Wednesday, July 30, 2008

God Loves Milo Ventimiglia More Than He Loves You


Hayden Panettiere performed a surprise striptease on her boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia's birthday.

The 'Heroes' actress - who plays self-healing cheerleader Claire Bennett in the hit TV show - donned a special raunchy cheerleader outfit and treated her co-star, who turned 31, by gyrating in front of him, before whipping off the costume to reveal sexy red lingerie.

A source said: "Hayden gave Milo an unforgettable birthday surprise by morphing from her bouncy cheerleader character in 'Heroes' to a bump-and-grind striptease.

"She asked the wardrobe girls to make her a Velcro lined version of the outfit she wears on the show. As she sang 'Happy Birthday' to Milo in front of cast and crew during lunch she ripped off the costume to show off her sexy red lingerie. Milo's face went bright red."

Hayden finished her routine by kissing and hugging Milo as onlookers gave her a standing ovation.

Annnnnddddddd suddenly all the encouragement to study hard and do well in school doesn't seem better than being an actor.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

I am bludgeoning the song in this trailer to death. I think Pineapple Express is going to be the best comedy of the summer, and it has a great trailer to boot. Plus the song - Paper Planes by MIA - is on Ruckus.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

This Is Why I Drafted Chris Cooley

I participated in an Auction-style fantasy football draft last night and purposefully held out to bid on Chris Cooley. Why? The dude's a cool guy.

On getting a Fred Davis rookie football card:
"I'm going to have him sign it and put it on eBay."

Friday, July 25, 2008

Way To Go, Fuckhead

Police: Student facing charges after drunken night in Latsch Football Building.

Let me first say that the following is not based on the fact that I choose not to partake in alcoholic drinking - it's more that people in the "real world" hear that I'm from Penn State and suddenly assume they're talking to Bluto Blutarsky.A few weeks ago, I was talking to a co-worker about possibly getting hours at a store location in State College, so I could continue to work during the school year. I said it would be nice to have a short shift every week. His response was, "Yeah man, beer money. I know how you Penn Staters love your beer." The only thing I could think to say was a deadpan "yeah, we do."

I could be wrong here, but as someone who has never had to worry about choking on his vomit, that sucks.

Penn State is not a school exclusively devoded to pissing oneself/destroying property/catching pubic crabs every Thursday-Saturday night. Yes, a good deal of the undergrads have a story that they may not be proud of, but Jesus, PSU is technically a Public Ivy. Unfortunately this is lost on most people, thanks to stories like this.
"While inside, Costenbader allegedly damaged a window in the training office by throwing weights at it, flipped two tables and two trampolines in the training room and broke a window in the south lobby."
Can you even blame that on being drunk? That just sounds like this guy is an asshole.

So thanks, shit-for-brains. Despite the fact I am getting a fairly respectable degree, it will be depreciated by the fact that most people assume that all 40,000 of us have had an episode worthy of Gary Busey.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Last of the WJBR Photoshops?!

I know I haven't been posting regularly (or anything interesting for that matter), but hey, let's keep the crapfest going with more mediocre photoshops - because if I don't post them here, they vanish into the internet vacuum.I only have a few weeks left in my internship, so soon these posts may be a thing of the past.

Is This Awesome, Or Is It Just Me?

I was checking for easy Tabs (because I don't play guitar nearly enough anymore) on, and was surprised to find this. It turns out it's simple as hell and could be one of those "hey hey guys look what I can play! Waka Waka Waka!" songs. Maybe everyone else has been aware of this for years, but I had no idea this audio is out there, let alone on Seeqpod. Enjoy.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Marshawn Lynch Makes Shaun Phillips Look Like Stephen Hawking

I recently devoted a post to ripping Shaun Phillips' grammar, spelling, and overall understanding of everything because I found his blog on Yardbarker and couldn't help but comment. I guess I should have looked harder on the site, because Marshawn Lynch makes the San Diego Linebacker look like a genius.

