion from the Fans - all the white towels and raucous fans packed into Mellon Arena reminded me a little bit of Beaver Stadium. Going to a home playoff game for an NHL team is now on my Bucket List.

And one added note - I haven't OFFICIALLY thrown my weight behind a team yet, but I currently reside in a Pens household. I'll try to keep my opinions to myself so I don't get accused of being a fairweather fan on either side. Maybe I'll pull something like my brother Nick and randomly claim I'm an Anaheim Mighty Ducks fan.

And as an added bonus, some appropriate Youtubage. More commercials should be this good -

Ok, MacGruber Has Grown On Me

2008-05-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

At first I kind of wrote off the SNL MacGruber digital shorts, but Shia LeBouf's appearance in the reoccurring sketch was pretty funny.

Sure, it's no Dear Sister, which I consider Shia's most memorable work on SNL, but it's worth watching.

Here's Why Dan Connor Fell So Far in the Draft

2008-05-09T12:58:00.001-07:00

Alex Marvez of Foxsports.com wrote a pretty good piece about Dan Connor today.

In addition to giving the Linebacker U reputation of Penn State a little credit (something the NFL hasn't done the past few years), the article provides a little enlightenment to why Connor fell so far in the draft. Given the opportunities for Linebacker U Almunus Matt Millen to take Connor at the top of the second round and Buffalo to draft Connor to start next to Paul Posluzny, it was a huge surprise that Carolina found him available in the third round.

Though the bulk of the article gives some insight as to why Connor wasn't worth taking with at top-5o pick, I've got a feeling that the Panthers will have the last laugh when the Nittany Lions' all-time tackler starts next to another young star of the linebacking corps, Jon Beason.

IGN's Best Ad Jingles Ever

2008-05-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

IGN decided (for whatever reason) to post the best jingles...1-7?

7 is an arbitrary amount, but It's something to think about. To me, Mentos would be at least the second best jingle. The first? Valtrex.

Superhero Movie Orgy (Iron Man 2 Already on The Way)

2008-05-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

"Buoyed by the blockbuster success of "Iron Man" over the weekend, Marvel Studios on Monday announced plans for a string of superhero properties, including an "Iron Man" sequel set for April 2010."

Iron Man kicked some serious ass this weekend, and for the most part, it should have. The casting was pretty well done, and visual effects by Industrial Lights and Magic (George Lucas' Company) made the whole experience enjoyable.

But I really hope they don't "fast track" Iron Man 2 - a possibility with the release date of 2010 already set. For as much as I enjoyed the first of the series this Friday, I had some problems with it. Cutesy scenes where the little boy on the ferris wheel drops his ice cream watching Iron Man fly by really added nothing. Lines like "and now I'm going to kill you" (spoiler: Iron Monger says it) actually made me laugh. Batman Begins had a little bit of levity (The headline "Drunk Billionare Burns Down Home" comes to mind), but it didn't distract from the plot at all.

I guess that's what I want every one of these upcoming superhero movies to be - Batman Begins. I don't care, completely copy the style. Batman Begins is my standard for any superhero movie because it took a wilting movie franchise, stripped it down and made it better than it ever was. The scary thing is that The Dark Knight is likely to be even better.

So Iron Man 2 should look to do the same - it's predecessor didn't set the bar nearly as high, so why not? Tighten the script up a little - make it darker. X-men degenerated from it's original so much that the third installment tried too hard to be funny ("Nobody heals faster than you, Logan" / "You of all people should know how fast the weather can change [Storm]").

The first movie did well in some areas - getting Sam Jackson as Nick Fury, as well as the apparent cameo of Tony Stark in the upcoming Hulk movie (which should not suck because Ed Norton is awesome, but there is no guarantee with any actor's involvement) - so it would be a shame for its sequels to follow the path of Spider-man's - yeah, that was me thumbing my nose at the third movie. Tough shit if you don't agree.

I guess there has to be a payoff at the end of this rant:

Spammed Alot

2008-05-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

I have been getting a pretty steady stream of SPAM Emails for almost a year now, and while it is slightly annoying, I do enjoy some of the subject lines and thought I would share:

From: Denez
Subject: Fly her to orgasmic wonderland

From: hoerig
Subject: She invited me for a quickie

From: Beau Hopper
Subject: 750 $ bonus especially for you

From: Sida
Subject: Greatest shagging tips of 2008

From: Bencks
Subject: Be as attractive as 007

From: Mehgan
Subject: Click me and you will be sex hero in 5 min.

