Onward State - Week 2

Since almost all of my writing time is going toward Onward State, I thought I'd post what I write there on a weekly basis. I can't just let this blog go to waste while I contribute to a much more professional/thriving/focused site.

Here's the much delayed week 2 update...appropriate considering I had planned to write 2-4 more posts than what's listed below, but they became irrelevant because I put them off for so long.

Week 2 Spans from December 11 - December 18:

December 11:

Shipley Named Nation's Best Center - Worst lead yet. Oh well.

December 15:

Ticket Sale Prompts Police Intervention - Originally started with a football angle, but then turned into a tongue-in-cheek "Penn Staters against The Man" post.

December 17:

Nittany Lions Nab Newsome - Great story to post about. It's a shame the Collegian didn't go more in depth about it.

While it's not quite the post-a-palooza the first week was, it's still fairly regular. I can tell you that during this current week, there will be at least one per day.

Kanye Must Be Extra-Embarrassing at Karaoke Parties

I have been a Kanye West Fan/Apologist for roughly a year and a half - simply because I think the guy is a beat magician. I was ready to give him credit for expanding his musical horizons in his latest album, 808s and Heartbreaks, but WWTDD really pointed out how much ProTools work was apparently used while recording his album:

That's West on Saturday Night Live last weekend. Auto-tune really works wonders, doesn't it?

Onward State - Week 1

Since almost all of my writing time is going toward Onward State, I thought I'd post what I write there on a weekly basis. I can't just let this blog go to waste while I contribute to a much more professional/thriving/focused site.

Week 1 Spans from December 3 - December 10:

December 3:

Harris Poll Flub Increases BCS Skepticism - My first post. Bonus - Jamie's over the top praise of the post in public fashion.

December 4:

Sheep Won't Be Headed To Pasadena - My first "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I'm the first one to cover this" post. Yes, it seems silly to think about now - but keep in mind, I'm still feeling out the protocol for posting on the blog at this point.

College Dictionary: Sorostitute - Click on this one if you're looking for the funny. Well, more "semi-whimsical while avoiding swearing and offending people funny." College Dictionary may or may not be a reoccurring fixture.

December 5:

Rose Bowl Ticket Sale Details - Any opportunity I get to talk about Maybin, I'm takin' it.

December 9:

Bill Cosby's Coming To Happy Valley, You See - SOOOOO tempting to litter this post with House of Cosby references and videos, but I'm still chasing that unicorn known as professionalism. I almost ran down and tackled the majestic beast, but ended up including this video in the post. Nobody's perfect.

December 10th:

Joe Paterno: 2008 Coach of The Year Finalist - Felt I had to cover it after doing so many other football posts. It's probably just an attempt to feel like a real sportswriter - look at me, I'm Jason Whitlock! Too many black players are bojangling! Jeff George should be starting for the Vikings!

Devlin To Transfer - I couldn't believe my luck of checking the Daily Collegian within an hour of the story breaking - not only is it a "look, Mark broke another story on Onward State!", but a super interesting one (in my opinion) at that. Oddly enough, Managing Editor Eli Glazier wrote up a post and posted it just before I published mine. He was really cool about it, and we eneded up combining the two.

As you can see, I'm writing a shitload more.

Until next week.

Introducing Onward State

I haven't been posting here as frequently I did over the summer, and I wish I can say it's because I have been writing elsewhere. It wasn't, I have just been lazy. But now I can use the excuse of focusing creatively elsewhere.

My first post for Penn State's New Blog, Onward State, was published earlier this evening. Though it's not the post I was scheduled to write (that should be up sometime tomorrow - it is slated to be more comedic in nature), the idea of someone involved in voting for the teams that play in the national championship was so ludicrous (and Penn State-related), I wrote something quickly. It turned out slightly better than the things I impulsively write on here.

Onward State officially launched after Thanksgiving break, and already is filled with posts and has accrued a small following. The guys that started it up are doing a really professional job without making it dull or predictable. If Penn State goings-on interest you, you enjoy my writing, or just need another website to go to during the day, bookmark it, visit it daily, show it to friends, whatever.

I Am Near-Hypnotized By This

Even though I typically find myself disappointed by the user-submitted content at CollegeHumor these days, I will still visit the site often.

This is exactly why.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Even When Marketing Virally, LOST Is Awesome

Due to the combination of ABC's LOST being the best television drama of all time and there being WAY too much time in between seasons, I am already frothing at the mouth for the new season, which doesn't come until January 21st, 2009.

But that doesn't mean my anticipation can't grow even more - J.J. Abrams and Co. are masters at hyping the already hyped. This time it's in the newest trailer for the fifth season [WARNING: It's chock full of spoilers if you haven't seen the first four seasons], where a mysterious image pops up.

From comingsoon.net:

ABC has launched the new trailer for the fifth season of "Lost," which features music from The Fray's "You Found Me." In the trailer at the 1:34 and 2:25 mark, the studio flashes the logo for a tie-in company called Ajira Airways, which can be visited at AjiraAirways.com. The trailer, which you can view below, consists of footage from last season as well as from the upcoming season. "Lost" premieres on Wednesday, January 21st at 8/7c.

Because I'm such a good guy, I suffered through playing segments of the video OVER and OVER to get a screen capture of the image, having to hear The Fray's shit-tastic new song. It's not that I have anything against the Fray, it's just that I find their music whiny and repetitive. And it sure as hell doesn't help that I associate them with Grey's Anatomy.As you can see, it's not incredibly remarkable, but honestly, it could have been a picture of TubGirl [Ed.: Don't worry, it's not the actual website] and I would have been intrigued.

As you can see below, the website isn't much more than a sign-up for e-mail updates (and a vague message below 'Let Your Journey Begin'), but you can bet that the Ajira Airways marketing campaign won't stop there. It should be quite interesting to see where it goes, and what information gets out before the three-hour premiere.
The message below (not pictured) reads:

The skies have no limit with our new destinations launching January 21st, 2009. Take an adventure anywhere around the globe and reimagine your world as big as ours. Check back often to discover new ways to get lost in the world.
No Borders, Now Boarding - Ajira Airways.