Thanks to the handy sidebar on the sports blog community's website, I happened to see that the quite talented, yet somewhat troubled, Buffalo running back had recently updated his account. To give you the best recreation of my reaction, i'll sample from some of Marshawn's best entries:
"well its bout dat time... time to put on da hard hat and put n sum dirty work... off season was koo i had a kids camp on july 12 in Oakland had a solid turn out bout 600 kids... Lamar Woodly LB from pitt and his cuzin Sam came out to help... had prizes 4 all da kids and sum good life learned lessons dat we talk to da kids bout... just runnin n da yard sayin whats up.....hold ya chin up.....nuh nuh nuh ....gone"
"whats good yardbarkers what it do its ya local neighborhood running back outta buffalo playin for da bills...if u looked at da headline reading DAMN its cause ive been out 4 da past two weeks and its been hurting me not to b out der wit ma teammates even if we losing....i just cant wait til i can get back out der wit ma bra bras (teammates).....but dis just ma lil intro until i can get back to yall wit a lil mo....stay solid til next time"
Suddenly, the idea of Lynch being stupid enough to not be aware when he hits "a dancing woman in the street" with his car is completely believable. Let's just hope his "bra bras" are "der" for him when Commissioner Goddell hands down his sentence.

Nuh nuh nuh...gone.

Why So Serious?

Despite the temptation to write about my thoughts on The Dark Knight, given the gushing reviews (nearly) everyone has given the movie - I'll keep to lesser-tread territory. I will say that I went to go see the midnight opening, and even after getting home at 3 AM and having work at 8 the next morning, I had no regrets - so if you haven't seen this movie and you have any interest, I suggest you take the plunge already.

I can't say much about Heath Ledger's performance that hasn't already been said - I think Brendon of What Would Tyler Durden Do? put it very well:
Everything Ledger did in this movie was fucking awesome. "And here we go" is not an amazing line. Picture that on the page. It's just four little words. Ledger made it awesome. This sucks. I can’t believe he’s dead. Most actors fucking suck. There’s only like 7 good ones. Now there are 6. Now pretty idiots like Channing Tatum will ruin more of my movies, reading lines like his script had the dialog written upside down and backwards. Channing, if you're reading this, and later today you feel a pop inside your head, it's because I just threw a rock at the back of your skull. Hey, look, over here, it's me, Brendon, from that website, You Suck.
I will say that I don't think they should recast the Joker. The fact that Rachael whiny-ass Dawes was recast bugged me - the most captivating movie villain in recent memory looking, sounding, or acting slightly differently would just kill any chance of it being as good as this installment. As far as I'm concerned, If Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan come back for a third movie (they are surprisingly uncommitted at this time), Batman should be pitted against other villains.

Now - to the point of this post. I think up to Ledger's performance, audiences have taken this reboot of the series for granted. Nolan's revisioning of Batman has built a solid foundation for the now uber-popular superhero genre in darker territory - allowing for villains to have more weight.

In this day and age where so much of these movies substitute impressive stunts with CGI (though, admittedly, I still like these movies), pander to cheap puns ("Not everyone heals as fast as you, Logan), and break the fourth wall ("I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch"), the Batman series stands apart as legitimately suspenseful.

Now, we all remember the God-awful Joel Schumacher movies. After the box office failure that was Batman and Robin, future Bat-movies were put on hold. However, after seeing The Dark Knight this weekend and being desperate for more, I learned a lot about the prospective follow ups to reboot the series on Wikipedia - Batman Begins came only after several other attempts. So, if you enjoyed Nolan's masterpiece, be thankful that none of these movies came to fruition -

All movies have been drawn from the "Unsuccessful Projects" sub-article on Wikipedia.