From: Atsushi Tomczyk
Subject: All your problems solved instantly

From: Marina McGill
Subject: You should be satisfied with Your penis

Rant Alert: Thursday is the Best Night of TV. Ever.

2008-05-01T20:15:00.001-07:00

Yes, this is mainly because it's 11 p.m. and I rather not study for my history final, but I've got to put it out there: if you don't watch TV on Thursday evenings, you're missing out.

"But ohhh Mark, you can't live if you're sittin' in front of the boob tube all night maannnnn!" Well guess what, random hippie doubter I just spontaneously created for pacing purposes, I AM living. And laughing, and loving. Because three of the best shows I've ever seen are somehow back to back to back from 9:00 to 11:00. That kind of thing doesn't happen naturally - God wants you to watch television with me.

First off, 30 Rock is the closest thing you'll get to Arrested Development these days. The writing surpasses anything Tina Fey did on SNL, and it utilizes the epitome of an ensemble cast. People keep saying that the AD/30 Rock comparisons are a bit of a stretch, but watch a bit of both and you'll see what I mean. If you have a brain, you'll find it funny.

Then, if you're reading this and have never chosen to watch The Office, you're pretty much a lost cause. They've even put more into the love storylines just to draw fence sitters like you in. And even when they compromised some of the awkward gold for "aww" moments, it's still great television. Steve Carrell does so much of the same thing, yet it continues to make me laugh.

Neither of these great comedies use the traditional sitcom multiple camera sets or laugh tracks - coincidence? No, just good rules to have to make a show worth watching.

And then LOST. LOST is the hardest argument to make, considering you have to treat catching up with the series like a part time job - it will take you eight hours a week for a three month period if you're starting from scratch - but if you've got the time, it's so worth it. LOST is easily my favorite non-comedy of all time, blowing Heroes and 24 out of the water effortlessly. It's use of flashbacks and flashforwards keeps you interested for the entire episode. Even the bad episodes are good.

I thought I had a point to this, but I guess I don't. Other than you should stop scratching your balls / vagina and watch some great TV on Thursdays.

Movies You May Have Not Heard of Yet: Hamlet 2

2008-05-01T07:17:00.001-07:00

I was perusing Filmdrunk today and a movie that I had previously forgotten about was brought up because the poster was recently revealed.

Hamlet 2 stars Tropic Thunder (another movie that looks awesome) star / Alleged Owen Wilson drug enabler Steve Coogan as a drama teacher who writes an irreverent play with the characters of Shakespeare's Hamlet, a time machine, and Jesus. If that wasn't enough, it's from one of the co-writers of South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut and Team America: World Police.

I just love it for it's premise. That, and any movie that has Amy Poehler saying "The so-called 'Supreme Court' can suck my balls" is an instant hit with me. The trailer is below.

Peyton....is that you?

2008-04-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

Half the stuff I put on here is stolen from other blogs - but the reason for that is I'd rather have everyone that I want to see this come to one place rather than individually spam each one of you.

This Youtubage is courtesy of Matt Ufford's With Leather, a sports blog that is more straightforward than his spoofery at Kissing Suzy Kolber.

But here it is, Peyton Manning, top-flight quarterback and corporate shill, in the heat of the moment.

I don't really blame the guy, I've said far worse with the stakes simply being a shot at bragging rights. It's just good to know that more than Phillip "Marmalard" Rivers isn't the only obnoxious one on the sidelines. Also, Jim Sorgi trying to pretend like he can help. Oh, Jim.

Probably a Bad Idea, But Too Awesome Not to Think About

2008-04-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

Parker and Mendenhall in the same backfield?

Basically, Bruce Arians (who I'm NOT a fan of) is considering putting BOTH Fast Willie Parker and Rumblin' Rashard Mendenhall in the backfield at the same time for plays. He tried this sort of thing when he coached in Cleveland and it failed, but he didn't have one of the best new running back combos in the league there.

New Weezer Album!

2008-04-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure whether I should temper my expectations or just be balls-out excited. The newly revealed Weezer album, coming out June 24th, is now up for preorder. My natural inclination is to jump for joy, but the more I learn about the album, the more of a skeptic I become.