They said "get LOST!" OMG!!!!11111!!!!

BIG TEN CHAMPIONS

See you in Pasadena.

President-Elect Barack Obama

I'm trying desperately to think of a way of distinguishing myself from millions of Americans feeling an indescribable sensation - it's incredibly frustrating but I don't care.

It came out of nowhere when Jon Stewart announced (Why not watch the Daily Show for election news?) at 11:01 that Obama would be our 44th President. I don't hate the feeling.

I would elaborate but I find myself watching the coverage in a stupor - we've arrived at a new frontier, but are suspended for the moment. Yes, he's our President-Elect, but that won't change things immediately.

Still, Obama's achievements are awe-inspiring. Overcoming not only a worthy opponent for the Democratic nomination, but yet another for the office of President of the United States is a herculean task in itself - doing so as a relative unknown who happens to be biracial in a country still rife with prejudice and ignorance is unbelievable.

This is one of the most important elections in American History, and I am incredibly proud to be a part of it.

Say what you will about John McCain - no matter what you thought of his platform or campaign, he went out with class. His concession speech acknowledged that the American people have made their choice and in turn have started a new chapter in history. I have no doubt that he will stay true to his word and work to make compromises between the different political ideologies in our government.

Though I keep finding myself at a loss for words - especially those bearing any originality - I still feel the need to keep writing. Truly, this is a moment that needs to be preserved to the best of my ability.

Tomorrow is a new day, and while Obama might not be in the Oval Office yet, change is coming.

This Kid Must Get Laid All The Time - Oh Wait, He's Six?

My first kid (I've already named him Kiefer) will not go to school. He will be home schooled - not because I support the idea that kids are actually better off, but because he'll spend most of his day training to do this:

Insanity.

/Just Spooged In Pants

Despite how incredibly nerdy it may be, I can't help but find myself ecstatic that the inevitable has been confirmed - a new Halo game.

The now titled Halo 3: Recon was originally supposed to debut at E3, but there was a minor fiasco in which Microsoft requested that the heavily-teased secret unveiling be delayed. It has only made the arrival of the details that much sweeter.

About two weeks ago, a teaser trailer simply called "Keep It Clean" showed up on Bungie.net, and fueled a ton of speculation - was it an entirely new game? If so, why did Halo 3's logo appear at the end? Gamespot had a great analysis, offering a number of interpretations to the trailer:

Though nothing is official yet, the title in question appears to be the "Halo Recon" project that has been rumored for months. A source told GameSpot in July the project will be "a cross between Ghost Recon and Gears of War." Instead of following the Halo franchise's usual protagonist--the SPARTAN super-soldier Master Chief--it will supposedly follow the exploits of a squad of colonial marines in a "less cartoony" and "more bloody, violent, and grim" tale of a battle between UNSC forces and the pan-racial religious empire known as the Covenant.

Well, they hit the nail on the head so far. Although the style of the game hasn't been revealed, it has been confirmed that the title is literally Halo 3: Recon, and it is an entirely new campaign with a new hero.

Personally, I embrace the idea of getting away from the series' iconic character. Players are really just interested in his abilities, rather than his personality, which is basically non-existent. As long as this "new hero" isn't a clone of him and has a decent backstory, we may have a winner. As far as gameplay goes, I'll take anything I can get. All three of the Halo games have brought me thousands upon thousands of hours of joy, and I don't expect any less from this installment. I just wish it was coming out sooner than Fall 2009.

Mystery Team Trailer Now Online

Derrick Comedy has been around for what seems like ages - I'll still go back and watch classic sketches like "Jerry" and "Keyboard Kid" months and months after seeing them on youtube. If you're unfamiliar with Derrick, my recommendation is you watch Bro Rape - the video that got me to watch their progress as a comedy group.

They just released the above trailer for their feature length movie, Mystery Team. It may start out a little slow, but really picks up towards the end. I'll be chuckling at the "Let's treat ourselves" line all day.

Whether you think the movie will be good or not, you've got to give these guys props - they took a year to write, shoot, and edit this movie and are really going for it. Some of them have even already gained marked success - Donald is a writer on 30 Rock and if you watch closely in the trailer, you'll see that newest SNL cast member Bobby Monyihan has a part in the movie.

Why Oregon State Upsetting USC is Bad For Penn State

I'm often told I'm a pessimist. So often that over the years, I've developed an reply that is now nearly automatic - "Well, I guess that mean's I'm never disappointed. I'm either right or pleasantly surprised." Consider this the crux of the following argument.

If you [somehow] haven't heard, The University of Southern California (ranked #1 in every college football poll after trashing perennial BCS Bowl contender Ohio State) was trailing Oregon State 21-0 at the half. Some of us turned off It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to watch the greatest upset of this fall so far, some fielded texts from friends watching the game becuase that show is hillarious, and I assume some minority joined me in serendipitously being in a room with two tvs, having our cake and eating it too. Eventually, USC rallied just enough to piss away the game and give Oregon State Beaver fans their christmas present 3 months early.Now - normally in the BCS system, any contender suffering a loss is a good thing. Statistically, I can't argue with that. But a Foxsports article by Michael Rosenberg really made it clear that this presents a problem for Penn State:

"The No. 1. Trojans were just beaten by Oregon State. That is the same Oregon State team that fell behind 45-7 to Penn State, and that's the same Penn State team that is not supposed to be on the same level as Ohio State, and that is the same Ohio State that got crushed 35-3 by USC, and if you can't understand this sentence, don't worry. I wrote it and I'm as baffled as anybody."

"The quick conclusions are that Ohio State is not nearly as good as we thought, USC is a little shaky and Penn State should be in the top five. But who knows?"