Batman Triumphant

Warner Bros. hired Mark Protosevich to write a script for the fifth Batman film, titled Batman Triumphant, [8] even before the theatrical release of Batman & Robin. Joel Schumacher, George Clooney, and Chris O’Donnell were still contracted for another film. [9] The Scarecrow was to be the main villain and through the use of his fear gas, Scarecrow would cause Batman to confront his worst fear: the return of The Joker. Harley Quinn was in the script and shown as the daughter of Jack Napier. [8]

As of yet, the script hasn’t been leaked online and it is unknown whether or not Jack Nicholson would reprise his role as the Joker. Due to poor results from Batman & Robin, Triumphant was canceled and Warner Bros. commissioned more scripts. [10]

While this doesn't sound like a bad plot (Harley Quinn isn't a bad character if interpret the right way and Scarecrow has and always will be one of my favorite lesser-known comic villains), tone and casting are the concerns with this project. Chris O'Donnell and George Clooney have been the butt of Bat-jokes for years, and that wouldn't have changed with Joel Schumacher at the helm once again. Batman Triumphant would have been junk-food cinema at best - and Batman and Robin 2 at worst.

Another issue I have here is Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Now, it may be because most of us are caught up in Ledger-mania, but I was flipping channels and happened to catch Tim Burton's Batman on abc family. Nicholson wasn't even remotely intimidating or creepy. I realize that half of this was the take on the series, but really - I couldn't watch his performance without being bored to death.

Batman: DarKnight

In 1998, Lee Shapiro and Stephen Wise pitched the idea for a fifth Batman movie to Warner Bros. Vice President Tom Lassally. It was to be called Batman: DarKnight (not to be confused with The Dark Knight) and included the Scarecrow and Man-Bat as the new villains, with the studio being most impressed with the characterization of Man-Bat. [11] Fear was to be the initial theme (much like the main one for Batman Begins) and according to Shapiro, with Scarecrow being true to the source material. Within three months, Lee Shapiro and Stephen Wise sent their first draft to Warner Bros. Joel Schumacher was still signed to direct but dropped out only weeks after the first draft was completed. [11] The story went as:

Bruce Wayne is in self-imposed seclusion from life, because he feels he has lost his greatest weapons in the fight against crime: his mystique and his enemies' fear. Dick Grayson attends Gotham University, trying to discover who he is apart from his guardian and unwilling to return as Robin without him. Meanwhile, Dr. Jonathan Crane uses his position as professor of psychology at Gotham University and as resident psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum to conduct his experiments in fear. During a vengeful confrontation with a colleague, Dr. Kirk Langstrom, Crane unknowingly initiates Kirk's transformation into the creature known as Man-Bat. The unsuspecting denizens of Gotham scream for Batman's head, believing the Man-Bat's nightly hunts to be the Dark Knight's bloodthirsty return to action. Bruce dons cape and cowl once more to clear his name and solve the mystery behind these attacks. Eventually, Dick ends up in Arkham Asylum under Crane's unsympathetic watch, and Kirk struggles with his "man vs. monster" syndrome as he longs to both reunite with his wife and get revenge on Crane. [11]

The script for Batman: DarKnight sat at Warner Bros. and languished in development hell up until late 2000. Shapiro stated that DarKnight was in the running the longest as the next Batman movie compared to the other Batman projects in development. [11]

It may sound somewhat similar to what eventually became Batman Begins, but Man-Bat seems like a mistake for any Batman movie. He is part man, part bat. Seriously. I found it interesting that Scarecrow has consistently been the first choice for lead villain in each of these movies.

Batman Beyond

In October 1999, the website Ain't It Cool News reported that Warner Bros. was seriously considering a live action Batman Beyond movie, based on the animated series. In January 2000, Ain't It Cool News reported that Paul Dini and Alan Burnett would be writing the script, both of whom are well known for their work on The DC Animated Universe. In August 2000, it was confirmed that Dini, Burnett, Neal Stephenson, and Boaz Yakin were to all write the script, with Yakin to direct. A script was written and turned into Warner Bros., though the project was canceled in favor of the Batman: Year One project. [12]

For those of you not familiar, Batman Beyond was the cartoon that had Boy Meets World's Will Freidle voicing Batman. In the future. 'Nuff Said.