Don't get me wrong - I'll take any Weezer I can get. When you rule out classic rock, I listen to no other band more than the Weez. The Killers are up there too, but I think I killed their last album after listening to it too frequently (not unlike what I've habitutally done to every produced by Timbaland right after it come out).

At first glance, it seems like they're getting back to their roots - another self titled album, Rivers' bizarre self-deprication in dressing up like a cowboy - but it's kind of a 'fool me twice, shame on me' thing with those of us who long for the Pinkerton days.

Make Believe, their last album, is not as bad as many make it out to be - yeah, a lot of the songs were borderline forgettable, and Beverly Hills is the lowest music-quality single they've released. The first single from what fans are already calling 'The Red Album' is Pork and Beans, a tune that kind of reminds me of Beverly Hills in that it's catchy and the lyrics are pretty transparent, but it still has that signature Weezer quirk. You can take a listen for yourself. I just think that Rivers' ballad against record execs begging for more pop-y radio-tailored songs is exactly what they're looking for.

The core of this inner debate is to dread or be excited about the new direction that the band is taking - in a Pitchfork interview with Rivers, he revealed that fans should expect "Longer songs, non-traditional song forms, different people writing and singing, instrument switching, TR-808s, synths, Southern rap, and baroque counterpoint-- for starters." Cuomo also 'fessed up that he would be the one rapping - something that I'm trying to imagine, but can't seem to wrap my mind around. On one hand, they seem to get the picture that loyal fans haven't been happy with the turn the band took with Make Believe (though 'Perfect Situation' and 'This is Such a Pity' are solid tracks), but instead of going back to basics that won our hearts with hits like 'Say it Ain't So' and 'El Scorcho', Weezer is getting experimental on us.

Of course, much of this is a moot argument - I'm no music snob. The aforementioned Pitchfork Media gave Make Believe an 0.4 out of 10, and I still bought it the first day it came out. No matter which way they go with their music (within reason), I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Weezer.

Sexman Lives!

2008-04-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

I read a blog called Filmdrunk because I not only like to hear about movies in development and Uwe Boll rumors, but have the information delivered to me in a humorous fashion at the same time. One of the highlights of this website is it's "official movie reviewer", a preteen dynamo simply known as "Sexman". Sexman holds nothing back - none of this timid Peter Travers bullshit.

While I traditionally enjoy Sexman's work reviewing movies (and occasionally his own pieces of cinematic achievements), he now forays into the political arena - and takes no prisoners. Here's his frank take on Hillary Clinton, factual information not included.

Sadly, this might be an appropriate barometer for a good 30% of the country's knowledge of the issues. Oh well, at least he's an Obama supporter.

Draft Day 1 Thoughts

2008-04-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

When my family lived in Singapore, we once adopted a stray street cat named Wha Zhu. Wha Zhu was an adorable little black cat who had survived on scraps of leftovers from the restaurant that had became his namesake, and didn't adjust to domesticated living well. Whenever we would feed him, he would eat as much as he could (as fast as he could), and would eventually vomit it up. He would repeatedly do this because he had been conditioned to get as much food as he could while he knew it was available.

That's what I'm like with the NFL right now. I'm downright obsessed. I just hope I don't vomit.

Day 1, Team by Team thoughts:

Miami Dolphins: The Dolphins look like a team run by Bill Parcells - nothing too flashy, good appraisal of value. Every winning team has a decent left tackle, and Jake Long is considered better than decent. Phillip Merling, their first second round pick, was projected at 17th overall and was a steal at 32. Chad Henne joins his teammate Jake in south Florida - not a bad pick. Considering that you really need two startable quarterbacks in the league, even if John Beck pans out for the Dolphins, Henne could be a need.

St. Louis Rams: The Rams started out well - taking Chris Long, who I felt was the best pick of the draft when considering talent versus risk - but completely threw me by taking Donnie Avery out of Houston with their second round pick. Avery was the first wide receiver taken overall. Does that make sense to you? Maybe St. Louis knows something we all don't. In the bigger scheme of things, they didn't screw up the number 2 overall pick - Long will be great pairing with Adam Carriker, the Ram's 2007 first round pick.