This is bad. Penn State needs to fly under the radar. As a Nittany Lions fan, I know we're good. But as a college football fan, I also know that athletic talent alone doesn't decide a football game. Hype is a killer - and for a team that has lost its star defensive player (Sean Lee), is rife with off the field controversy (uh, half the team), and doesn't have a clear-cut No.1 quarterback (Clark starts, but the chants for Devlin are just an INT away), the last thing they need is the nation expecting them to be a top 5 team.

I know, most seasoned fans will take these statements with a grain of salt - the BCS is destined to be screwed up with these upsets by the end of the year - but people tend to forget how stupid media coverage can be. The very experts themselves become hype-peddlers when they should know that this hiccup doesn't circuitiously make Penn State being a Top-5 team.

Thanks to Oregon State's colossal win over USC, and their one-sided loss in Happy Valley, people will watch the Nittany Lions in prime time on ABC against Illinois this Saturday, expecting Penn State to blow the shit out of Juice Williams and the Fighting Illini. I'm not going to say it won't happen - but I'd rather have people underestimate the team.

Because it feels much better to be on the wrong end of an expected challenge (which I think, despite the disparity in Illinois' #22 ranking and Penn State's #12, this game very much is), than to be the victim of an upset.

This Is Why I Love LOLJocks

Through some channel or another (probably Kissing Suzy Kolber), I discovered LOLJocks.
It's not updated very often - it seems frequency of posts depend on opportunity - but when they get a good picture, you can bet they make the most of it.

SNL Has Regressed

To summarize what Filmdrunk has so astutely stated, SNL blew this past Saturday. I'd go into it further, but really I think I'd just get depressed. The good news is that there was one shining light - a digital short by Andy Samberg. It's so bizarre, but I can't stop watching it.

Seriously, there was maybe one other sketch that was funny.

Website of The Week - Powell To The People

The internet can be a very scary place - something that anyone who has accidentally stumbled on to hentai can tell you - but there are, as you may know, a great deal of websites tucked away in the series of tubes that are worth visiting. I found one today.

Powell To The People is the personal website of Keith Powell, an incredibly funny actor who plays Toofer on 30 Rock, which I regard as the greatest comedy on television right now. The best part of Powell To The People is that you get to enjoy more Powell-centric comedy than the ensemble cast of 30 Rock can show. This is very apparent in the intro:

"I understand that most actor websites have touched-up headshots, carefully selected reviews, and photos of themselves standing next to famous people. Well, I will do no such thing because I really think it distracts people from seeing more of me."

I guess what surprises me most about the website is how funny the guy is in text. Some of us know Powell as a talented comedic actor, but his self deprecation in his bio is quite good.

"He has shown an amazing range for a young actor, jumping effortlessly from comedy to drama to Wendy’s commercial."

"A career in regional theater followed where he portrayed everything from rappers (criminals) to kings (in-breeders) to the cognitively disabled (Irish)."

On top of this, he has some original content in the form of viral videos, (though honestly, I enjoy the written segments of the website best so far), a blog which he seems to update regularly, and a form to contact him. Not bad.

I guess I just appreciate those in comedy who take the time to use the internet to break down some barriers between performers and fans. In the Funny Or Die era of internet comedy, a young talent in Powell has arrived.

I'm Back

The hiatus is over - I've decided to try and at least write one post per day now that the school year has started.

Expect bizarre anecdotes, sports references, and other internet musings.

God Loves Milo Ventimiglia More Than He Loves You

From AskMen.com:

Hayden Panettiere performed a surprise striptease on her boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia's birthday.

The 'Heroes' actress - who plays self-healing cheerleader Claire Bennett in the hit TV show - donned a special raunchy cheerleader outfit and treated her co-star, who turned 31, by gyrating in front of him, before whipping off the costume to reveal sexy red lingerie.

A source said: "Hayden gave Milo an unforgettable birthday surprise by morphing from her bouncy cheerleader character in 'Heroes' to a bump-and-grind striptease.

"She asked the wardrobe girls to make her a Velcro lined version of the outfit she wears on the show. As she sang 'Happy Birthday' to Milo in front of cast and crew during lunch she ripped off the costume to show off her sexy red lingerie. Milo's face went bright red."

Hayden finished her routine by kissing and hugging Milo as onlookers gave her a standing ovation.

Annnnnddddddd suddenly all the encouragement to study hard and do well in school doesn't seem better than being an actor.

I Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

I am bludgeoning the song in this trailer to death. I think Pineapple Express is going to be the best comedy of the summer, and it has a great trailer to boot. Plus the song - Paper Planes by MIA - is on Ruckus.

This Is Why I Drafted Chris Cooley

I participated in an Auction-style fantasy football draft last night and purposefully held out to bid on Chris Cooley. Why? The dude's a cool guy.



On getting a Fred Davis rookie football card:

"I'm going to have him sign it and put it on eBay."

Way To Go, Fuckhead

Police: Student facing charges after drunken night in Latsch Football Building.

Let me first say that the following is not based on the fact that I choose not to partake in alcoholic drinking - it's more that people in the "real world" hear that I'm from Penn State and suddenly assume they're talking to Bluto Blutarsky.A few weeks ago, I was talking to a co-worker about possibly getting hours at a store location in State College, so I could continue to work during the school year. I said it would be nice to have a short shift every week. His response was, "Yeah man, beer money. I know how you Penn Staters love your beer." The only thing I could think to say was a deadpan "yeah, we do."

I could be wrong here, but as someone who has never had to worry about choking on his vomit, that sucks.

Penn State is not a school exclusively devoded to pissing oneself/destroying property/catching pubic crabs every Thursday-Saturday night. Yes, a good deal of the undergrads have a story that they may not be proud of, but Jesus, PSU is technically a Public Ivy. Unfortunately this is lost on most people, thanks to stories like this.

"While inside, Costenbader allegedly damaged a window in the training office by throwing weights at it, flipped two tables and two trampolines in the training room and broke a window in the south lobby."

Can you even blame that on being drunk? That just sounds like this guy is an asshole.

So thanks, shit-for-brains. Despite the fact I am getting a fairly respectable degree, it will be depreciated by the fact that most people assume that all 40,000 of us have had an episode worthy of Gary Busey.