Batman vs. Superman

In August 2001,[13] Andrew Kevin Walker pitched Warner Bros. an idea titled Batman vs Superman, attaching Peterson as director. Abrams' script was put on hold,[14] and for reasons unknown, Akiva Goldsman was hired to rewrite Walker's draft which was codenamed "Asylum".[15]

Goldsman's draft (dated June 21, 2002), had the premise of Bruce Wayne trying to shake all of the demons in his life after his five year retirement of crime fighting. Meanwhile, Clark Kent is down on his luck and in despair. Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth and Commissioner Gordon are all dead, as Clark just recently had a divorce with Lois Lane. Clark serves as Bruce's best man at his wedding to the beautiful and lovely Elizabeth Miller. After Elizabeth is killed by the Joker at the honeymoon, Bruce is forced to don the Batsuit once more, tangling a plot which involves Lex Luthor, while Clark sways a romance with Lana Lang in Smallville.[16]

Filming was to start in early 2003, with plans for a five to six month shoot. The release date was set for the summer of 2004.[17] Batman vs Superman was to relaunch both the Batman and Superman franchises respectively, with both sequels being reboots.[14] Within a month of the studio green lighting the project, Petersen left in favor of Troy (2004).[18] Warner Bros. could have easily assigned a new director, but chose to cancel Batman vs Superman in favor of a recent script submitted by Abrams for Superman: Flyby.[19]

This is where the prospective movies officially started to take a darker turn. While the 'coming out of retirement' may have been a good angle for Batman, I am skeptical of both he and Superman being in the same movie - we all saw what happened when too many characters were stuffed into Spiderman 3.

Eventually, an adaptation of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One was put into place. It was originally deemed 'too violent,' but not all was lost - this incarnation would eventually be re-arranged into Batman Begins.

I think it's safe to say it was worth the wait.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Rock Band 2 Track List

IGN just released the track list of the highly anticipated Rock Band 2, simultaneously filling me with joy and regret. Yes, I love Rock Band, but I have dumped close to $200 on the game, hardware (yes, I somehow can sleep soundly at night with a plastic drum set in my basement), and downloadable tracks. This is more or less a conformation that I will spend even more money pretending to be a rock star in front of a TV screen.

But alas, it doesn't cost me anything to check out what Harmonix will seduce me with in September. This is why I love the Electronics Entertainment Expo - it's a truckload of information dumped on gamers all within a short period of time.

The full list is included in the link above, organized alphabetically, but I thought I would highlight the more interesting points of the reveal.

The first thing that jumps out to me is the inclusion of a GUNS AND ROSES CHINESE DEMOCRACY TRACK. Seriously. It's probably shit, but given the legendary status of Axl Rose's perpetually-delayed mystery album, it was huge for MTV Games and Harmonix to include "Shackler's Revenge." I have to admit that as a fan of the GnR glory days, I am a little bit curious.

In addition to this, there are some great songs included - Beck's E-Pro, Bon Jovi's Livin' on A Prayer (hell, Penn Staters get enough practice on the vocals at home games), The Foo Fighter's Everlong, Journey's Any Way You Want It, Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son, The Red Hot Chili Pepper's Give It Away, Tenacious D's Master Exploder, and The Who's Pinball Wizard will all but ensure I pay up once again. Given the promise that "All downloadable content will work with Rock Band 2 and gamers can export tracks from Rock Band 1 to Rock Band 2," I'm already feeling better about my impending investment.

Another facet of the unveiling of the track list is a confirmation that the Bonus Tracks, once again, accomplish the physical impossibility that is sucking and blowing simultaneously:
76. AbnormalityVisions2000s
77. Anarchy ClubGet Clean2000s
78. Bang CamaroNight Lies2000s
79. Breaking WheelShoulder to the Plow2000s
80. The LibyansNeighborhood2000s
81. The Main DragA Jagged Gorgeous Winter2000s
82. SpeckConventional Lover2000s
83. The SternsSupreme Girl2000s
84. That Handsome DevilRob the Prez-O-Dent2000s
Does anyone enjoy these tracks? I only recognize one band on this list - Bang Camaro - and that's simply because I remember their crappy song on the first Rock Band.

Harmonix also keeps things traditional including bizarre choices on the track list. Yes, we understand that you're going for a wide gaming audience, but are the following necessary?
- Alanis Morrisette - You Oughta Know
- The Donnas - New Kid In School
- The Go-Go's - We Got The Beat
- The Muffs - Kids In America

The important thing is that Rock Band 2 seems poised to deliver more of what drew so many of us otherwise rationally-thinking adults to buy overpriced plastic instruments; a solid selection of songs, enough material to warrant considerable replayablitiy, and graphics that show how much Guitar Hero slacks off in the department. More on Rock Band 2 in the inevitable complete reveal of the new peripherals.
Rock Band 2 (game only) at IGN

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I'm The Only Intern That Can Photoshop

Not great for a half-page ad, but I was under time restrictions.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

What to do, Brett Farve?

I had to laugh at Kissing Suzy Kolber's take on the latest chapter in the Brett Favre retirement/un-retirement saga. The idea of anyone receiving a text saying "4′S BOYESH INTHUZIAZM FTW" is funny to me. And really, it got me thinking - maybe this situation isn't bad after all.

Initially, when rumors started swirling that Favre would come back even after his tearful retirement speech, I just wanted him to go away. It's not that I don't like Brett Favre - I think he is one of the great quarterbacks of the NFL (though stats may provide fodder for those who differ in opinion), and it was awesome that he had that small part in There's Something About Mary - I just hate nearly every journalist's undying fellation of him. We get it - in Wisconsin, he's an industry. He brings people in a very boring and fat state hope. He's a likable guy. Stop saying he is the child in all of us and there should be a church erected for worship of him (not exact quotes). After tribute after tribute, speculation if Aaron Rodgers would ever live up to Favre's legend (which is ongoing and will be until Rodgers is in the Hall of Fame or out of the NFL), and the presentation of the cover of Madden 09, everyone had accepted that #4 was out of the league.Then the issue with Favre's locker still being intact was brought up. I dismissed it as a non-story; in fact, it mostly was - the Packers eventually took out Brett's locker and gave it to him. Even though I hate that sort of speculative-even-if-it-is-true-I-don't-give-a-shit coverage, I figured it was just a by-product of the slow off season - hey, T.O. hasn't pulled anything besides missing a drug test this year.

But THEN came the story regarding Favre's supposed request to un-retire and return to the team. At first this pissed me off. The guy has made Green Bay wait every offseason for the past 3 years - holding their breath to see if their hero will come back. When he finally breaks it, and the Packers get to give Aaron Rodgers "his team," the fucker decides he changed his mind. Seriously? Did the thought of doing Sensodyne Toothpaste endorsements as your most exciting activity of the year propel you to pick up the ol' pigskin again?

I can understand why the Packers would - as they are rumored to - deny Favre the starting job after this back-and-forth will-he won't-he crap. From a simple employment standpoint - how would you feel if you were promoted, only to get demoted when the guy who held your previous position changed his mind? On top of all of this, Football has a lot more psychological subtleties than most people think - it helps the entire offense to know, without doubt, who the signal caller will be for the season. A clearly defined starter will not only get the practice reps he needs, but confidence in him will be all the more valuable.

However, this text shows that Favre really knows he has made a mistake. He wants to play next season - maybe two or more. And it looks like Green Bay won't let him do that - which leaves them two options - cut him, or trade him.

I became less annoyed by the situation and more intrigued when I read the Miami Herald's take:
Brett Favre seems like he wants to parachute back into the NFL. They ought to be drawing a big ''X'' in the middle of the Dolphins' huddle and coaxing him to a soft landing right here in Miami. Favre by most indications is a quarterback who needs to play again. Seems he has had a change of heart and wishes to recant his March 4 retirement, but Green Bay appears to have yanked away the welcome mat, like Lucy used to yank away the football just as Charlie Brown was about to kick it. But Miami is a team that needs a QB it can trust and rely on in 2008. Favre last missed a game in 1992. Seriously. Tomorrow's sunrise cannot be trusted and relied on like this dude.
Besides the cliched Peanuts analogy, I wholeheartedly agree. Miami is undergoing a pathetic three-quarterback race between the mediocre journeyman they intend to start (Josh McCown), the unproven commodity that led the team at the end of last year's sad season (John Beck), and their quarterback of the future (Chad Henne). Brett Favre would give them a top-10 quarterback for week 1. It wouldn't matter if he retired after the '09 season - it would still put them in a better place then they are now.

The point was also made that in the Packer's division, the NFC North, there is a dearth of quality quarterbacks. Could you imagine the Chicago Bears, or Detroit Lions going against the Pack with Favre at the helm? If I were a Green Bay fan, I think I'd have an identity crisis! Better yet - the Minnesota Vikings! Not only has Favre historically terrorized this franchise, but many speculate that with a quality quarterback, Minnesota could very well be the team to beat - their defense is no doubt top 10 with the acquisitions of S Madieu Williams and DE Jared Allen, and Adrian Peterson is the leagues best young running back. I've got to say - given my indifference to that division, I'd love to see how #4 in purple would play out.

So I guess my point is that there may be a reward for fans of the NFL having to hear the speculative drivel of if and where will Brett Favre play this season. If not, it just reminds some of us how much we can't wait for the season to start.

Friday, July 4, 2008

"Welcome Ta Earf!"

Happy Independence Day everybody.

(Lost on the reference? Click Here.)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Somebody Get Shaun Phillips a Spell Checker

Sometimes it's easy to forget in all the glory of professional football that many of these athletically talented men are less than moderately intelligent. In some cases, they don't express themselves well. This is why I love Kissing Suzy Kolber, which routinely verbally eviscerates NFL players while still remaining loyal fans, and Yardbarker, which brings the fans on the same level as the players. Yardbarker features several blogs written by professional athletes, and some are better than others. Keith Rivers of the Cincinnati Bengals, for example, often writes thoughtful and extensive entires with proper grammar and syntax. Then there's Shaun Phillips of the Chargers, whose hobbies include "Learning about the world", weighing in on the controversy surrounding the rapid inflation of rookie contracts:
I think they gotta stop somewhere with this. I love that everyone is making money but its starting to get rediculous how much money unproven players are getting before they take a snap. There are future hall of famers that are not making as much in there entire carrier as these kids are making in one check. I think the nfl should take some notes from the nba on caping rookies. If you think about it most rookies don't really come into there own until 4th our 5th yr anyway. So just imagen how much there second contract will b if they where 2 play there whole 50mil contract out it makes u wanna laugh huh. My final note is more power to them cause I want everyone to get all the money in the world cause imma get mine.

Where do I start? While I do agree with Shaun that it is 'rediculous' how young phenoms are "making more in one check" than hall of fame-bound veterans earn in their entire "carrier" and I do think that "caping" rookies a la the NBA is the solution, it's hard for me to "imagen" how we can take his opinion seriously when he doesn't even bother to spell out "be, to, and you." What did you save with those abbreviations, Shaun? Four letters? Factor in your decision to include proper punctuation and you're almost up to double digits in characters you didn't have to type!

Also, I think I saw his final note of "more power to them cause I want everyone to get all the money in the world cause imma get mine" on a bumper sticker. It was a long sticker.

But hey, I guess the joke is on me because a guy who types at a first grade level is making millions of dollars a year while no doubt sleeping with countless beautiful women - while I sit in my underwear eating a klondike bar amidst snarky blogposts.