Atlanta Falcons: I really thought that the Falcons would pass up on Matt Ryan. From a PR perspective, Ryan was the guy, as they needed to change the face of the franchise as quickly as possible (sorry Joey Harrington, it's not your face they want), but quarterback is a risky pick unless you're sure the talent translates to the Pro Level. The Falcons made protecting their future a priority in trading up for USC's Sam Baker, and took Curtis Lofton, an Inside Linebacker from Oklahoma. Penn State homerism makes me frown on any linebacker taken before Dan Connor.

Oakland Raiders: Darren McFadden. Everybody called it. Character issues aside, the guy is the best pure athlete in the draft, playing the position with the least steep learning curve. I can't fault Al Davis for that. The Raiders don't pick again until the fourth round, so I hope the Arkansas back gets a lot of opportunities to score points and compensate.

Kansas City Chiefs: The winner of the first day of the draft. They got the player that was ranked #1 on many team's draft boards (Glenn Dorsey), the top Guard in the draft, who could also play tackle if needed (Brandon Albert), and a top 5 corner (Brandon Flowers). All three of these prospects were considered first round commodities going into the draft. An aging and hapless team suddenly looks like it's got a shot at the playoffs.

New York Jets: The Jets took the player that they should have, making Vernon Gholston Tom Brady's new enemy. New York had a tough time getting in the backfield last year and had a no-brainer selection here. Unfortunately for gang green, the competency ended here, as they traded up into the first round to select TE Dustin Keller from Purdue - not only not the consensus top tight end, but widely considered to be second or third round talent. Color me flabbergasted.

New England Patriots: The rich get richer. The Saints trade spots in the first round with the Pats, and the evil empire picks up more selections. The Patriots, as usual, did a solid job drafting, taking Jerod Mayo (the top inside linebacker of the draft) and Terrence Wheatley, a project to replace Asante Samuel at corner. Nothing that would blow anyone away, but keep in mind that these guys can find talent in any round.

Baltimore Ravens: Traded around on a hyperactive level. At the end of their wheeling and dealing, they ended up only losing a sixth round pick and gaining a second and third, but the more important thing is a commitment made to the offense. Joe Flacco may be the future of the Ravens, handing off to Ray Rice. Could there be a Ravens team where the defense doesn't carry everyone else? Maybe...

Cincinnati Bengals: Keith Rivers is a needed addition and character guy, so you wonder why the Bengal fans weren't happier when his name was called. Jerome Simpson of Costal Carolina was another head-scratcher pick for wide receiver, as many more well known names, such as Limas Sweed and DeSean Jackson were still on the board at the time. The Bengals did OK, but not well.

New Orleans Saints: Traded up to get Sedrick Ellis, and rightly so. The Bengals would have loved to have had the punishing DT, and the Saints need a defense to go with their flashy offense. Tracy Porter from Indiana was a need pick in the second round, as Mike McKenzie and Jason David are embarrassing excuses at corner. The Saints are marching in on the right path.

Buffalo Bills: I thought the Bills had an excellent first day. They waited on wide receiver, taking top corner and kick returner Leodis McKelvin out of Troy, and were in turn rewarded with James Hardy, a monstrous 6'5" physical specimen at receiver. They now have a big man to complement Lee Evans, and someone who could potentially slow down Randy Moss.

Denver Broncos: Adequate Draft, taking need picks and not over-reaching. Ryan Clady was a good value at 12 and will be destroying defensive linemen's knees in no time, and Eddie Royal was another wide receiver surprise whose kick returning skills would be welcome in Colorado.

Carolina Panthers: Balls out approach, snatching two prospects that I thought may fall to the Steelers. Both Jonathan Stewart and Jeff Otah were taken higher than expected, but I considered both to be value picks at their projected destination. Carolina may get back to pounding the football with a massive new tackle and perhaps the best interior runner in this draft. Well done, but at a steep price to trade up into the first round to snag Otah.

Chicago Bears: Who's running the show in the windy city? The selection of Chris Williams isn't bad, as the offensive line in Chicago is getting up in age, but who takes Tulane's Matt Forte when you have a shot at replacing Rex Grossman? The Bear's backfield is garbage and their the only ones who don't seem to know it.

Detroit Lions: Continuing the tradition of crappy personnel decisions, they take Godser Cherilus far too early. Pittsburgh fans were pissed at the thought of him being taken at 23. Maybe Jordon Dizon is a great find at linebacker, but why not take the guy out of Linebacker U?