The Last of the WJBR Photoshops?!

I know I haven't been posting regularly (or anything interesting for that matter), but hey, let's keep the crapfest going with more mediocre photoshops - because if I don't post them here, they vanish into the internet vacuum.I only have a few weeks left in my internship, so soon these posts may be a thing of the past.

Is This Awesome, Or Is It Just Me?

I was checking for easy Tabs (because I don't play guitar nearly enough anymore) on UltimateGuitar.com, and was surprised to find this. It turns out it's simple as hell and could be one of those "hey hey guys look what I can play! Waka Waka Waka!" songs. Maybe everyone else has been aware of this for years, but I had no idea this audio is out there, let alone on Seeqpod. Enjoy.

Marshawn Lynch Makes Shaun Phillips Look Like Stephen Hawking

I recently devoted a post to ripping Shaun Phillips' grammar, spelling, and overall understanding of everything because I found his blog on Yardbarker and couldn't help but comment. I guess I should have looked harder on the site, because Marshawn Lynch makes the San Diego Linebacker look like a genius.

Thanks to the handy sidebar on the sports blog community's website, I happened to see that the quite talented, yet somewhat troubled, Buffalo running back had recently updated his account. To give you the best recreation of my reaction, i'll sample from some of Marshawn's best entries:

"well its bout dat time... time to put on da hard hat and put n sum dirty work... off season was koo i had a kids camp on july 12 in Oakland had a solid turn out bout 600 kids... Lamar Woodly LB from pitt and his cuzin Sam came out to help... had prizes 4 all da kids and sum good life learned lessons dat we talk to da kids bout... just runnin n da yard sayin whats up.....hold ya chin up.....nuh nuh nuh ....gone"

"whats good yardbarkers what it do its ya local neighborhood running back outta OAKLAND....in buffalo playin for da bills...if u looked at da headline reading DAMN its cause ive been out 4 da past two weeks and its been hurting me not to b out der wit ma teammates even if we losing....i just cant wait til i can get back out der wit ma bra bras (teammates).....but dis just ma lil intro until i can get back to yall wit a lil mo....stay solid til next time"

Suddenly, the idea of Lynch being stupid enough to not be aware when he hits "a dancing woman in the street" with his car is completely believable. Let's just hope his "bra bras" are "der" for him when Commissioner Goddell hands down his sentence.

Nuh nuh nuh...gone.

Why So Serious?

Despite the temptation to write about my thoughts on The Dark Knight, given the gushing reviews (nearly) everyone has given the movie - I'll keep to lesser-tread territory. I will say that I went to go see the midnight opening, and even after getting home at 3 AM and having work at 8 the next morning, I had no regrets - so if you haven't seen this movie and you have any interest, I suggest you take the plunge already.

I can't say much about Heath Ledger's performance that hasn't already been said - I think Brendon of What Would Tyler Durden Do? put it very well:

Everything Ledger did in this movie was fucking awesome. "And here we go" is not an amazing line. Picture that on the page. It's just four little words. Ledger made it awesome. This sucks. I can’t believe he’s dead. Most actors fucking suck. There’s only like 7 good ones. Now there are 6. Now pretty idiots like Channing Tatum will ruin more of my movies, reading lines like his script had the dialog written upside down and backwards. Channing, if you're reading this, and later today you feel a pop inside your head, it's because I just threw a rock at the back of your skull. Hey, look, over here, it's me, Brendon, from that website, You Suck.

I will say that I don't think they should recast the Joker. The fact that Rachael whiny-ass Dawes was recast bugged me - the most captivating movie villain in recent memory looking, sounding, or acting slightly differently would just kill any chance of it being as good as this installment. As far as I'm concerned, If Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan come back for a third movie (they are surprisingly uncommitted at this time), Batman should be pitted against other villains.

Now - to the point of this post. I think up to Ledger's performance, audiences have taken this reboot of the series for granted. Nolan's revisioning of Batman has built a solid foundation for the now uber-popular superhero genre in darker territory - allowing for villains to have more weight.

In this day and age where so much of these movies substitute impressive stunts with CGI (though, admittedly, I still like these movies), pander to cheap puns ("Not everyone heals as fast as you, Logan), and break the fourth wall ("I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch"), the Batman series stands apart as legitimately suspenseful.

Now, we all remember the God-awful Joel Schumacher movies. After the box office failure that was Batman and Robin, future Bat-movies were put on hold. However, after seeing The Dark Knight this weekend and being desperate for more, I learned a lot about the prospective follow ups to reboot the series on Wikipedia - Batman Begins came only after several other attempts. So, if you enjoyed Nolan's masterpiece, be thankful that none of these movies came to fruition -

All movies have been drawn from the "Unsuccessful Projects" sub-article on Wikipedia.

Batman Triumphant

Warner Bros. hired Mark Protosevich to write a script for the fifth Batman film, titled Batman Triumphant, ^[8] even before the theatrical release of Batman & Robin. Joel Schumacher, George Clooney, and Chris O’Donnell were still contracted for another film. ^[9] The Scarecrow was to be the main villain and through the use of his fear gas, Scarecrow would cause Batman to confront his worst fear: the return of The Joker. Harley Quinn was in the script and shown as the daughter of Jack Napier. ^[8]

As of yet, the script hasn’t been leaked online and it is unknown whether or not Jack Nicholson would reprise his role as the Joker. Due to poor results from Batman & Robin, Triumphant was canceled and Warner Bros. commissioned more scripts. ^[10]

While this doesn't sound like a bad plot (Harley Quinn isn't a bad character if interpret the right way and Scarecrow has and always will be one of my favorite lesser-known comic villains), tone and casting are the concerns with this project. Chris O'Donnell and George Clooney have been the butt of Bat-jokes for years, and that wouldn't have changed with Joel Schumacher at the helm once again. Batman Triumphant would have been junk-food cinema at best - and Batman and Robin 2 at worst.

Another issue I have here is Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Now, it may be because most of us are caught up in Ledger-mania, but I was flipping channels and happened to catch Tim Burton's Batman on abc family. Nicholson wasn't even remotely intimidating or creepy. I realize that half of this was the take on the series, but really - I couldn't watch his performance without being bored to death.

Batman: DarKnight

In 1998, Lee Shapiro and Stephen Wise pitched the idea for a fifth Batman movie to Warner Bros. Vice President Tom Lassally. It was to be called Batman: DarKnight (not to be confused with The Dark Knight) and included the Scarecrow and Man-Bat as the new villains, with the studio being most impressed with the characterization of Man-Bat. ^[11] Fear was to be the initial theme (much like the main one for Batman Begins) and according to Shapiro, with Scarecrow being true to the source material. Within three months, Lee Shapiro and Stephen Wise sent their first draft to Warner Bros. Joel Schumacher was still signed to direct but dropped out only weeks after the first draft was completed. ^[11] The story went as:

Bruce Wayne is in self-imposed seclusion from life, because he feels he has lost his greatest weapons in the fight against crime: his mystique and his enemies' fear. Dick Grayson attends Gotham University, trying to discover who he is apart from his guardian and unwilling to return as Robin without him. Meanwhile, Dr. Jonathan Crane uses his position as professor of psychology at Gotham University and as resident psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum to conduct his experiments in fear. During a vengeful confrontation with a colleague, Dr. Kirk Langstrom, Crane unknowingly initiates Kirk's transformation into the creature known as Man-Bat. The unsuspecting denizens of Gotham scream for Batman's head, believing the Man-Bat's nightly hunts to be the Dark Knight's bloodthirsty return to action. Bruce dons cape and cowl once more to clear his name and solve the mystery behind these attacks. Eventually, Dick ends up in Arkham Asylum under Crane's unsympathetic watch, and Kirk struggles with his "man vs. monster" syndrome as he longs to both reunite with his wife and get revenge on Crane. ^[11]

The script for Batman: DarKnight sat at Warner Bros. and languished in development hell up until late 2000. Shapiro stated that DarKnight was in the running the longest as the next Batman movie compared to the other Batman projects in development. ^[11]

It may sound somewhat similar to what eventually became Batman Begins, but Man-Bat seems like a mistake for any Batman movie. He is part man, part bat. Seriously. I found it interesting that Scarecrow has consistently been the first choice for lead villain in each of these movies.

Batman Beyond

In October 1999, the website Ain't It Cool News reported that Warner Bros. was seriously considering a live action Batman Beyond movie, based on the animated series. In January 2000, Ain't It Cool News reported that Paul Dini and Alan Burnett would be writing the script, both of whom are well known for their work on The DC Animated Universe. In August 2000, it was confirmed that Dini, Burnett, Neal Stephenson, and Boaz Yakin were to all write the script, with Yakin to direct. A script was written and turned into Warner Bros., though the project was canceled in favor of the Batman: Year One project. ^[12]

For those of you not familiar, Batman Beyond was the cartoon that had Boy Meets World's Will Freidle voicing Batman. In the future. 'Nuff Said.

Batman vs. Superman

In August 2001,^[13] Andrew Kevin Walker pitched Warner Bros. an idea titled Batman vs Superman, attaching Peterson as director. Abrams' script was put on hold,^[14] and for reasons unknown, Akiva Goldsman was hired to rewrite Walker's draft which was codenamed "Asylum".^[15]

Goldsman's draft (dated June 21, 2002), had the premise of Bruce Wayne trying to shake all of the demons in his life after his five year retirement of crime fighting. Meanwhile, Clark Kent is down on his luck and in despair. Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth and Commissioner Gordon are all dead, as Clark just recently had a divorce with Lois Lane. Clark serves as Bruce's best man at his wedding to the beautiful and lovely Elizabeth Miller. After Elizabeth is killed by the Joker at the honeymoon, Bruce is forced to don the Batsuit once more, tangling a plot which involves Lex Luthor, while Clark sways a romance with Lana Lang in Smallville.^[16]

Filming was to start in early 2003, with plans for a five to six month shoot. The release date was set for the summer of 2004.^[17] Batman vs Superman was to relaunch both the Batman and Superman franchises respectively, with both sequels being reboots.^[14] Within a month of the studio green lighting the project, Petersen left in favor of Troy (2004).^[18] Warner Bros. could have easily assigned a new director, but chose to cancel Batman vs Superman in favor of a recent script submitted by Abrams for Superman: Flyby.^[19]

This is where the prospective movies officially started to take a darker turn. While the 'coming out of retirement' may have been a good angle for Batman, I am skeptical of both he and Superman being in the same movie - we all saw what happened when too many characters were stuffed into Spiderman 3.

Eventually, an adaptation of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One was put into place. It was originally deemed 'too violent,' but not all was lost - this incarnation would eventually be re-arranged into Batman Begins.

I think it's safe to say it was worth the wait.

Rock Band 2 Track List

IGN just released the track list of the highly anticipated Rock Band 2, simultaneously filling me with joy and regret. Yes, I love Rock Band, but I have dumped close to $200 on the game, hardware (yes, I somehow can sleep soundly at night with a plastic drum set in my basement), and downloadable tracks. This is more or less a conformation that I will spend even more money pretending to be a rock star in front of a TV screen.

But alas, it doesn't cost me anything to check out what Harmonix will seduce me with in September. This is why I love the Electronics Entertainment Expo - it's a truckload of information dumped on gamers all within a short period of time.

The full list is included in the link above, organized alphabetically, but I thought I would highlight the more interesting points of the reveal.

The first thing that jumps out to me is the inclusion of a GUNS AND ROSES CHINESE DEMOCRACY TRACK. Seriously. It's probably shit, but given the legendary status of Axl Rose's perpetually-delayed mystery album, it was huge for MTV Games and Harmonix to include "Shackler's Revenge." I have to admit that as a fan of the GnR glory days, I am a little bit curious.

In addition to this, there are some great songs included - Beck's E-Pro, Bon Jovi's Livin' on A Prayer (hell, Penn Staters get enough practice on the vocals at home games), The Foo Fighter's Everlong, Journey's Any Way You Want It, Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son, The Red Hot Chili Pepper's Give It Away, Tenacious D's Master Exploder, and The Who's Pinball Wizard will all but ensure I pay up once again. Given the promise that "All downloadable content will work with Rock Band 2 and gamers can export tracks from Rock Band 1 to Rock Band 2," I'm already feeling better about my impending investment.

Another facet of the unveiling of the track list is a confirmation that the Bonus Tracks, once again, accomplish the physical impossibility that is sucking and blowing simultaneously:

76.	Abnormality	Visions	2000s
77.	Anarchy Club	Get Clean	2000s
78.	Bang Camaro	Night Lies	2000s
79.	Breaking Wheel	Shoulder to the Plow	2000s
80.	The Libyans	Neighborhood	2000s
81.	The Main Drag	A Jagged Gorgeous Winter	2000s
82.	Speck	Conventional Lover	2000s
83.	The Sterns	Supreme Girl	2000s
84.	That Handsome Devil	Rob the Prez-O-Dent	2000s

Does anyone enjoy these tracks? I only recognize one band on this list - Bang Camaro - and that's simply because I remember their crappy song on the first Rock Band.

Harmonix also keeps things traditional including bizarre choices on the track list. Yes, we understand that you're going for a wide gaming audience, but are the following necessary?
- Alanis Morrisette - You Oughta Know
- The Donnas - New Kid In School
- The Go-Go's - We Got The Beat
- The Muffs - Kids In America

The important thing is that Rock Band 2 seems poised to deliver more of what drew so many of us otherwise rationally-thinking adults to buy overpriced plastic instruments; a solid selection of songs, enough material to warrant considerable replayablitiy, and graphics that show how much Guitar Hero slacks off in the department. More on Rock Band 2 in the inevitable complete reveal of the new peripherals.

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Rock Band 2 (game only) at IGN

I'm The Only Intern That Can Photoshop

Not great for a half-page ad, but I was under time restrictions.

What to do, Brett Farve?

I had to laugh at Kissing Suzy Kolber's take on the latest chapter in the Brett Favre retirement/un-retirement saga. The idea of anyone receiving a text saying "4′S BOYESH INTHUZIAZM FTW" is funny to me. And really, it got me thinking - maybe this situation isn't bad after all.

Initially, when rumors started swirling that Favre would come back even after his tearful retirement speech, I just wanted him to go away. It's not that I don't like Brett Favre - I think he is one of the great quarterbacks of the NFL (though stats may provide fodder for those who differ in opinion), and it was awesome that he had that small part in There's Something About Mary - I just hate nearly every journalist's undying fellation of him. We get it - in Wisconsin, he's an industry. He brings people in a very boring and fat state hope. He's a likable guy. Stop saying he is the child in all of us and there should be a church erected for worship of him (not exact quotes). After tribute after tribute, speculation if Aaron Rodgers would ever live up to Favre's legend (which is ongoing and will be until Rodgers is in the Hall of Fame or out of the NFL), and the presentation of the cover of Madden 09, everyone had accepted that #4 was out of the league.Then the issue with Favre's locker still being intact was brought up. I dismissed it as a non-story; in fact, it mostly was - the Packers eventually took out Brett's locker and gave it to him. Even though I hate that sort of speculative-even-if-it-is-true-I-don't-give-a-shit coverage, I figured it was just a by-product of the slow off season - hey, T.O. hasn't pulled anything besides missing a drug test this year.

But THEN came the story regarding Favre's supposed request to un-retire and return to the team. At first this pissed me off. The guy has made Green Bay wait every offseason for the past 3 years - holding their breath to see if their hero will come back. When he finally breaks it, and the Packers get to give Aaron Rodgers "his team," the fucker decides he changed his mind. Seriously? Did the thought of doing Sensodyne Toothpaste endorsements as your most exciting activity of the year propel you to pick up the ol' pigskin again?

I can understand why the Packers would - as they are rumored to - deny Favre the starting job after this back-and-forth will-he won't-he crap. From a simple employment standpoint - how would you feel if you were promoted, only to get demoted when the guy who held your previous position changed his mind? On top of all of this, Football has a lot more psychological subtleties than most people think - it helps the entire offense to know, without doubt, who the signal caller will be for the season. A clearly defined starter will not only get the practice reps he needs, but confidence in him will be all the more valuable.

However, this text shows that Favre really knows he has made a mistake. He wants to play next season - maybe two or more. And it looks like Green Bay won't let him do that - which leaves them two options - cut him, or trade him.

I became less annoyed by the situation and more intrigued when I read the Miami Herald's take:

Brett Favre seems like he wants to parachute back into the NFL. They ought to be drawing a big ''X'' in the middle of the Dolphins' huddle and coaxing him to a soft landing right here in Miami. Favre by most indications is a quarterback who needs to play again. Seems he has had a change of heart and wishes to recant his March 4 retirement, but Green Bay appears to have yanked away the welcome mat, like Lucy used to yank away the football just as Charlie Brown was about to kick it. But Miami is a team that needs a QB it can trust and rely on in 2008. Favre last missed a game in 1992. Seriously. Tomorrow's sunrise cannot be trusted and relied on like this dude.

Besides the cliched Peanuts analogy, I wholeheartedly agree. Miami is undergoing a pathetic three-quarterback race between the mediocre journeyman they intend to start (Josh McCown), the unproven commodity that led the team at the end of last year's sad season (John Beck), and their quarterback of the future (Chad Henne). Brett Favre would give them a top-10 quarterback for week 1. It wouldn't matter if he retired after the '09 season - it would still put them in a better place then they are now.

The point was also made that in the Packer's division, the NFC North, there is a dearth of quality quarterbacks. Could you imagine the Chicago Bears, or Detroit Lions going against the Pack with Favre at the helm? If I were a Green Bay fan, I think I'd have an identity crisis! Better yet - the Minnesota Vikings! Not only has Favre historically terrorized this franchise, but many speculate that with a quality quarterback, Minnesota could very well be the team to beat - their defense is no doubt top 10 with the acquisitions of S Madieu Williams and DE Jared Allen, and Adrian Peterson is the leagues best young running back. I've got to say - given my indifference to that division, I'd love to see how #4 in purple would play out.

So I guess my point is that there may be a reward for fans of the NFL having to hear the speculative drivel of if and where will Brett Favre play this season. If not, it just reminds some of us how much we can't wait for the season to start.

"Welcome Ta Earf!"

Happy Independence Day everybody.

(Lost on the reference? Click Here.)

Somebody Get Shaun Phillips a Spell Checker

Sometimes it's easy to forget in all the glory of professional football that many of these athletically talented men are less than moderately intelligent. In some cases, they don't express themselves well. This is why I love Kissing Suzy Kolber, which routinely verbally eviscerates NFL players while still remaining loyal fans, and Yardbarker, which brings the fans on the same level as the players. Yardbarker features several blogs written by professional athletes, and some are better than others. Keith Rivers of the Cincinnati Bengals, for example, often writes thoughtful and extensive entires with proper grammar and syntax. Then there's Shaun Phillips of the Chargers, whose hobbies include "Learning about the world", weighing in on the controversy surrounding the rapid inflation of rookie contracts:

I think they gotta stop somewhere with this. I love that everyone is making money but its starting to get rediculous how much money unproven players are getting before they take a snap. There are future hall of famers that are not making as much in there entire carrier as these kids are making in one check. I think the nfl should take some notes from the nba on caping rookies. If you think about it most rookies don't really come into there own until 4th our 5th yr anyway. So just imagen how much there second contract will b if they where 2 play there whole 50mil contract out it makes u wanna laugh huh. My final note is more power to them cause I want everyone to get all the money in the world cause imma get mine.

Sp95

Where do I start? While I do agree with Shaun that it is 'rediculous' how young phenoms are "making more in one check" than hall of fame-bound veterans earn in their entire "carrier" and I do think that "caping" rookies a la the NBA is the solution, it's hard for me to "imagen" how we can take his opinion seriously when he doesn't even bother to spell out "be, to, and you." What did you save with those abbreviations, Shaun? Four letters? Factor in your decision to include proper punctuation and you're almost up to double digits in characters you didn't have to type!

Also, I think I saw his final note of "more power to them cause I want everyone to get all the money in the world cause imma get mine" on a bumper sticker. It was a long sticker.

But hey, I guess the joke is on me because a guy who types at a first grade level is making millions of dollars a year while no doubt sleeping with countless beautiful women - while I sit in my underwear eating a klondike bar amidst snarky blogposts.

This Just In: CHTV Short Makes Me Laugh

I've got to be honest with you - I didn't really like when Collegehumor started having it's staffers focus on video projects rather than writing articles themselves. It was a good business decision, as viral videos are the way of the internet these days, but I found so many faces on the site so much funnier when they were in print. Amir Blumenfeld, for example, I can't stand in the Jake and Amir videos my brother shits his pants (not litterally...yet) watching, but I used to look forward to his comedic writing.

Dan Guretwich (the "cool english teacher" in this sketch) was one of those people. However, I do have to give him credit - I recently discovered that he writes many of the scripts for these shorts, which in my limited comedy writing, I have found to be hard shit. Sure, I don't find many of CH's videos to be particularly worthy of my time (not to hate on Jake and Amir, but sometimes it seems like they're not even trying), but every once and awhile a video like this reminds me why I visit the site. It's hard work to be consistently funny on a regular basis, and the more regular exposure you get, the harder it is to please people - Will Ferrell has this problem with the more critical part of the moviegoing population. So enjoy this (old) episode of "Hardly Working" - I was one of many people who had the "cool" teacher and can say Dan nailed it.

More WJBR.com Photoshop Work

I'm all over the front page.My in the thick of summer logo, which was actually designed before the logo it just replaced. People seem to like the sunglasses over the 99. I'm not sure, but I probably have stolen that idea from somewhere.It's riddled with amateur photoshopper aesthetic issues, but at least it's a half-page advertisement. By the way, "Join WJBR" means "awkwardly power-walk by the two young adults trying to hand out magnets and temporary tattoos while trying to get your kids to an early movie."This wasn't officially assigned to me, as Paul the production guy kind of wandered over while I was working on something else, saw that I had apparently a lot of practice with photoshop by now, and mentioned how people would always call him saying that the original online outlet link was too hard to find. I made this while doing the work I was actually supposed to be doing.This one is disappointing, because I had made an alternate logo that was, in my opinion, better. It had a ball pit background instead of the creepy little kids' heads. I figured most of us have positive associations with ball pits, and pictures demonstrate a product better than words, but I guess the alternate was too hard to read, or my boss couldn't find it. Oh well.Probably the simplest ad for the website I've made. Justified becuase fireworks will be relevant for what- One week?

I know none of these are particularly impressive or interesting, but it seems like once they are taken down and replaced by newer ads, they're off the internet completely. So I'm storing some of the better (yes, this is my best attempt at quality work) ads here. I'm sure there will be more, as I have found out I am the only intern that knows how to photoshop.

This Can't Promote Healthy Behavior

For the past few months, I've been signing on to AIM just about whenever I open my laptop - you never know who will be on when, and even if you don't have anything to talk about, it isn't a bad idea to catch up with people.

As a result, I see the AIM "Dashboard" roughly half a dozen times a day. I would change my settings so it didn't pop up in my browser automatically, but I have to admit that every now and then, there's an interesting story buried among the usual crap.

While this may be more appropriately dubbed usual crap, today I saw this:
Good Job, AOL. I have to click on her. Despite the disgustingly saccharine header, I find her adorable. It's probably the attribution of innocence given to rainbow hair paired with the fact that she's, to paraphrase Vince Vaughn "eyefucking the shit out of me."

So, like a hormone driven idiot, I clicked, and discovered Pixnay. Pixnay is one of the many AOL subsites, and is described as the following:

Choose your favorite of two photos randomly plucked from our pool of hot girls and guys. The next battle will appear. Pick. Click. Repeat. Enjoy.

Judging these face-offs is rockin’ in itself, but why not spout your opinion for all of Pixnay to see or, better yet, get in the ring and join the fray?

All you need is a hot picture of yourself and an AOL or AIM screen name to play.

Not only will this give lazy people like myself carte blanche to creep on girls I don't even know, but the fact that everyone is openly encouraged to submit their own pictures for judging opens so many opportunities for disaster.

If you're ugly, or even average, it is almost impossible that this fact will be confirmed quickly - people don't exactly hold back their criticisms on the internet - you've got so much to hide behind, why would you?

Take, for example, this young lady:I don't think further commentary is necessary.

If you're hot, you probably already know this - it just pisses the rest of us off when you get yet another confirmation that you will indelibly have an easier life simply because you're attractive. Plus, thanks to the internet, d-bags all over the world can "holla at ya" faster than ever!Also, doesn't anyone worry about stalkers anymore? Is that just me? Am I antiquated because I view the internet as a possible haven for disturbed perverts with a great deal of time (and most of the time, spooge) on their hands? Apparently this girl isn't:And people wonder why I don't want to have daughters down the road.

But I guess what really kills me the most about Pixnay is that I'm going to keep voting on girls like a lab rat hitting a button that triggers food. As minimal as the stimulation is, it does give you something to do - during time which I could be much more productive. Writing, more specifically.

Facebook Is Turning You Gay

Back when I was on Facebook (oh, has it only been a month?), I would log in around 12 times a day. The time spent on Facebook for each log in would vary, but what is important is that when I did click around a lot, a new ad (or "flyer" as the supposedly user-friendly site calls) them would pop up in the left sidebar.

Towards the end of my time on Facebook, I would see a LOT of 'Men Seeking Men' ads appear in that sidebar. At first I dismissed it as the gay dating sites investing in flyers, but they kept coming up so often I became worried.

How many guys' profiles am I looking at? I would think. Why does Facebook think I'd be interested in meeting gay men?! Am I really that flamboyant in print?

Finally I asked some other people. Turns out, there were that many gay dating ads on there. And that's why I especially enjoyed Kissing Suzy Kolber's discovery of none other than Notre Dame / Cleveland Browns douchefuck BRADY QUINN in one of these ads.I find it hysterical that the reported gay-basher keeps finding himself associated with the homosexual community.If you're feeling like it's unfair for his sexuality to be questioned, I present the following:I guess if you're a gay dude on the prowl, just look for #10.

MTV and Harmonix Gave Me A Birthday Gift Whether They Knew It Or Not

From IGN:

June 20, 2008 - MTV and Harmonix announced today that three tracks from Weezer's newly released Red Album will be made available for download in Rock Band on June 24 on Xbox Live and June 26 the PlayStation Network. The list of songs includes "Dreamin," "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived," and "Troublemaker." The track pack will cost you $5.49 (440 Microsoft Points) when bought as a bundle and $1.99 (160 Microsoft Points) for each individual song.

I've got to say, not only am I thrilled that Rock Band (the game in my collection that is second only to Halo 3) has allowed me to sing and play along with Weezer's hits "Say It Ain't So," "El Scorcho," and "Buddy Holly" in the past, but that they pick my three of my favorite five songs off their new album.

The Red Album is comparably solid to other albums, and while it may wilt in the second half, I love it as much, if not more, than Maladroit. What better day for MTV and Harmonix to make an announcement that I can further integrate Weezer and Rock Band than my birthday? It will without doubt be worth the measly $5.49 I will hand over as soon as possible this coming Tuesday.

Student Fights Mifflin Streak Charges

I found this story by checking The Lion, my during the year employer (if you can call an organization you volunteer for while getting no compensation and employer), and it's blog on the Centre Daily Times website.

The gist of it is Elizabeth Burke(left), a 20 year-old student who participated in last semester's traditional streak, who was (unsurprisingly)apprehended by police and subsequently charged with open lewdness. The streak, for those of you not in the know, is an annual tradition among students, always taking place in the Pollock dorms region of campus.

What's interesting is the blogger's - more specifically Peter Bosak of The Times, who has followed the story for the past few weeks - examination of legalizing the streak. While it definitely won't happen (townies of State College tend to resent the students with what we already get away with in the first place), it doesn't seem like the most ludicrous idea. Plus, naked people.

Also, as The Lion operates during the entire year, cool stuff even gets done during the summer. The interview with the aforementioned student can be found here.

I Fucking Love The Daily Show

The Daily Show has been both poignant and howlingly funny for years. It's remarkable how their writers so effectively lampoon the drivel that is show on Cable news networks while finding a way to keep being funny about the same stories that repeat themselves.

Jon Stewart and Co. really best themselves with this segment, featured last night, that was not only particularly applicable for me as an Obama supporter, but someone who has watched the word "blog" become a magnet of derision.

Can't see the clip? Watch it here.

The Troy McClure Film Quiz

Phil Hartman voiced two of my favorite Simpsons characters - Shyster Lawyer Lionel Hutz and B-Movie washup Troy McClure. Naturally, I was thrilled to see the Troy McClure Film or Actual Terrible Movie Quiz on Mental Floss.

They start things out fairly easy, the first of the fifteen titles being The Erotic Adventures of Hercules. But after that, things get a little tough. Even someone who has watched America's favorite cast of yellow-hued dimwits countless time scored a mere 10/15 correct.

John Mayer May Be The Coolest Person Alive

There is a reason why I put up with Funny or Die's unusually large embedded videos that make my page look awful - they are more often than not the most hilarious things on the internet.

I thought John Mayer was cool when I heard his music - the guy plays some of the best guitar this side of Zeppelin, and I thought he was the shit when he answered Ryan Seacrest's question of "Are you dating Jessica Simpson?" in Japanese. But on top of all this, the guy is funny.