Arizona Cardinals: 'Zona was going through the bargain bin - in a good way. Both Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Calais Campbell were slightly risky picks (as Rodgers-Cromartie has one kidney and Campbell's 6'8" frame makes him one slow DE), but thats what it takes to revamp a historically bad franchise. I like the looks of their first day.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Aqib Talib was a terrible pick at 20. Mike Jenkins is arguably a better corner and didn't fail drug tests and was still on the board, not to mention that all receivers were still on the board. Dexter Jackson could be a project that pays dividends, but I didn't understand the Tampa mindset today.

Dallas Cowboys: Dallas did a good job of taking appropriate talent while filling needs, but that's significantly easier when you have Cleveland's first round pick. Mike Jenkins shouldn't have lasted till 25, and while I wondered why they took Felix Jones over Rashard Mendenhall, he was their new 'back from day one of the offseason. Martellus Bennett is a hometown hero from A&M, but with Witten in town, is another playmaking TE needed?

Pittsburgh Steelers: I didn't recognize my team anymore. TWO of the top playmaking names fell to the less than glitzy Steelers, and they took them both! Rashard Mendenhall will be a great compliment to Willie Parker, and if Limas Sweed can come back from his wrist injury, the Steelers will score 35 points per game. Offensive Line is still a worry, but as far as best player available goes, the steelers did well.

Tennessee Titans: Worst drafting team for the day. Chris Johnson is an incredibly fast running back, but was not a good pick in the first round when Vince Young has no receivers. To add insult to injury, DE was favored in the second round over WR once again.

Jacksonville Jaguars: They overpaid for Derrick Harvey and overpaid for Quinten Groves. They aren't a team with a lot of holes, so this shouldn't set them back. Not a bad job, but you have to wonder what they were thinking.

Houston Texans: The Texans did the responsible thing, addressing offensive line with Virginia Tech's Duane Brown. Unfortunately, given the run on linemen earlier in the round, it wasn't the best value. This was a need pick.

San Diego Chargers: The Chargers know how to draft, filling one of their few holes in getting a third corner. Antoine Cason was drafted where he was appropriately projected, and will help the Chargers pick off quarterbacks more often than any other defense in the league.

Seattle Seahwaks: Puzzling to see a team take DE Lawrence Jackson when they could have easily had their pick of Wide Recievers or Tight Ends - two areas of need. John Carlson from Notre Dame was taken in the second round, but the Seahawks could have probably traded down and netted the same two players with a late 2nd round reciever.

San Francisco 49ers: The kind of draft you'd expect for a rebuilding team. They injected their O-line with another shot of youth in Chilo Rachal after drafting Joe Staley last year, but not before taking Kentwan Balmer, a slightly risky candidate, at DT. Winning less than six games makes you want to roll the dice a little now and then.

New York Giants: The Giants dedicated the first day's picks to their secondary, a conceived point of weakness during their super bowl run. Kenny Phillips is a start-right-away player and was a good call, and Terrell Thomas has the chance to grow into a starting cornerback. Good haul.

Green Bay Packers: Really solid draft for a team who didn't use a first round pick. Jordy Nelson is a beast at reciever and Brian Brohm should light a fire under Aaron Rodgers if Brett Farve's legacy isn't doing that already.

Philadelphia Eagles: Another year, another D-lineman taken. Trevor Laws was an OK pick, only because DeSean Jackson was available two picks later. Finally, a playmaker at receiver - not to mention his return skills. Also, Philly traded their first rounder to Carolina, so 2009 should be a bonanza for the Eagles.

And yes, I did have fun watching today's draft. It's like Christmas in April.

A Respite From The Endless NFL Posts

2008-04-26T18:25:00.001-07:00

This is one of the greatest Saturday Night Live sketches during the Will Ferrell era.

It's not up to discussion.

Gratuitous Self-Promotion!

2008-04-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

I thought about blogging during the draft - not that anyone really cares - but I wanted to see what kind of content I'd churn out. Instead, I decided to participate in Kissing Suzy Kolber's (best sports blog ever) live blog - a Dick Joke-A-Palooza. Though I was not owner of the funniest comments of the day, here are some highlights of my contribution:

After Mortensen compared the DE from Ohio State to Tarzan: